Post image for Breaking: Pasadena asshole complains ‘No one likes me’

Breaking: Pasadena asshole complains ‘No one likes me’

by María Purísima on May 30, 2013 in Cultura, Pocho Ñews Service

(PNS reporting from PASADENA) Bob Lowe recently discovered that — for some reason — he is disliked by all his coworkers.

He explained the confusing situation to PNS Wednesday afternoon as he poured himself the last cup of coffee, left the empty pot on the heating element, and walked away without making more.

“I just don’t get it, you know?” he said. “I mean, maybe I take peoples’ lunches sometimes, big deal, you know? What did you think was gonna happen if you left food in the fridge?”

Lowe’s officemates on the eleventh floor have complained to company Vice President of Human Resources Mike Cervantes numerous times about Lowe’s inability to keep deadlines, hapless attempts to get others to do his work, refusal to learn new things, terrible personal hygiene and general rudeness in the 10 months since he was hired, but to no avail.

Lowe, 32, has been working at Andover Engineering on Colorado Boulevard for almost a year and, although he was invited to go out bowling with his coworkers at 300 Pasadena once, he suspects it was just because the new girl, Gina, felt sorry for him. He hasn’t been asked to hang out with his coworkers since.

“Yeah, Gina told me the only reason she invited me was because everyone hated me,” he said.

“Sure, I sneezed in Randy’s face and didn’t cover my nose or mouth. Yo, I didn’t have time because I was too busy sneezing, you know? And did I take ‘Juan’s bowling ball’ from him? Maybe, I mean, it’s not like his name was on it or anything.”

Lowe swore he doesn’t mean anything negative when he is monopolizing the printer for personal photocopies, taking personal calls loudly when everyone else is trying to work, leaving his dirty dishes and napkins everywhere, always missing the trash can, and “forgetting” that his parking space is not Martha’s (the closest one to the office.)

“I’m only human, man!” he said, leaving the bathroom without washing his hands.

Photo of someone else entirely by victor1558

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO, INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

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