Especial Correspondents

¡Feliz Hispanic Latinx Heritage Month!

I thank God for helping me identify a previously-unrecognized Hispanic icon, a man who always embodied rebel cool, and my personal hero in that corny-ass show, Happy Days.

Gente, here are the Pocho Ocho Top Reasons I’m Quite Sure The Fonz Was Mexican-American:

8. Everybody calls him by a nickname

7. Panache

6. Leather jackets from Leon

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Mexicans have officially become members of an endangered or hunted species in the U.S. (I’m not referring to our enormous demographics, as we’ll continue to multiply in el Norte — where individuals of Mexican origin represent over 40 million citizens/residents — despite the racist fantasies of Donald J. Trump and his immoral ilk.

Throughout the early 1800s to the present, Mexicans have been robbed of their lands, lynched, killed, imprisoned, segregated, subjugated, vilified, scapegoated, sterilized, raped, beaten by white mobs, brutalized by cops, racially targeted with violence, etc.

Today, the guilty of these heinous acts and crimes include the most powerful racist in the world (Trump), the morally bankrupt political party (GOP), state media (Fox “News”), deplorable Trump supporters, capitalists and state agents. [Mas…]

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTHI am a mixed-race person. My father’s indigenous ancestors are from multiple tribes of present-day Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Northern Mexico, and throughout the Americas. They’ve been on this land for over ten thousand years. My other ancestors through him hail from Mexico, West Africa, and Spain.

I was raised to believe I am White. My mom is White, of Scottish, Swedish, and French descent, and the man who raised me is a tall blonde man of Dutch-Polish descent. That’s where I get my last name – Vande Panne. It is Dutch in origin, most likely from the village of De Panne on the present-day Belgian coast. [Mas…]

Food writer Javier Cabral — AKA THE GLUTSTER — goes behind the scenes at your local taqueria to find out what’s in the guacamole. [Mas…]

M-M-M-M-M YYY LLORONA!

How to annoy Mexicans, let me count the gueys.

One of the best gueys, other than to insist that we are all criminals who need to be deported — even if we are citizens — is to appropriate a beloved part of our culture and act as if you are entitled to do so. You may ask us why are you upset about this The Curse of La Llorona movie? Aren’t there brown people in it? Shouldn’t you be happy that one of your legends is getting the feature film treatment? Doesn’t the director have what sounds like a Latin name? WHY AREN’T YOU MEXICANS EVER HAPPY? WHY DON’T YOU JUST EAT A TACO? WHY IS EVERYBODY SHOUTING? [Mas…]

From Topeka to Tallahassee, Denver to Danvers, America suffers the scourge of inauthentic Mexican food.

Twitter has outed the worst offenders, sure, but equally troubling is the oft-neglected emergence of Mexican restaurants that are TOO authentic.

How will you know when you’ve entered the danger zone? You’re about to find out.

Here are the Pocho Ocho top signs your Mexican restaurant is too pinche authentic:

8. There’s a drunk man standing outside the restroom charging you for toilet paper.

7. The horchata is room temperature.

6. They don’t have change for your $20. [Mas…]

¡Mira! These are the Pocho Ocho Most Mexican Countries

by Especial Correspondents March 31, 2019 Cultura
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After Fox News equated all of Latin America with Mexico [photo], we knew we had to let the world know the alternative facts about that thing we like to call reality. Mira our list of the Pocho Ocho Most Mexican Countries: 8. West Cochina 7. East Los Mexico 6. New New Mexico

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A love story for Valentine’s Day: Amor Mio

by Janie Isidoro February 13, 2019 Cultura

Yes, I’ll admit it. I have had six Coronas too many. I’m at the moment where everything is hilarious and I love everyone. I hug random people and tell them how great life is. I hug my brother and tell him how much I love him and hate him for reading my diary when I […]

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After the Pittsburgh tragedy, words don’t seem enough

by ARNIE BERMUDEZ November 3, 2018 Cartoons
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I’ve never understood antisemitism. As a Mexican-American man with little exposure to Jewish people up until college, that hate always seemed like one group of white people discriminating another group of white people for no good reason. I never understood why if our country went to war against the Nazis in World War II, we […]

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Pocho Ocho top reasons I’m still scared of taco trucks on every corner

by CARLOS AGUILAR September 6, 2018 Cultura
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Remember that Latinx Trump supporter who told us to be scared, because if Hillary were elected there would be taco trucks on every corner? This vendido:   Dude was right, and here are the Pocho Ocho Top Reasons Why: 8. I’ll be forced into a perpetual cycle of “How many tacos can I eat in […]

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White lady does not like brown family’s birthday party (video)

by Especial Correspondents August 26, 2018 El Now
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DATELINE GLENOAKS PARK, GLENDALE, CA, SATURDAY, AUGUST 25, 2018: Gracie Pinzón de Hernández writes on Facebook: I thought I would share this with you guys… this woman almost got away with robbing us from the joy of celebrating 4 years of life for our little one. We planned and saved to give him the kind […]

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NYC profe visits East Los, eats tacos, takes photos, buys Doyers shirt

by Steven Alvarez June 14, 2018 Cultura
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From #PueblaYork to #OaxaCalifornia I live in NYC, and I have to admit, it had been a long time since I spent time in L.A., close to a decade. In 2008, I visited my tía abuela who lived in Orange County. She drove me up to L.A. to see Olvera Street and a quick drive […]

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I’m so sorry to tell you, son, but birthday cakes are for closers

by CARLOS AGUILAR May 2, 2018 Cultura
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I won’t sit back and watch our culture waste away to the wimps weaned on participation trophies, and its more pernicious forbearer, the birthday cake. Participation trophies are rightly the object of widespread scorn.

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Couple dies during skydive gender reveal (SPOILER: It’s a boy!)

by El Pejibaye Staff April 19, 2018 El Now
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(PNS reporting from URRIALBA) Randy and Candy Wiggins (photo) plunged to their deaths Tuesday afternoon when the couple’s parachute failed to deploy during a skydive that was intended to reveal the gender of their child to be. The Billings, Montana couple traveled to Costa Rica this week to leap from 12,000 feet above this rural […]

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Mexico dumps futbol, switches to curling after sad Club America loss

by EL PEJIBAYE STAFF April 12, 2018 El Now
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY)  Mexico is throwing in the towel — and picking up a broom — after Club America’s humiliating defeat to Toronto FC in the CONCACAF Champions League semi-final Tuesday night.  The loss signaled the death of the country’s storied soccer tradition. After the 4-2 aggregate defeat, club officials for the Mexico […]

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Reports: NAFTA negotiations extended until end of time

by EL PEJIBAYE STAFF April 11, 2018 El Now
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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) NAFTA negotiations between the U.S., Canada and Mexico will likely only conclude when mankind ceases to exist or if extraterrestrial raids breed unity among humans that leads to the dissolution of international borders, according to two sources with direct knowledge of the trilateral talks.

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Pocho Ocho Most Important Terms and Conditions for Dealing With Me

by CARLOS AGUILAR April 5, 2018 Cultura
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I’m not a hard guy to get along with, as long as you adhere to the Pocho Ocho Most Important Terms and Conditions for Dealing With Me: 8. Don’t call me amigo; it’s the first sign we’re not friends 7. Friends don’t let friends… put lettuce in their burritos 6. Every time you microwave a […]

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Mex Prez candidate AMLO says luchadores will protect U.S. border

by EL PEJIBAYE STAFF April 5, 2018 El Now

(PNS reporting from NOGALES) Mexico Presidential front-runner Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador (AMLO) will deploy the country’s finest and fiercest lucha libre fighters to the northern border should U.S. President Donald Trump carry out his pledge to militarize the nations’ shared international boundary, the candidate known as AMLO said in a press conference on Wednesday.

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Costa Rican host family evicts gringo for flushing toilet paper

by El Pejibaye Staff April 4, 2018 El Now
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(PNS reporting from SAN PEDRO, COSTA RICA) Study abroad student Caleb Kostopoulos was kicked out of his temporary home in the Costa Rican capital of San José last night when his host family discovered he’d flushed toilet paper down the commode instead of putting it in the bathroom trashcan as instructed, the 20-year old Temple […]

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Let’s get real – canned menudo is way better than your abuela’s

by Carlos Aguilar March 30, 2018 Cultura
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I’d rather eat canned menudo than whatever is cooking in your kitchen. I said it and I don’t regret it. The reasons are simple and clear; here are four:

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Women’s History Video: To shave or not to shave is ‘A Prickly Subject’

by LA PELUDA March 26, 2018 Cultura
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A Prickly Subject is a poetic account of a woman who is grappling with the decision of whether or not she should embrace her body hair in public. [Video by Helen Plumb.]

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Prudential courts Latinos with nonsense ‘Spanish’ #hashtag

by LAURA MARTINEZ March 22, 2018 Cultura
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I can only imagine what went on at the marketing pitch meeting for the above Tweet: — Prudential Executive 1: We need to connect with Spanish-speaking latinos *and* let them know we can help them be prepared and get financially fit. – Prudential Executive 2: Yeah, but the Prudential brand has to be prominent, and […]

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What are the Pocho Ocho Top Ways to tell that Spring has finally esprung?

by Especial Correspondents March 20, 2018 Cultura
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Spring begins today as we mark the Vernal Equinox. But if you’re not looking at a calendar, how would you know? Here are the Pocho Ocho Top Ways to Tell that Spring has Sprung: 8. Chipotle Mexican Grill introduces Fresh Seasonal Virus Menu 7. KKK members buy new tiki torches, don short-sleeved sheets, and start […]

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This is true story of my fight to earn the right to be Smiley #1

by Dr. Alvaro Huerta March 12, 2018 Cultura
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My mother, Carmen, often sent me to La Paloma Market, while my brother Salomon watched I Love Lucy re-runs. We lived in East Los Angeles’ Ramona Gardens housing project, where I had to be selective about the routes I took. Since I feared the barking dogs along the alley, I always took a shortcut through […]

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