El Guapo

Concept and images courtesy our doubly-cooked amigos at TheDailyRefried.

Are you a father? If so, your big day is here.

Dinner plans are in motion. The finger paints are out. You can hear the ugly ties and BBQ equipment being poorly wrapped  by tiny hands with still-developing fine motor skills. Glitter is strewn about the kitchen like the aftermath of a grisly triple Twilight-vampire murder scene.

Now, let me cast a doubt on your most precious day, “Dad,” if that’s what the little sticky-fingered heathens are calling you.

Take a really good look at that kid. The one – who like some Pavlovian dog – wants ice cream every time he/she hears bells. The one who seems to outgrow shoes every 18 hours and who loses his/her retainer every other week. The one who bit you when you were trying to leave the park the other day and vomited all over your car’s interior like some twisted Dr. Moreau sprinkler system gone awry.

It is estimated that 4-10% of men are unwittingly raising someone else’s kid. [Mas…]

Join us, wan't you?

[FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE JUNE 1, 2012] C.L.A.P. (Conservative Latino Alliance for Prosperity) is holding its Annual Membership Drive throughout the month of June.

C.L.A.P., founded in 1912, is the oldest conservative Latino organization in the nation. For 100 years, we’ve worked tirelessly to return the country to core conservative principles.

These are our guiding principles:

Pillar 1: Immigration

Fact: Rare baseball cards, comics, and stamps increase in value the scarcer they become. With over 50 million Latinos in the U.S., our value to this country has become more and more diluted . As a result, C.L.A.P. aims to deport all Latinos (regardless of residency status) until four or five very valuable Latinos remain. There is power in numbers – very, very small numbers.

[Mas…]


8. It’s half-time and your friends are still trying to decode the Roman numerals.

7. Everyone’s trying to explain to Tio Frank why only the runty guys get to kick the ball.

6. Your morbidly obese pal keeps shoving nachos in his mouth and shouting instructions to the athletes on TV, oblivious to the irony. [Mas…]