María Purísima


(PNS reporting from SANTA CHANCLA, CA) Streets were quiet here overnight as the city’s emergency ban on Pokémon Go went into effect at midnight.

Santa Chancla is the first city in California to ban Pokémon Go players within city limits, a ban authorized in response to widespread threats by white male terrorists.

“Every time you turn around some crazy young white guy is murdering someone — and these kids are running around in groups together? I don’t think so. Not in my town,” Mayor Juan Lopez told a press conference at City Hall this morning. [Mas…]

don zimmermanUghhhhhhhh. There goes another crazy Texas politico saying something crazy. This time it’s Austin City Councilman Don Zimmerman, who told a group of Latino parents and students who testified in front of the council, some in Spanish, to stop being moochers (basically). [Mas…]

We scraped the Internets to bring you the very best Cinco de Mayo graphic memes.
Please like and share!

 

Willy Wonka:

wonkameme

Matrix Morpheus: [Mas…]

holyjokersArtist Ana Smile has people all offended in Brazil, but she thinks they need to just chill.

Dangerous Minds reports: [Mas…]

At Stew Leonard’s, guacamole is its own ingredient — just add kale!

This the beginning of the end of the American middle class.

Chunky Guacamole

Stew’s Chunky Guacamole is prepared fresh daily by our culinary team with whole avocados, tomatoes, red onions, jalapeno peppers, a dash of salt, and a splash of freshly squeezed lime juice…. Plus, new for 2015, is Stew’s Kalemole, which is the addition of shredded kale to our traditional Chunky Guacamole!

Wine Pairing: Alto Vuelo Sauvignon Blanc — The citrusy, grapefruit component of this wine will pair nicely with the tangy, creaminess of the Guacamole and or the Kale Guacamole

PREVIOUSLY ON EXOTIC GUACAMOLE: [Mas…]

shirtmodel(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Ruben Covarrubias astounded family and friends here Sunday night when he admitted that the history of Cinco de Mayo didn’t concern him and he’d always thought “May 5 was Mexican Independence Day, so like so what?!”

“I don’t care what it’s about, yo!” he told everyone within earshot of the backyard grill. “I just always celebrated it with MEChA and at school. Partay!”

Friends and family at the Covarrubias’ weekly carne asada were aghast. Some reconsidered whether they’d be driving back to El Sereno next week, multiple witness reported. [Mas…]

mexicanswim(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) Julio Reyes wanted a beach body shape this Summer, but after weighing changing his diet, swapping soda for water and committing to a strenuous of weights and cardio, he reconsidered.

“I think I’m just going to wear my t-shirt with my swim trunks this year,” he told PNS. “That way, if my workout regimen doesn’t kick in ‘til later no one will notice.” [Mas…]


World class twerking delights the neighborhood in Asi (This) by Miami-born Dominican Amara La Negra.

Area woman looks forward to mediocre, less-ambitious 2015

by María Purísima January 12, 2015 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) After careful consideration, local woman Estela Zamora, 28, is aiming to be less ambitious in 2015. “Turns out the ‘American Dream’ doesn’t mean to aim for the stars, but rather, right under the stars, where it’s safe and there’s more company,” Zamora told PNS Sunday. “I’m just tired of getting flack […]

[Mas…]

This GOP Latino outreach telenovela didn’t go viral because _____

by María Purísima December 29, 2014 Cultura
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So big the plans! Such wow! Much viral with the veggies that talk, or so they thought. We just found out about this project, which The Federalist explained over the summer: Businesswoman Clara Del Villar [photo, right] wants to help the GOP. A Dominican-American, Del Villar has watched conservatives and libertarians repeatedly fail to connect with Latinos. […]

[Mas…]

Let me tell you all the reasons I really, really hate Christmas

by María Purísima December 3, 2014 Cultura
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I’m so sick of Christmas and December isn’t even a week old! Every year it’s the same crap over and over again. I mean, I wasn’t even finished pretending not to eat Halloween candy before people started playing that Christmas music — don’t even get me started on the music! It’s like, let’s take a […]

[Mas…]

Woman needs stricter hubby test than ‘not a drunk, won’t beat me’

by María Purísima October 21, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Sandra Ceballos made a shocking discovery Friday night when she was out with her girlfriends. The standards she’d been using to find a good husband were, as her friend Jenny put it, “appallingly low.” Ceballos, whose family is from Mexico, was raised to believe that if a man is not too […]

[Mas…]

Local MEChA group ejected from Hong Kong returns to U.S.

by María Purísima October 6, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from FRESNO) The 16 Cal State Fresno MEChA students who flew to Hong Kong to join the student protest — but were quickly kicked out of the demonstration — returned home late Sunday night. The students were ejected from Occupy Central after Hong Kong student organizers discovered that the Movimiento Estudiantil Chican@ de […]

[Mas…]

Official spokesman for U.S. Hispanics quits: ‘It’s a bullshit job!’

by María Purísima September 5, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from MIAMI) Gerardo Lamas, the official spokesman for all Hispanics in the United States, resigned Wednesday night. “This is a bullshit job and I’ll never be able to please anybody,” he told PNS in a late-night phone call. “I mean, I’ve been at this for a while, and let me tell you, it hasn’t […]

[Mas…]

Local Chicano decides to start calling himself ‘Hispanic’

by María Purísima August 19, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from IRVINE, CA) Roland Vega, 33, formerly known as “Rolando,” has come to an important moment in his life: He’s transitioned from a “Chicano” to a “Hispanic.” The decision to change the way he self-identifies came as somewhat of a shock to his family and his homeboys, but not necessarily to Vega’s former […]

[Mas…]

Alaskans praise candidate who will save us from illegals with tats

by María Purísima August 15, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from ANCHORAGE, AK) Some they call him Joe, some they call him Doh! but one group of Alaska voters is 100% behind Joe Miller, the Tea Party-affiliated candidate who is seeking a United States Senate nomination. “His campaign mailer (click on photo to enlarge) convinced us that Miller will do a great job […]

[Mas…]

Cops out of control kill Eric Garner in NYC, Mike Brown in MO (videos)

by POCHOS CON ACTITUD August 13, 2014 Cultura
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#RIPMikeBrown #RIPEricGarner & to all boys/men of color who've lost their lives to ignorance, hate & injustice. pic.twitter.com/GlimbBMhT0 — Veronica Rodriguez (@LaresNYC) August 13, 2014

[Mas…]

It’s the latest, it’s the greatest: Coloring book for grownups (toons)

by HABLO PICASSO August 8, 2014 Cartoons
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[Mas…]

Watch this Pakistani man make mega tortillas de harina

by JEFE BOYARDEE August 7, 2014 Cultura
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Actually, they call this flatbread “roti” or “chapati” in Pakistan and India but they’re all tortillas to me. Note: Totally tubular comal! BIG LIST O’ FLATBREADS OF THE WORLD:

[Mas…]

Just 8% of SF/fantasy stars are pochos but Zoe Saldaña will save us

by María Purísima August 4, 2014 Cultura
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Almost no science fiction and fantasy movies feature protagonists of color — not to mention women of color — but thankfully we have Zoe Saldaña! Check out this study and awful infographic from Lee & Low Books:

[Mas…]

Happy Mexican Dancing Horse Day! (videos)

by María Purísima July 30, 2014 Cultura
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Post by Pal Feis Tucson.   OK, we made up Mexican Dancing Horse Day, but we think there should be holiday like that, with Banda music and all the oats you can eat! Above is a brand-new dancing horse video, and here’s a classic dancing horse FAIL video:

[Mas…]

Is that prickly in your pocket or are just happy to see me? (photo)

by María Purísima July 10, 2014 Cultura
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[Mas…]

Zombies in the Hood, A True Story (video)

by BLOOD IN-N-OUT July 9, 2014 Cultura
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Sometimes you feel like a zombie, sometimes you need to just pop a cap on his pinche butt. Especially when they sing and dance! [SFW but gangs, guns, gore.] PREVIOUSLY ON ZOMBIES:

[Mas…]

Video: Guy dresses as banana, hires mariachis, quits job

by María Purísima June 4, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Video: Guy dresses as banana, hires mariachis, quits job

If you’re gonna quit your shitty insurance company job, why not make it a fiesta? All you need is a banana suit and some mariachis…. PREVIOUSLY ON MARIACHIS:

[Mas…]