Celina Martinez

Yesterday, mijo ask me gwhy peoples celebrate the Cinco de Mayo.

“Is because of the Battle of Puebla,” I tole him.

“Do people in Mexico get borrachos and crazy like they do here in the United States?”

“Crazy? No. The kids get day off from eschool and then some mens dresses up in the pueblo of Puebla and play like is the battle happening again.”

“No crazy borrachos?”

“No, is more like kids eating candy and washing TV.”

“Is it about Mexican people being proud of their culture?”

“No,” I say. “I’m no proud of gringos gwearing sombreros and eating chimichangas.”

“Are chimichangas Mexican?”

“I don know. I never ate one,” I say. “But the gringos love to eat the food with all the cheez I don know what it is.” [Mas…]

Hola, is Tia Lencha here, in my kishen making tacos for the teashers at Mijo’s eschool.

The teashers are having a estrike becoz they want all the niños (thas kids for you pochos) no to be like sardines in the classrooms. Mijo says there are 40 estudens in his class! How can the teasher pay attenshun to so many niños? I can barely pay attenshun to Mijo when my favorite novela is on the televishun.

Mijo is helping me make the tacos for the teashers. He believes in la causa of the estrike. He says is no about the money only for teashers. Even though they get pay caca, those teashers. I always buy them giff cards for Targuess or Estarbus for all the holidays, so they can buy a relaxing candle or sone coffee. I dunno why, but teashers like coffee so much! [Mas…]

Hello! Is Tia Lencha here! Merry Chrismas! Today I teash you to make the Three Kings Bread, ju know, the one with the Baby Jesus in it? Jes, tha one.

I haf many things to celebrate this Chrismas, m’ijo get good grades, he has good healthy, he still helps me put my recipes on the google, and oso, Tia Lencha has a novio. Jes, a new one. Don’t jodge. His name is Axl Rosen. He is a Jewish. He didn’t know what the Three Kings Bread is, so I make for him. [Mas…]

lenchatacosHappy Mexican Thanksgiving Day!

Is Tia Lencha here. Gwhat is Mexican Thanksgiving Day you ask? Is Thanksgiving but with all Mexican food. What?!?! My gringo frends say. Oh no! How you can do that! Is crazy! And Tia Lencha say, no really.

When I help mijo with his homeworks, I learn that Thanksgiving come from a Puritan holiday in Englands. When it was the Reformation the Protestantes wanted to throw away all the Catholic holidays, even Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny! [Mas…]

tiacincoHola! Is Tia Lencha here.

I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it. [Mas…]

The other day mijo say he gwanted a burrito for breakfast.

“OK,” I say, and I start to look for my refry beans.

“No,” mijo say. That is the burrito you make me gwhen I was little.”

“Ju don’t like it?” I say.

“I gwant somesing more like for a man.”

“A man?”

“Ju know, a man that goes to gwork and he has a burrito wrapped in aluminio.” (That’s aluminum foil for ju pochos). [Mas…]

A POCHO editor explains Spanglish to gente in España

by Celina Martinez March 30, 2017 Cultura
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Spanglish is only one of the dialects created by people who straddle two culturas. (See what I did there? ) The underlying assumption of Spanglish is that one language is not enough to capture the full experience of being immersed in two cultures. The gente who use Spanglish are primarily first and second generation Latinos […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Hot Sexy Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

by TIA LENCHA February 13, 2017 Cultura
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I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha. Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day. M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted Red Chanukah Christmas Kwanzaa Salsa

by TIA LENCHA December 23, 2016 Cultura
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Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Ju want to give presens to eberyone on your Chrismas list or Chanukah or Kwanzaa or Reyes Magos or Chinese Year but ju are short on dinero? No worry! Tia Lencha is going to give ju recipe for to make the oven roast red salsa! Is nice! Is a good gift […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Oh jes! Thanksgiving turkey al pastor tacos

by TIA LENCHA November 23, 2016 Cultura
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Happy Mexican Thanksgiving Day! Is Tia Lencha here. Gwhat is Mexican Thanksgiving Day you ask? Is Thanksgiving but with all Mexican food. What?!?! My gringo frends say. Oh no! How you can do that! Is crazy! And Tia Lencha say, no really. When I help mijo with his homeworks, I learn that Thanksgiving come from […]

[Mas…]

People say: ‘Tia Lencha, what does ju say about Donal Tromp?’

by TIA LENCHA November 15, 2016 El Now
Thumbnail image for People say: ‘Tia Lencha, what does ju say about Donal Tromp?’

I say there are racists, or Marxists, or Russia-level fascists An orange glo-worm that hashes and dashes. “Hey Beaner,” said the weiner, “go back to Mexico!” Three gueros in a car. I yell back at the guero, “Oh yeah? Thas not bery far.” And the white people say, there’s no racists, or Marxists, Or Russia level […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How I make mijo’s daddy Day of the Dead altar

by Tia Lencha November 1, 2016 Cultura
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Hola! Is Tia Lencha here! I haf big news! I move to Los Angeles in the California! And I find a novio! Can ju believe? Is a new life here. My novio and I met on the Google when I live in New Jork. Then he visit from Los Angeles and I visit from New […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha: What pochos need to know about El Dia de Los Muertos

by TIA LENCHA October 31, 2016 Cultura
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Happy Day of the Dead! Is Tia Lencha here. Many people ask me questions about Dia de Los Muertos. I answer the questions today. Question numero one: Tia Lencha wass this Dia de los Muertos? Is it the Mexican Halloween? Gwell, kind of, I say. Except that the Day of the Dead celebrations come from […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: That time Mijo made me a ‘Hipster Taco’

by TIA LENCHA September 9, 2016 Cultura
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Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Today I going to help you make my new faborite taco. The other day I saw my mijo making sonething in the kishen. I so proud. He like to cook like his mama. I say, “Mijo, what you making?” He say, “A taco.” I see that he was using corn […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina makes Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

by TIA LENCHA May 4, 2016 Cultura
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Hola! Is Tia Lencha here. I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo on Thursday. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos! I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Hot and Sexy Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

by TIA LENCHA February 12, 2016 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina:  Hot and Sexy Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha. Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day. M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Thanksgiving turkey al pastor tacos

by TIA LENCHA November 25, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Thanksgiving turkey al pastor tacos

Happy Mexican Thanksgiving Day! Is Tia Lencha here. Gwhat is Mexican Thanksgiving Day you ask? Is Thanksgiving but with all Mexican food. What?!?! My gringo frends say. Oh no! How you can do that! Is crazy! And Tia Lencha say, no really. When I help mijo with his homeworks, I learn that Thanksgiving come from […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: On Father’s Day I think about my ex’s chorizo

by TIA LENCHA June 15, 2015 Cultura
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Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. After many jears of being divorce from mijo’s daddy, (that’s a photo of him leaving I took for the lawyer), I share with ju the recipe I make for the Father’s Day, which is on Sunday. When I think of mijo’s daddy, I think of chorizo. Oso, when I see […]

[Mas…]

Orale! It’s the Yeb Bush Cinco de Drinko Game (video)

by Celina Martinez May 5, 2015 Cultura

Many politically conscious Chicanos are looking for yet another alternative way to Celebrate Cinco de Drinko but still protest the ahistorical consumer appropriation of a battle that is meaningless to most Mexicans. Well, Jeb Bush (aka el Yeb according to his Mexican compadres) has provided us with a warm video message of solidarity this Fifth […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

by Celina Martinez April 29, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

Hola! Is Tia Lencha here. I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo — next week. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos! I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: My Hot Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

by TIA LENCHA February 12, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: My Hot Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha. Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day. M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted Red Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa Salsa

by TIA LENCHA December 23, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted Red Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa Salsa

Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Ju want to give presens to eberyone on your Chrismas list or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Reyes Magos or Chinese Year but ju are short on dinero? No worry! Tia Lencha is going to give ju recipe for to make the oven roast red salsa! Is nice! Is a good […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: My heart is so broke, I make Heartbreak Buñuelos

by TIA LENCHA December 11, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: My heart is so broke, I make Heartbreak Buñuelos

Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. My heart is broke. I no have a novio anymore. My comadre say there is something wrong with all the mens on the Google. Is true. In this case, I wasn’t enough of a man for him. Oh gwell. I oso a little heartbreak because my carro (thas car for […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How ju make Mijo’s favorite Mole Poblano turkey

by TIA LENCHA November 25, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How ju make Mijo’s favorite Mole Poblano turkey

Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Sorry I no give ju recetas (recipes for ju pochos) for a gwhile. Mijo’s daddy no send the cheques for the mijo support. I mad. Then he go to my house crying because the eskelton eskank he marry left him for another viejo (old man for ju pochos). The viejo […]

[Mas…]