Celina Martinez

tiacincoHola! Is Tia Lencha here.

I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it. [Mas…]

The other day mijo say he gwanted a burrito for breakfast.

“OK,” I say, and I start to look for my refry beans.

“No,” mijo say. That is the burrito you make me gwhen I was little.”

“Ju don’t like it?” I say.

“I gwant somesing more like for a man.”

“A man?”

“Ju know, a man that goes to gwork and he has a burrito wrapped in aluminio.” (That’s aluminum foil for ju pochos). [Mas…]

Spanglish is only one of the dialects created by people who straddle two culturas.

(See what I did there? )

The underlying assumption of Spanglish is that one language is not enough to capture the full experience of being immersed in two cultures.

The gente who use Spanglish are primarily first and second generation Latinos in the United States. I would say the phenomenon springs from the working classes and the sons and daughters of immigrants to the United States (not to exclude the immigrants themselves). [Mas…]

salsainabowlI’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha.

Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day.

M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his daddy are divorce because his daddy like to stick his weene ebrywhere.

M’ijo usually checks my espelling but oh gwell. Since I have a little gwhile, I give you the recipe for Aphrodisiac Salsa. [Mas…]

jarosalsaHola. Is Tia Lencha here.

Ju want to give presens to eberyone on your Chrismas list or Chanukah or Kwanzaa or Reyes Magos or Chinese Year but ju are short on dinero? No worry! Tia Lencha is going to give ju recipe for to make the oven roast red salsa!

Is nice! Is a good gift for the peoples! And is easy! No like making mole for Turkey Day.

I make this salsa to give to my comadres and the lob it. They have little hearts in their eyes when they see my salsa. They eat with almost eberything. They say they fight their childrens and viejos to eat the last drops of it in the jar. Is that good. Oso, it don’t matter if the peoples are no Mexican. The peoples at my job are no Mexican and they ask me for the salsa. [Mas…]

lenchatacosHappy Mexican Thanksgiving Day!

Is Tia Lencha here. Gwhat is Mexican Thanksgiving Day you ask? Is Thanksgiving but with all Mexican food. What?!?! My gringo frends say. Oh no! How you can do that! Is crazy! And Tia Lencha say, no really.

When I help mijo with his homeworks, I learn that Thanksgiving come from a Puritan holiday in Englands. When it was the Reformation the Protestantes wanted to throw away all the Catholic holidays, even Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny! [Mas…]

People say: ‘Tia Lencha, what does ju say about Donal Tromp?’

by TIA LENCHA November 15, 2016 El Now
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I say there are racists, or Marxists, or Russia-level fascists An orange glo-worm that hashes and dashes. “Hey Beaner,” said the weiner, “go back to Mexico!” Three gueros in a car. I yell back at the guero, “Oh yeah? Thas not bery far.” And the white people say, there’s no racists, or Marxists, Or Russia level […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How I make mijo’s daddy Day of the Dead altar

by Tia Lencha November 1, 2016 Cultura
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Hola! Is Tia Lencha here! I haf big news! I move to Los Angeles in the California! And I find a novio! Can ju believe? Is a new life here. My novio and I met on the Google when I live in New Jork. Then he visit from Los Angeles and I visit from New […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha: What pochos need to know about El Dia de Los Muertos

by TIA LENCHA October 31, 2016 Cultura
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Happy Day of the Dead! Is Tia Lencha here. Many people ask me questions about Dia de Los Muertos. I answer the questions today. Question numero one: Tia Lencha wass this Dia de los Muertos? Is it the Mexican Halloween? Gwell, kind of, I say. Except that the Day of the Dead celebrations come from […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: That time Mijo made me a ‘Hipster Taco’

by TIA LENCHA September 9, 2016 Cultura
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Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Today I going to help you make my new faborite taco. The other day I saw my mijo making sonething in the kishen. I so proud. He like to cook like his mama. I say, “Mijo, what you making?” He say, “A taco.” I see that he was using corn […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina makes Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

by TIA LENCHA May 4, 2016 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina makes Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

Hola! Is Tia Lencha here. I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo on Thursday. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos! I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Hot and Sexy Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

by TIA LENCHA February 12, 2016 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina:  Hot and Sexy Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha. Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day. M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Thanksgiving turkey al pastor tacos

by TIA LENCHA November 25, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Thanksgiving turkey al pastor tacos

Happy Mexican Thanksgiving Day! Is Tia Lencha here. Gwhat is Mexican Thanksgiving Day you ask? Is Thanksgiving but with all Mexican food. What?!?! My gringo frends say. Oh no! How you can do that! Is crazy! And Tia Lencha say, no really. When I help mijo with his homeworks, I learn that Thanksgiving come from […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: On Father’s Day I think about my ex’s chorizo

by TIA LENCHA June 15, 2015 Cultura
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Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. After many jears of being divorce from mijo’s daddy, (that’s a photo of him leaving I took for the lawyer), I share with ju the recipe I make for the Father’s Day, which is on Sunday. When I think of mijo’s daddy, I think of chorizo. Oso, when I see […]

[Mas…]

Orale! It’s the Yeb Bush Cinco de Drinko Game (video)

by Celina Martinez May 5, 2015 Cultura

Many politically conscious Chicanos are looking for yet another alternative way to Celebrate Cinco de Drinko but still protest the ahistorical consumer appropriation of a battle that is meaningless to most Mexicans. Well, Jeb Bush (aka el Yeb according to his Mexican compadres) has provided us with a warm video message of solidarity this Fifth […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

by Celina Martinez April 29, 2015 Cultura
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Hola! Is Tia Lencha here. I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo — next week. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos! I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: My Hot Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

by TIA LENCHA February 12, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: My Hot Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha. Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day. M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted Red Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa Salsa

by TIA LENCHA December 23, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted Red Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa Salsa

Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Ju want to give presens to eberyone on your Chrismas list or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Reyes Magos or Chinese Year but ju are short on dinero? No worry! Tia Lencha is going to give ju recipe for to make the oven roast red salsa! Is nice! Is a good […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: My heart is so broke, I make Heartbreak Buñuelos

by TIA LENCHA December 11, 2014 Cultura
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Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. My heart is broke. I no have a novio anymore. My comadre say there is something wrong with all the mens on the Google. Is true. In this case, I wasn’t enough of a man for him. Oh gwell. I oso a little heartbreak because my carro (thas car for […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How ju make Mijo’s favorite Mole Poblano turkey

by TIA LENCHA November 25, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How ju make Mijo’s favorite Mole Poblano turkey

Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Sorry I no give ju recetas (recipes for ju pochos) for a gwhile. Mijo’s daddy no send the cheques for the mijo support. I mad. Then he go to my house crying because the eskelton eskank he marry left him for another viejo (old man for ju pochos). The viejo […]

[Mas…]

New Mattel-Disney dolls for ‘Crucifiction’ movie cause furor

by Chalupe Lopez September 24, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for New Mattel-Disney dolls for ‘Crucifiction’ movie cause furor

(PNS reporting from ANAHEIM) Movie executives here are scrambling to respond to the fury over just-announced Christian religious figures re-imagined as Barbie dolls. The Kens and Barbies are slated to promote the Mattel-Disney movie Crucifiction that “rebrands” the Passion of Jesus. The film is set for Xmas release. The Disney reps — now on the defensive […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: The Mexican flag three-color salsa for El Grito

by TIA LENCHA September 16, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: The Mexican flag three-color salsa for El Grito

Happy Day of the Mexican Independence! Is Tia Lencha here. Today we make a salsa that is the colors of the Mexican bandera (flag for you pochos). Tia Lencha is all dress in her green, white, and red to celebrate El Grito, but all of her pocho and gringo friends is a little confuse. They […]

[Mas…]