Victor Payan

Supremes dis DOMA, Prop 8: ‘Someday we’ll be together!’ (video)

by Victor Payan June 26, 2013 El Now
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The Supreme Court today said most of the 17-year-old Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional and overthrew California’s anti-same-sex marriage Proposition 8.  Thank you, Supremes!

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NBA Finals spur santeria vs. brujeria heat between fans

by Victor Payan June 20, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) While tempers are running hot in anticipation of tonight’s Game 7 of the NBA Finals between the San Antonio Spurs and the Miami Heat, nowhere is this more disturbing than in a war of sorts that has broken out between San Antonio brujas and the Miami santeria community. The stakes […]

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Robocrop: Mexican groups rally to skewer Monsanto’s killer GMO corn

by Victor Payan June 12, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO DF) Farmers, activists, students, scientists and foodies organized a Carnival of Corn in Mexico City over the weekend to protest  genetically-engineered corn being forced into the food supply by corporations specifically like Monsanto. GMO corn, which is short for GITMO, or Guantanamo Corn, carries a gene designed to kill insects if eaten and […]

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PNS*Hot*Flash: Notimex stops saying ‘negrito’ and ‘chino’

by Victor Payan April 12, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO) The Mexican government news agency Notimex announced today that it has stopped using the terms “negrito” and “chino” to describe people of African descent and Asians. A Notimex spokesman said the move was in response to the Associated Press decision to stop using the terms “illegal immigrant,” “bean eater,” “sleepy Mexican,” “pepper-belly,” […]

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Batman reacts to Lil Wayne sizzurp seizure incident (toon)

by Victor Payan March 20, 2013 Cartoons
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Batman via QuickMeme.com RELATED: Area man pissed he never heard of sizzurp

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Pocho Ocho best things to write on a Valentine’s Day card

by Victor Payan February 14, 2013 Cultura
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At POCHO, we believe no love is illegal! So to celebrate Valentine’s Day (aka VD), we present the Pocho Ocho Top Valentines Day romantic thoughts to share with your lover: 8. I’m gonna make you sweat like Marco Rubio. 7. When I said you look like Beyonce, I meant that in a good way. 6. […]

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Valentine passions run hot in ‘Aztec Gold Dating Game’ (video)

by Victor Payan February 14, 2013 Cultura
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Passions run hot in the lucharrific Aztec Gold Dating Game featuring the Glorious Gabacho, Gabe “The Babe” and filmmaker Erik Bosse; all three are vying to be the valentine of a smoldering San Antonio señorita. [Aztec Gold Dating Game by me, Victor Payan.]

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Take the ‘How to tell if you’re a Chilango’ quiz

by Victor Payan January 30, 2013 Cultura
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As a result of the ongoing Pocho Revolution, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of people who identify themselves as pochos. While most are legitimate pochos, there are many who have infiltrated the ranks and are seeking to subvert the ideals of Pochismo. We’re not talking about the CIA, the FBI or […]

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Flu shot? No way! Try these Pocho Ocho best flu remedies

by Victor Payan January 24, 2013 Cultura
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Sure you can get a flu shot, like a sane and rational modern American. Or you can get really really sick and walk the road of tradition with the pocho ocho top traditional flu remedies: 8. Abuelita’s chicken soup recipe 7. Wear seven ponchos for seven nights 6. Sweat to the Oldies

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PNS*Hot*Flash: ‘No Mames’ enters U.S. lexicon at San Ysidro

by Victor Payan January 24, 2013 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from DE EFE) This just in: On this day in 1992, the term “No Mames” first entered the United States at the San Ysidro port of entry on a t-shirt worn by Alex Lora during El Tri‘s historic first American tour.

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PNS*Hot*Flash: Bruja sees shadow, six months of AZ racism

by Victor Payan January 23, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) This just in: In observance of Varmint Day, Gov. Jan “Brewja” Brewer walked outside of her office this morning and saw her shadow, which means there will be six more months of racism in Arizona.

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Happy 66th Birthday, David Bowie! Su amigo, Major Juan (videos)

by Victor Payan January 8, 2013 Cultura
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Major Juan wishes David Bowie a Happy 66th Birthday! Here’s Bowie’s “Major Tom” video featuring the first acoustic guitar in space!

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The Story of Felix Navidad (Xmas Poesia)

by Victor Payan December 21, 2012 Cultura
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Not so long ago And not very far Lived a jolly young man With a lowrider car His name it was Felix Navidad was his name And he was known round the world So great was his fame He was just a man Just like you or like me He couldn’t fly through the air […]

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Twinkiegate: Top Republicans tried to kill Hostess sale to Mexico

by Victor Payan November 23, 2012 Cartoons
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(PNS reporting from GLENDALE, CA) Documents released today confirm that top GOP officials conspired to kill the sale of Hostess snack foods to Mexico’s baked goods behemoth Grupo Bimbo.  Critics are blasting the Republicans for the scheme which resulted in Hostess Brands officially closing today after 82 years. Grupo Bimbo, which is alive and well, […]

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Big Bird breaks silence on Romney flap: ‘This bird you cannot change!’

by Victor Payan November 7, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from NEW YORK CITY) Beloved PBS personality Big Bird has finally broken his silence over presidential nopeful Willard “Mitt” Romney’s death threats, which the Massachusetts governor made on national television. Mr. Bird issued his statement this morning while surrounded by friends on New York’s Sesame Street. “Mr. Romney, this Bird you cannot change,” […]

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BREAKING: Mitt Romney tied to controversial NAMBLA group

by Shaydes O'Gray November 6, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) Even as voters line up to vote across America, revelations are coming out about Republican candidate Gov. Willard “Mitt” Romney’s alleged membership in NAMBLA, the North American Millionaire-Billionaire Love Association. Although rumors have circulated throughout the campaign season about his membership in this controversial group, undercover video posted on YouTube clearly […]

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POCHO congratulates the President on his debate verbitude (video)

by Victor Payan October 17, 2012 El Now
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Here at POCHO, we call it like we see it. And Barack Obama’s Presidential pounding of Mitt Romney in last night’s debate shows that not only is Obama back on top…he’s what’s happenin’!

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Thousands hospitalized for alcohol poisoning in debate drinking games

by Victor Payan October 4, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) Thousands of Americans were rushed to hospitals across the country last night as the result of a “presidential debate drinking games” gone horribly wrong, according to news reports. The games, promoted by the @DebateBlitz Twitter account, asked people to drink a shot of alcohol any time a percentage was mentioned, […]

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Mitt-faced: Shocking pix leaked from Romney Florida trip

by Victor Payan September 26, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) POCHO has obtained exclusive pictures from a photographer who followed Gov. Mitt Romney during his recent Florida trip.  The Romney campaign has tried to suppress these scandalous photos, which shed crucial light on Mitt’s activities before and after his ill-fated attempt to win over Latino voters on Univision, but Pocho […]

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Guacamelee: Your future interdimensional Canadian luchador hero

by Victor Payan September 25, 2012 Cultura
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POCHO has seen the future of downloadable interdimensional Canadian lucha libre videogames, and its name is Guacamelee! Just tell us what dimension we need to go to and what border we need to cross, and we will do it! Until Canuckian gamesters Drinkbox Studios release this title, we are on permanent Guacamelee watch!

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Dreaded ‘Chicken of the Apocalypse’ spotted in the Yucatan

by Victor Payan September 21, 2012 Doomsday Countdown
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It is no coincidence that this freak formation of flamingos roosting in the shape of a giant chicken took place in the Yucatan, the very heart of the Mayan Apocalypse.

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Happy Rosh HaShanah from the Judios of Tijuana (video)

by Victor Payan September 17, 2012 Cultura
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Tijuana was a welcoming destination for Jewish refugees who fled Europe, Asia and the Mideast looking for a better life. This is one family’s story. Tijuana Jews by Isaac Artenstein on Vimeo.

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New monkey species resurrects ‘restored’ Spanish Jesus controversy

by Victor Payan September 15, 2012 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from AFRICA) As the Muslim world erupts in grisly violence over a third-rate movie trailer, the Christian world is preparing to be rocked by the discovery of a new monkey species in Central Africa — a species that eerily resembles the “restored” Spanish Jesus fresco that has been sarcastically dubbed as Ecce Mono […]

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Romney-Ryan team debuts new campaign ad

by Victor Payan August 13, 2012 Cartoons
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(PNS reporting from ESALT LAKE CIUDAD) The Romney-Ryan campaign has wasted no time in positioning its dynamic duo as caped crusaders fighting for the interests of millionaires everywhere and PNS has obtained this advance copy of their latest ad (image, above.) GOP insiders tell PNS the campaign discarded the original slogan Romney Ryan: A Package […]

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