(PNS reporting from CLEVELAND) Jailhouse emergency wards here are filling up with RNC delegates placed on 72-hour mental health holds following “disturbing the peace” arrests.
Clevelanders have been swamping 911 with reports of out-of-town Republicans incoherently screaming, “acting all hatey ‘n’ shit,” and/or “dreaming impossible dreams” after being ordered to cease and desist.
“If the cops don’t immediately drop whatever they’re doing and investigate Michelle Obama’s ‘connection in ISIS who gives her steroids,’ for example,” one ER intake psychiatrist told PNS Sunday, “these GOP loconauts accuse the police of treason. That’s why we’re calling the mass derangement syndrome Treasonnaires’ Disease.”
How can YOU tell if a delegate to the Republican National Convention might be suffering from Treasonnaires’ Disease?
Here are the Pocho Ocho Most Alarming Symptoms:
8. PARANOIA: Scared of real-life encounters with “those Negro actors” who starred in The Cleveland Show.
7. ACTING OUT/ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOR: “Open carries” an AR-15, drinks Heinz 57 and huffs WD-40.
6. VIOLENT VERBAL OUTBURSTS: “Who let Obama in my mama jama’s ding dong?” one patient asked, over and over. Bless his sweet heart. [Mas…]
You know that “Mexican Judge,” Gonzalo P. Curiel? He can’t be impartial in the Trump University fraud case because he’s a member of that militant Mexican cabal known as LA RAZA.
And he’s not the only one! After all, you can’t have a conspiracy with only one conspirator, amirite?
There might even be card-carrying members of LA RAZA in your neighborhood, at your job, talking about you in Spanish at the next table over, or ohmygod in your kids’ schools!
Be aware and be prepared, America.
Here are the Pocho Ocho Best Ways to Tell if Someone Is A Member Of LA RAZA:
8. Nopal en la frente
7. MEChA meeting
6. No era penal [Mas…]
Newly unsealed federal fraud lawsuit records show that unqualified instructors and abusive sales tactics weren’t the only “trade secrets” Trump University was trying to hide.
Sworn testimony and company documents — ordered released by Indiana-born “Mexican judge” Gonzalo Curiel of the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of California — also revealed these Pocho Ocho Top Shameful Secrets of Trump University:
8. Trump University cafeteria’s “taco bowls” were based on a recipe rejected by Rick Bayless.
7. Trump University sales staffers (“admission counselors”) who didn’t make assigned quotas were dressed as gorillas and dropped off in Cincinnati.
6. Course outline for URBAN REAL ESTATE REDEVELOPMENT included a seminar entitled “Evicting a three-generation family business and replacing it with a chain retailer is easy if you just remember these three letters: K, K and K.” [Mas…]
Very late Wednesday night, I created a Twitter hashtag — #MakeMoviesMexican — and asked the Tuiteros if they had suggestions.
Huh? What do you mean? Like this:
#MAKEMOVIESMEXICAN. Gone With the Migra. White Men Can’t Cumbia. Get the idea?
(It turns out I wasn’t the first with this idea. Superstar pocho comic Felipe Esparza tried this concept in February.)
Here are the Pocho Ocho NEW Top Tweets we got in return (racist, ignorant Tweets not included — the entire thread is below.):
8. Mex In The City
7. Dude, Juarez My Car?
6. Finding Chapo
Spring began at 9:30 PDT Saturday night as the Northern Hemisphere marked the Vernal Equinox. But if you’re not looking at a calendar, how would you know?
Here are the Pocho Ocho Best Ways to Tell that Spring has Sprung:
8. Chipotle Mexican Grill introduces Fresh Seasonal Virus Menu
7. KKK members don short-sleeved sheets and start work on their tans
6. Sarah Palin switches from bourbon to gin [Mas…]
Love is in the air for Valentine’s Day, along with cries for immigration reform, equal economic opportunity and an end to pervasive systemic racism.
Is there a way for the politically active pocha or pocho, Chicano, Chicana, Chican@ and/or Latinx to get lucky AND make the world a better place?
Yes, there is, in our list of the Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines you can use this Valentine’s Day:
8. What do we want? A quiet romantic dinner for two! When do we want it? Friday night — what do you think — 8-ish?
7. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a MEChA like this?
6. Is that a GMO-free organic sustainably-raised earth-friendly heirloom local family farm non-corporate elote in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? [Mas…]
Donald Trump’s and Bernie Sanders’ stunning victories Tuesday don’t make sense unless you know the hidden history of the state of New Hampshire.
That’s the reason we researched and compiled the Pocho Ocho Top Facts You Need to Know About New Hampshire:
8. New HAMpshire is known for its “HAM aroma” which inspired the hit song My Sharona
7. Coincidence or conspiracy? The ham-smelling state’s namesake [old] Hampshire, on England’s southern coast across the channel from France, smells like CHEESE
6. New Hampshire is very white. How white is it? New Hampshire is so white it makes the OSCARS look like a #BlackLivesMatter rally [Mas…]
It’s not a good sign when you have to ask the crowd to “Please clap,” like former Governor Jeb Bush (R-Florida) at a New Hampshire campaign rally Tuesday.
JEB! may not yet be prepared to admit he’s already lost, but we are, Fat Lady or not. Here are the Pocho Ocho Top Ways to Tell It’s All Over for Jeb Bush:
8. Briefly lost consciousness after choking on a pretzel
7. Hired New Orleans/Katrina FEMA guy “Brownie” as replacement campaign manager
6. Spotted holding hands with Saudi royalty [Mas…]