(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON D.C.) President Barack Obama will launch a new career when his term ends — a career as a jazz saxophonist, PNS has learned.
Insiders at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue say the president has been spending almost every weekend for the last six months practicing his tenor saxophone, a gift from former President Bill Clinton, rehearsing, and recording with his band. His first CD — Barry Blows the Blues — will drop January 21, the day after Donald Trump’s inauguration.
Sources tell us these are the Pocho Ocho Top Tunes — recorded in “Living Stereo” — featured on Barry Blows the Blues:
8. Yes, I Kenya
7. Livin’ in a Cracker’s Paradise
6. Michelle [Mas…]
Former Arizona Governor Jan Brewja is predicting Donald Trump will win in the Hate State elections because Latinos won’t vote.
“Nah,” Brewer said in an interview with the Boston Globe. “They don’t get out and vote. They don’t vote.”
What else does she foresee? Here are her Pocho Ocho Mas Loco Predictions:
8. Pigs will fly.
7. When nasty women stop provoking the average guy with slutty clothes, rapes will stop.
6. If regulators approve the AT&T-Time Warner merger, the cable guy will actually arrive between 10am and 2pm. [Mas…]
Venezuela-based “transparency” website JuikiLiques dropped some big political bombshells this morning — the so-called “October Surprise.”
POCHO’s Especial Correspondents axed all the refryable sources to concoct this list, so check it out: The Pocho Ocho Top Juikiliques Bombshells:
8. Donald Trump’s plan to have “Mexico pay for the wall” relies on hiring Mexican workers, not paying them, and then deporting them, a scheme that worked so well in previous real estate projects.
7. Hillary Clinton threw away over 200 valuable AOL membership CDs and never told the FBI.
6. Donald Trump’s hairdresser, former airport cosmetologist Manila Envelopé, won’t use anything but Tres Flores mousse for Trump’s weave-over, but she removes the labels so the Donald won’t know. [Mas…]
Donald Trump’s leaked tax returns prove he played the system to avoid paying his fair share of taxes.
The lamestream media is all over the big ticket items, so POCHO’s crack team went extra deep into the documents to find some smaller write offs the Donald didn’t want the public to see.
We call these Mexclusive discoveries Donald Trump’s Pocho Ocho Most Awkward Income Tax Deductions:
8. Loss carry-forward on Cheeto Powder Commodity Futures Trading
7. Weaves-Я-Us Perpetual Care
6. Depreciation on WifeBot2000 [Mas…]
Reports are circulating that Donald Trump and/or his staff have been combing over his Twitter timeline and deleting embarrassing Tweets — remarks he and his campaign no longer want to defend. One Tweet he wishes wasn’t his claimed that China invented climate change to steal American jobs, a Tweet ridiculed Monday night by Hillary Clinton (photo.)
POCHO’s staff has been going over the Twitter archives and grabbed screenshots of some @RealDonaldTrump Tweets that are probably next on the deletion hit list.
Here are the Pocho Ocho Most Damaging:
Maricopa County Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio told a Tea Party meeting Tuesday he is still investigating President Obama’s birth certificate, which he says is a forgery.
But that’s not all! These are Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Pocho Ocho Top Unsolved Mysteries:
8. Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?
7. Fucking magnets, how do they work?
6. Who cut the cheese? [Mas…]