Pocho Ñews Service

quesotrumpchinatweetReports are circulating that Donald Trump and/or his staff have been combing over his Twitter timeline and deleting embarrassing Tweets — remarks he and his campaign no longer want to defend. One Tweet he wishes wasn’t his claimed that China invented climate change to steal American jobs, a Tweet ridiculed Monday night by Hillary Clinton (photo.)

POCHO’s staff has been going over the Twitter archives and grabbed screenshots of some @RealDonaldTrump Tweets that are probably next on the deletion hit list.

Here are the Pocho Ocho Most Damaging:

8. dountoothers

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They were ordinary people living ordinary lives, until one singular sensation of circumstance conspired with fate to make them UNSUNG HEROES OF HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH.

Hollywood, Dec. 23, 1958. Singing cowboy Gene Autry‘s Challenge Records signed hard-drinking rockabilly singer/piano-player Shep Devereaux to produce four sides. Devereaux, originally from New Orleans, booked the Flores Trio (Danny Flores on saxophone and keyboards, Gene Alden on drums, and lead guitarist Buddy Bruce) to back him up. They recorded three rockabilly numbers and an up-tempo mostly-instrumental track composed by Flores, a song jokingly called “Chingate.” The song’s lyrics consisted of just that one cussword, repeated three times and featured a blistering sax solo by Flores.

When Autry, in the control room, heard “Chingate” he knew it was a hit, but realized the name had to change, so he asked for suggestions for three-syllable phrases from the band.

“Horchata!” “Tu madre!” “Pendejo!” The musicians were full of ideas. [Mas…]

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They were ordinary people living ordinary lives, until one singular sensation of circumstance conspired with fate to make them UNSUNG HEROES OF HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH.

When a liberal Supreme Court justice retired in 1998, Pres. Jed Bartlet and his staff thought this was the perfect opportunity to increase approval ratings with a politically “safe” nominee, Judge Peyton Harrison.

The retiring justice, a liberal, was not impressed by Bartlet’s choice and urged him to consider another candidate. Bartlet asked his aide Toby Ziegler to review their decision. Ziegler, after walking and talking with other habitues of the West Wing, was uncomfortable with the prospect of losing the easy confirmation, but complied.

Zeigler learned that Harrison once argued against a guarantee of privacy, and told Bartlet a backup candidate should be vetted as a possible replacement nominee. [Mas…]

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penndejomagazine(PNS reporting from PHILADELPHIA) Donald Trump, Wharton School Class of 1968, is the new cover boy of a University of Pennsylvania alumni magazine mailed today to Penn grads across the country. [Mas…]

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yossiberkowitz They were ordinary people living ordinary lives, until one singular sensation of circumstance conspired with fate to make them UNSUNG HEROES OF HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH.

In 1978, a young Chicano actor from Montebello, CA went to tailor Yossi F. Berkowitz to try on a new suit custom-made for his starring role in a Los Angeles play. Right away, he noticed that the coat sleeves were too long.

“No problem,” said Berkowitz, a long-time shop owner in nearby Boyle Heights. “Just bend them at the elbow and hold them out in front of you. See, now it’s fine.” [Mas…]

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frito-bandito“Hispanic” Heritage Month, the officially-approved celebration of Latinx and their contributions to the United Estates of America, started Thursday.

Donald Trump’s GOP has proposed their own list of praise-worthy Hispanix for next year’s fiesta — assuming Trump wins — and POCHO has gotten a sneak peek at their nominations.

Peep this Mexclusive list of the Pocho Ocho Top GOP Picks for Latinx Heritage Month 2017:

8. The Frito Bandito

7. The Taco Bell Chihuahua

6. The Chevy No Va [Mas…]

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(PNS reporting from SANTA CHANCLA, CA) Streets were quiet here overnight as the city’s emergency ban on Pokémon Go went into effect at midnight.

Santa Chancla is the first city in California to ban Pokémon Go players within city limits, a ban authorized in response to widespread threats by white male terrorists.

“Every time you turn around some crazy young white guy is murdering someone — and these kids are running around in groups together? I don’t think so. Not in my town,” Mayor Juan Lopez told a press conference at City Hall this morning. [Mas…]

Sign_at_Donald_Trump_rally_2015(PNS reporting from CLEVELAND) Jailhouse emergency wards here are filling up with RNC delegates placed on 72-hour mental health holds following “disturbing the peace” arrests.

Clevelanders have been swamping 911 with reports of out-of-town Republicans incoherently screaming, “acting all hatey ‘n’ shit,” and/or “dreaming impossible dreams” after being ordered to cease and desist.

“If the cops don’t immediately drop whatever they’re doing and investigate Michelle Obama’s ‘connection in ISIS who gives her steroids,’ for example,” one ER intake psychiatrist told PNS Sunday, “these GOP loconauts accuse the police of treason. That’s why we’re calling the mass derangement syndrome Treasonnaires’ Disease.”

How can YOU tell if a delegate to the Republican National Convention might be suffering from Treasonnaires’ Disease?

Here are the Pocho Ocho Most Alarming Symptoms:

8. PARANOIA: Scared of real-life encounters with “those Negro actors” who starred in The Cleveland Show.

7. ACTING OUT/ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOR: “Open carries” an AR-15, drinks Heinz 57 and huffs WD-40.

6. VIOLENT VERBAL OUTBURSTS: “Who let Obama in my mama jama’s ding dong?” one patient asked, over and over.  Bless his sweet heart. [Mas…]

‘Study Abroad’ gringa is slow to realize she’s really in Califas

by Pejibaye Staff July 15, 2016 El Now

Tip from ex-Facebook friend breaks bad news (PNS reporting from SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA) A “Study Abroad” student received some upsetting news last week when she realized nothing around her looked like the Lonely Planet guidebook she was carrying. Becky Miller, a 21-year old geography major from Louisville, KY, was scheduled to spend three months in […]

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BREAKING: Bernie Bros’ exploding heads spur FBI zombie alert

by Comic Saenz July 12, 2016 El Now
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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The FBI is warning citizens to be on the lookout for hungry zombies attracted by the brains spewed from the exploding heads of diehard Bernie Bros. Bernie Sanders supporters’ brains, the Feds said, are piling up on the streets of gentrified neighborhoods across America. The brainiac explosions followed Sanders’ endorsement […]

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Costa Rican man miraculously cooks own dinner

by Pejibaye Staff June 22, 2016 El Now
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Suegra remains skeptical that he didn’t receive assistance (PNS reporting from LIBERIA, COSTA RICA) Local man Ramón Sosa Quesada stunned his friends and family Saturday when he single-handedly cooked his own dinner after finding himself home alone with no prepared meal. Sosa, whose wife goes to choir practice on Saturday evenings, said he felt completely […]

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Around Our Town: Puro Party Picks for Father’s Day Weekend 2016

by CHALE KNICKERBOCKER, SOCIETY EDITOR June 17, 2016 Cultura
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Father and Son Chile-Eating Contest: Quién es más macho? The East Pocho Optimists Club once again sets up shop at Fernando Valenzuela Field for their annual chile-eating contest, which pits father-son teams against each other to see who can ascend the Picante Podium of Pain. The winning team wins even more chiles! Sunday, noon. Bronche: […]

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Student survey results: ‘Gringo ESL teacher is an ignorant slob’

by Pejibaye Staff June 2, 2016 Cultura
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Gringo instructor adamant class loves him (PNS reporting from HEREDIA, COSTA RICA) A business English language class at Intel, Inc. unanimously agreed in a recent questionnaire that teacher Bryan McNutt’s two strongest abilities are being a painfully oblivious gringo and poor wardrobe choices. The group of six, who requested their names be withheld, filled out […]

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Pronunciation for pochos: Cotija, tomatillo, huarache, taqueria

by ROSETTA ESTONE May 31, 2016 Cultura
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Pochos, by definition, can’t speak Espanish. We’re here to help.

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Costa Rica experts say virgin sacrifice would ease volcanic activity

by El Pejibaye Staff May 26, 2016 El Now
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(PNS reporting from HEREDIA, COSTA RICA) Eruptions from the Turrialba Volcano continued Thursday, spewing even more ash into the air. The explosions are the most recent in the increasingly violent activity from the volcano. Scientists are warning that if preventative measures are not taken soon, the entire central valley will become covered by pigpen-levels of ash.

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In Puebla, MX, narco cartel killers crush French gangsters

by Comic Saenz May 5, 2016 El Now
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(PNS reporting from PUEBLA, MX) Federales have finished cleaning up the streets of this southeastern city after a three-day battle between area gangsters and a French gang left 83 locals and 462 gabachos dead, PNS has learned. The  Marseilles gang (“La Eme”) — sent to collect a drug debt allegedly owed by the Puebla-based Ignacio Zaragosa clika […]

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East Los man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is all about, yo!

by Comic Saenz May 3, 2016 El Now
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(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Ruben Covarrubias astounded family and friends here Sunday night when he admitted that the history of Cinco de Mayo didn’t concern him and he’d always thought “May 5 was Mexican Independence Day, so like so what?!” “I don’t care what it’s about, yo!” he told everyone within earshot of the backyard […]

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Breaking Ñews: Did French troops use poison gas in Puebla?

by EDUARDO BURRO May 3, 2016 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) French invaders fighting indigenous militias in the state of Puebla are using poison gas, according to situation reports circulating here in the capital. If the reports can be substantiated, it marks a dangerous escalation in the hostilities, and would mean Napoleon III’s troops have “crossed a red line” set by […]

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McDonald’s plans Golden Arches for Teotihuacan, Chichen Itza

by Pejibaye Staff April 14, 2016 El Now
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Company claims indigenous communities lived on maiz, tortillas and McRibs (PNS reporting from CHICHEN ITZA) In a fresh effort by McDonald’s to prove that “tamales are a thing of the past,” the U.S. food chain has opened locations at famed Aztec and Mayan sites of Teotihuacan and Chichen Itza, with plans to expand to Guatemala’s […]

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Facebook to change Latin American URL to ElFahhhhhce.com

by Pejibaye Staff March 30, 2016 El Now
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(PNS reporting from MENLO PARK, SILICON VALLEY) In a push to make the world’s most popular social media network region-friendly, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg announced today that the Latin American URL for the company’s website will be changed to ElFahhhhhce.com, a decision celebrated by the 400 million users south of the U.S. border.

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Castro defends ‘Blue Rubber Band Man’ as July 4 parade marshall

by Comic Saenz March 29, 2016 El Now
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(PNS reporting from VISALIA, CA) Outgoing Visalia Chamber of Commerce president Adrianna Castro stands behind the selection of her brother, area broccoli farmer and businessman Eddie Reyes, to serve as Grand Marshall for the annual July 4th parade. “Eddie is not only an outstanding, civic-mind citizen,” she told PNS early this morning, “but his blue broccoli […]

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Good Friday particularly disappointing for ambitious Facebook post

by SYDNEY PRESLEY March 25, 2016 El Now
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(PNS reporting from RANCHO CUCAMONGA) The clock is ticking for Pope Franciss’ Facebook post, which is 50 AMEN comments short of its 10k goal and the promised resurrection and triumphant return of Jesus Christ. The photo posted by the FB account using the Pontiff’s image has garnered thousands of “likes” and “shares” but was shy of […]

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Around Our Town on St. Paddy’s Day: Where to go, what to do

by CHALE KNICKERBOCKER, SOCIETY EDITOR March 17, 2016 Cultura
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LUCK OF THE IRISH: Look for a pot o’ gold at the end of the rainbow today at Gustavo O’Grady’s Bar y Grill on East Olmos Boulevard. The popular hangout will serve corned beef tacos, potato-stuffed chiles rellenos and beer-marinated enchilada irlanda sliders at $1 each during Happy Hour. Happy Hour, you lucky leprechauns, lasts all […]

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Costa Rica man freaks out at concept of ‘too much’ Lizano Sauce

by Pejibaye Staff March 9, 2016 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from PAVAS, COSTA RICA) Jose Valdez slipped into an existential crisis Tuesday after he spent the majority of his lunch hour at a neighborhood soda staring at his untouched bowl of rice and deeply debating whether he could physically add more Salsa Lizano to his already drenched platter. The crisis began when Valdez, […]

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