Dear undocumented immigrants: You suck at freeloading

Damn you immigrants and your lecherous burritos!

I  hate undocumented immigrants. I spent most of the holidays on my roof, throwing used cell phones and rusty nine-volt batteries at my undocumented family members as they arrived for festive gatherings. (Tía Lupe should be out of the hospital any day now, and you better believe that ICE will be waiting to cart her away from her children.)

My hatred for the undocumented is normally on a controlled boil. However, after viewing the Racist White Ladies video, my hatred steamed up.

These classy and thoughtful young ladies made me realize that there is much more to hate about undocumented immigrants, especially the fact that they’re always walking around carrying burritos lecherously. Zing! You really nailed them on that one ladies.

How stupid are undocumented immigrants? Well, they can’t even freeload properly!

Everyone “knows” that the undocumented are a drain on federal and state funds and are driving this country to ruin, but now it appears they can’t even get that right.

Undocumented immigrants contribute billions into Social Security and Medicare even though they are unable to claim any benefits.

The non-partisan Congressional Budget Office clarifies:

 …over the past two decades, most efforts to estimate the fiscal impact of immigration in the United States have concluded that, in aggregate and over the long term, tax revenues of all types generated by immigrants — both legal and unauthorized — exceed the costs of the services they use.

That’s just God-awful freeloading! It doesn’t make sense.

What’s wrong with you undocumented people?  It’s like breaking into someone’s home to clean it and leaving a flat-screen TV behind.

Have those burritos gone to your heads?

Your handsome and humble servant —

El Guapo

Also, gracias to NewsTaco for this estory. Burrito photo by Ernesto Andrade.