Doctors discover natural, instant antidote for unwanted erections

by María Purísima on June 12, 2012 in Cultura, Pocho Ñews Service

(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Doctors here have discovered an all-natural, fast-acting antidote to unwanted, persistent erections caused by Viagra.

The “erectile dysfunction” drug when taken in excess (and sometimes when taken normally) can cause serious cardiovascular and nerve damage, just like the familiar warnings say.

“We sort of made the discovery by accident when one of our study participants shared his home remedy for overcoming the powerful effects of Viagra,” Dr. Phillip Werner of the University of Texas Health Science Center told a press conference Monday:

The truth is that, often, as physicians we all too often turn to drugs to counteract other drugs when the answer is staring us in the face — literally.

Traditionally, a Viagra OD (or persistent erection, known as priapism) is treated with a cocktail of drugs with side effects like hearing loss, vision loss, stroke, heart attack and worse. With this new discovery, announced this week in the journal Bain’s Scientific Amercian, Werner and his colleagues hope to prevent the potential pain and damage of a stubborn stiffy.

The breakthrough came when study participant Analco Rodriguez complained to his doctor that is efforts to please his incessantly-demanding wife Carmen were often curtailed when she responded to his advances with a colloquial that never failed to ruin his libido.

Rodriguez chose to reveal himself to the public — for science — despite the public shame because doctors told him the cure worked wonders for other study participants.

“The truth is, my wife Carmen never talks sexy to me when we are, uh, intimate,” Rodriguez said shyly at the press conference. “She never tells me manly things, never calls my, uh, you know, member, anything strong or masculine. But she has a name for it that’s a puro boner buster!”

Here is Rodriguez’ list of proven deflationary declamations:

  • Pipi
  • The phrase Mira nomas is a tie with
  • How cute
  • Is that it? was also a potent antidote
  • As was Ohhhhh….

Researcher Werner said they will continue to look for ways to implement natural remedies into the lives of everyday Americans.

In the meantime, Rodriguez says he has been working on his own personal struggle by drinking too much and singing Vicente Fernandez songs.

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

{ 2 comments }

Francisca Fontes June 12, 2012 at 10:58 AM

Oh my God! This is so hilarious. I can’t stop laughing.

Si Si No No June 12, 2012 at 4:44 PM

Also effective…
“Reminds me of dad”
&
“Ooh, I love curly fries!”

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