Forget Romney – Gingrich tops PNS ¿Quien Es Mas Loco? poll

by Victor Payan on January 11, 2012 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

Plans to "turn up the loco"

(PNS reporting from NEW ENGLAND) While former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA) led the pack in Tuesday’s New Hampshire GOP primary, it was former House speaker Newt Gingrich who emerged as the solid leader in the first PNS Presidential Race War ¿Quien es Mas Loco? poll.

Gingrich’s “Contract on America,” his conversion to Catholicism and his inhuman serving of divorce papers to his hospitalized wife gave him the clear advantage as the Mas Loco presidential candidate for 2012.

While 37.3% of respondents voted Gingrich as the head loco, 36.2% of voters agreed Minn. Rep. Michele Bachmann was still the number-two loca, despite the fact that she dropped out of the race last week. “It’s those eyes,” said one respondent. “I still can’t get them out of my head! I can’t even pray them away!”

In response to Bachmann’s strong showing, Gingrich vowed to “turn up the loco” from now until election day.

“I don’t want there to be any doubt,” said Gingrich. “I may have placed fourth in New Hampshire, but I will work hard to be the most loco presidential candidate this great nation has ever seen. We’re talking goosestepping, foaming-at-the-mouth, coked-out, narco-loco crazy.”

Insiders have told Pocho Ñews Service that the Gingrich campaign will unleash a kinky “furry friends” sex tape, a drunken rant against undocumented immigrants and a morning chat show on Oprah Winfrey’s OWN network.

“Be afraid of this guy. He’s 100% end-of-the-world loco,” said one source, who wished to remain anonymous as well as alive.

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt “Stormin’ Mormon” Romney placed third in the Mas Loco poll, primarily because respondents felt his Mexican roots made him more wild, violent and unpredictable than other candidates.

Pollsters felt the overtly cool Romney possessed “hot Mexican blood” that could erupt at any moment and cause him to shank one of his fellow candidates in a tequila-fueled crime of passion.

“Beneath that cool New England exterior is a polygamous desert bandido waiting to jump out,” said one respondent.

Romney’s high ranking in the poll was also propelled by a growing group of zealots known as “Nacimienteros” who are demanding to see his father’s birth certificate.

“Romney’s father was born in Mexico,” said Nacimientero spokesperson Ray Vingnutter.  “If his papi was an illegal, then so is Romney. We don’t want no anchor baby poster child running this country. Show us Jorge Romney’s birth certificate! Show us Jorge Romney’s birth certificate!”

The Nacimienteros have also been actively spreading rumors that Mitt Romney’s birth name is Mittchoacan.

Ex-senator Rick Santorum, who took a turn beneath every Republican candidate except Rick Perry in the primary, placed fourth on the Mas Loco scale with 7.9%, followed by Ron Paul with 4.6% and Rick Perry with 2.4%.

Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman came in last with only 1.5% of the votes, as many respondents did not believe he was a real person.

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of the Pocho Corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

Gingrich caricature by Donkey Hotey.

{ 1 comment }

Chingonao con Queso January 11, 2012 at 7:53 AM

Where is the Romney is Mexican story? You’ve already been beaten by Huffington Post and Fox Propaganda Latino!

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