Discovery! ‘Lost’ French tribe found in painted cave near Puebla, MX

by Victor Payan on May 4, 2015 in Cultura, El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

cavewallpicnic(PNS reporting from MEXICO) Mexican researchers are baffled by the discovery of a lost tribe of Frenchmen living in an artfully-decorated cave in the foothills of Mt. Popocatépetl in the state of Puebla.

The Frenchmen, found by a group of hikers, are believed to be descended from a military patrol that went missing in 1862, during the French occupation of Mexico.

The cave was discovered when the hikers followed the distinct smell of espresso to its entrance.  Upon entering, they found the walls painted with scenes of picnics and absinthe drinkers and the floors littered with empty bottles of the hallucinatory liqueur.

Through the process of cabron-dating, which involves reading the label on the bottle, it was confirmed the absinthe was from the Napoleonic Era.

absinthedrinker640“We had heard legends of Frenchmen being sighted in the area,” said hiker Jay Tencule, “but this is the first time anyone found concrete evidence of their existence.” Tencule immediately called authorities, and a team of researchers arrived to set up video cameras near the cave.  Within hours, the cameras captured the first images of Frenchmen to be seen in Puebla in more than 150 years.

According to researchers, the Frenchmen were filmed returning from a hunting party, laden with cartons of Gauloise cigarettes, wine, cheese and flour for making baguettes.

“That was all the evidence we needed to know they were French,” said Beau Liyo, researcher from the Universidad Autonoma de Tlaxcalatechingo.

When confronted by researchers, the Frenchmen put up a fight, but naturally lost.

Researchers were able to communicate with the initially-frightened Frenchmen through offensive hand gestures and deep conversations about philosophy and the meaning of existence.

Although it is a mystery how the Frenchmen were able to reproduce for 152 years while remaining virtually cut off from the modern world, researchers believe it has some relation to the history of unexplained pregnancies in the nearby village of San Quassante de Pardu, a community known for its rudeness and where names such as Pancheau, Pableau and Ernesteau are common.

Parents in Puebla have long used the legend of the silent Frenchmen, known as mimitos, to frighten children into going to sleep early.  It is many a Puebla mother who has warned her child, “Be careful or los mimitos will bring you creamy pastries and heavy meals of rich foods that will give you nightmares if you eat them late at night.”

While never particularly effective, this legend nevertheless instilled a fear of mimes that runs deep in the people of Puebla to this day.

The discovery of the Frenchmen has created a sensation on the anniversary of the Battle of Puebla, when Mexican peasants defeated the heavily-armed French army.

In a TV Azteca interview about the discovery of the Frenchman, Mexican President Pena-Nieto waxed philosophical on anniversary:

History will never know what the outcome of the Battle of Puebla would have been if this lost patrol had fought on that fateful Cinco de Mayo in 1862. Perhaps we would be speaking French. Perhaps we would have had great cinema during the 1970s instead of ficheras. Perhaps we would have berets the size of sombreros. Perhaps our pan dulce would not be so dry.

After pausing a moment, El Presidente continued, “Or we would have still beaten them con puros chingazos, only perhaps less quickly.”

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo, Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.


Yes, we’ve run this story before. It’s just that good. 🙂

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