@MexicanMitt on the DNC: THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED!

by MEXICAN MITT ROMNEY on September 7, 2012 in El Now

COMO CHINGA ESE OBAMA.

If this Democratic convention was the FIESTA, then this yobs report is the CRUDA!

There is no bowl of menudo big enough to cure the mess that Barack Obama has failed to clean up after the frat boy party thrown by George W. Bush. Whoops, never mind that I mentioned what’s-his-face.

Even Julian Castro’s Menudo Cook-Off-winning abuela could not boil enough pansa for Americans to stomach four more years of Marxist Socialist Communism Veganism. I have no facts to back that up, but GUATEVER. I don’t need facts, I AM A RICH DUDE.

As for the actual Democrap convention, here’s my review:

YEAH, THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED. THEY DIDNT HAVE ONE SINGLE CRAZY VIEJITO YELLING AT FURNITURE EXCEPT FOR JOE BIDEN.

Here’s my suggestion for your slogan. OBAMA 2012: HOPE THERE’S CHANGE!

During Obama’s hilarious speech, BILL CLINTON was BACKSTAGE SAYING, WHY DID YOU CUT YOUR ESPEECH IN HALF?

IT WAS BAD ENOUGH WHEN HE WAS BLACK REAGAN, NOW HE’S BLACK LINCOLN.

Obama and his criminal Chicago Deep Dish-style thugs offered nothing but name calling. I am not out of touch with the economic plight of you dirty pobres. All you have to do to start a business, or go to college is BORROW MONEY FROM YOUR PARENTS, THEY CAN JUST TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR MASSIVE INHERITANCE TRUST FUND, DUH.

And as for the pinche claims that I am some kind of newbie to diplomacy, let me say: I AM NOT NEW TO FOREIGN POLICY, I HIRE ONLY SALVADORAN MAIDS. The Guatemalan maids always steal. And when I went to England, and I insulted all the gap-toothed Brits, let me just say: THOSE DIRTY LIMEYS HAD IT COMING.

And with the Osama Bin Laden thing — WE GOT IT. He’s dead. I bet you the Navy Seals didn’t even shoot him in the face, I bet he just tripped on his turban and fell on some bullets real hard, and you are trying to take all the credit. OK, PINCHE BLACK BEARDED GI JOE.

I am Rafalca-slappin’ mad that in Obama’s espeech there was no SALUTE to THE BRAVE MISSIONARIES SERVING OVER IN FRANCE. Shameful.

And one more thing, I think it is an insult to chivo farmers everywhere that the Democ-rats promote cow stomach over the fine dish that is goat birria. It is insulting and also HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS. I smell a Solyndra-type scandal brewing here.

I will see you pinches GUEYES on the CAMPAIGN TRAIL on my specially-outfitted TRES ESTRELLAS bus. AJUA!

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