Mexicans voters flock to polls, lube up, brace for new ‘sexenio’

by Victor Payan on July 1, 2012 in Cultura, El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

(PNS reporting from MEXICO) Mexicans vote today to choose their next president from three lackluster front-runners:

  • Institutional Revolutionary Party (PRI) pretty boy Enrique Peña Nieto
  • Seasoned Democratic Revolutionary Party (PRD) firebrand  Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador
  • Non-Institutional Anti-Revolutionary Party (PAN) centrist Josephina Vazquez Mota.

International election monitors are fanning out across the country to prevent a repeat of 2006’s polling fiasco, in which PRD candidate Lopez Obrador alleged serious election fraud that resulted in a narrow victory for PAN candidate Felipe Calderon.  A national controversy erupted which resulted in a partial recount similar to the 2000 U.S. Presidential election.

Unlike the U.S. election, however, Lopez Obrador and the PAN had the cojones to contest the results and actually set up an alternative administration in Mexico City to assert his victory. Fistfights over the results also broke out in the Mexican Legislative Palace, including one that was broadcast live to tha nation right before Calderon was sworn into office.

North of the border, the campaign of GOP nominee wannabe Gov. Mitt Romney is paying close attention to the election and is especially eager to learn the latest in election tampering techniques.

In addition to destroying ballots, vote rigging and posthumous write-ins, the PRI has negotiated a special promotion this weekend to waive Western Union fees in transactions involving the purchase of votes from Mexican citizens residing in the U.S.  The current exchange rate for votes is 132.65090 pesos and is expected to increase by the end of the day.

While none of the candidates have demonstrated clear ideas for stopping narco violence, fighting poverty, eliminating corruption or defending human rights, Lopez Obrador’s More of the Same campaign is slightly more popular with voters than Vazquez Mota’s aggressive promises to Maintain the Status Quo.

PAN candidate Vazquez Mota appeared to emerge as the frontrunner early in the election season, with exuberant chants of “Queremos PAN!” and “Queremos Mota!” breaking out at her rallies. Her numbers dropped rapidly in the polls, however, as Mexicans soon realized she was neither giving out free bread nor fat doobies.

The 2012 Mexican election will be historic for many reasons, including the possibility for the PRI to reclaim its 71-year reign; for Lopez Obrador to be vindicated in his claims of winning the 2006 election; and for the Mexican people to resist the temptation of electing a President named ”Mota.”

While current polls show PRI candidate Enrique Peña Nieto to be leading the race, a majority of Mexicans consider him to be a puppet for the PRI oligarchy, particularly senior despot Carlos Salinas de Gortari.

Despite looking like Florida Sen. Marco Rubio’s fresh-faced hermano from another gusano, Peña Nieto has made several serious campaign blunders, including insulting an entire generation of students and launching a national political uprising known as the “Mexican Spring,” which is not to be confused with the popular Tijuana birth control device.

The Mexican Spring was sparked by insensitive remarks Peña Nieto made on May 11 to student protestors at the Ibero-American University who surrounded him during a campus visit wearing Salinas de Gortari masks.

Peña Nieto’s dismissal of the protestors as nothing more than 131 actors paid for by the opposition led people all over the world, including the Rolling Stones, the Dalai Lama (see New York Times screen capture, above) and the Dalai Parton to declare “Yo Soy 132” which translates as “I Am 132.” Some extreme protestors have gone so far as to declare “Yo Soy 133.”

Political analysts, mathematicians, psychic Walter Mercado and the Mayan calendar all predict a victory by Lopez Obrador, but Fox News has already posted results on its website declaring Peña Nieto as the winner.

The Mexican president serves a six-year term, known as the “sexenio.” While some believe this word relates to the number of years in the presidential term, it is actually a reference to the fact that the Mexican people get royally screwed after each election.

Graphic by Monero Hernandez.

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo, Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court. Don’t ask us, we just work here.

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