Miami braces for mass influx as Cuba lifts travel restrictions

by Santino J. Rivera on October 17, 2012 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Restrictions that kept Cubans from fleeing the island for half a century will be lifted, according to the Communist Party Central Committee’s official newspaper, Granma.

And in a candid interview, America’s favorite Latino rebel Fidel Castro was asked how he felt America would respond to the new policy and expected exodus. He replied simply: “Fuck ‘em.”

“As part of the work under way to update the current migratory policy and adjust it to the conditions of the present and the foreseeable future, the Cuban government, in exercise of its sovereignty, has decided to again flood Miami with even more of our people because fuck America. How you like me now, bitches?” Castro told PNS.

Exit visas, which were required along with a letter of invitation in order to travel abroad, made leaving the country impossible for most Cubans, many of whom resorted to building homemade rafts from coconut parts and cigar paper in order to sail towards the United States in hopes of reaching dry land.

Per the U.S. “wet feet, dry feet policy” any Cuban who manages to make it to U.S. soil is allowed to remain – no questions asked.

Under Cuba’s new policy, being dubbed by Castro as “KMA” or “Kiss My Ass,” residents will be allowed to remain “abroad” for 24 months, and the time limit can be extended. Castro says that he doesn’t expect anyone to actually return and further, that, “he doesn’t give a shit.”

While many are excited about the new policy there will still be travel restrictions on doctors, scientists, members of the military and others considered “valuable” to Cuba. In short, Castro said that anyone who is sick, incarcerated, mentally ill or homeless is now “free to find their way in America” and also “blow me, Uncle Sam.”

Changes to the law are set to go into effect Jan. 14, 2013. Castro’s estranged, exiled son Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, was unavailable for comment but was said to have been spotted in several plastic surgeons’ offices around the Miami area.

Santino J. Rivera is an Indie Publisher/Author @ Broken Sword Publications

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

{ 2 comments }

Al Carlos Hernandez October 17, 2012 at 9:23 AM

TOP Ten Reasons Fidel Castro Thinks Cuba’s Communism Failed
Al Carlos Hernandez

10. Tired of being rushed to the hospital in the trunk of a 1958 Buick

9. Finally realized that the rest of the Cubanos didn’t know how to amass a $2 billion personal fortune.

8. Tired of being accused of being a ZZ Top wanna-be.

7. Someone finally have the nerve to tell him Army pants makes his booty look huge.

6. No hope of ever fielding a world class long distance Olympic swimming team.

5. Average worker earns 20 dollars a month; anyone making 25 a month or over is considered a Republican.

4. He no longer thinks that exploding cigars are funny.

3. He ran out of spies because they would never come back.

2. Everything is free but the people.

1. Because it did fail. ¡Viva Cuba Libre!

Texano78704 October 18, 2012 at 2:01 PM

Aw shit! Is it too late to get Ted Cruz to self-deport?

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