New Year Ñews: Local man says Obama stole his American Dream

by Comic Saenz on January 1, 2014 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

passedoutbig(PNS reporting from EL PASO) Jason Morales finally figured out why his “get up and go” got up and went, he told friends at Hoopy Frood’s on New Year’s Eve, and all clues point to President Barack Obama.

“President Afrika Hussein Bambata is the worst president in this country’s history,” he announced to the teeming North Mesa Street establishment after his fourth Blue Moon with an orange wedge, “and he has robbed me of my chance at the American dream.”

“You shouldn’t have took more than you gave, Bronco Bama, or you wouldn’t be in this mess today!” he shouted just after the ball dropped in Times Square.

“I just checked in to see what condition my condition was in,” he added.

Friends said later that Morales, a divorced 35-year-old advertising account executive, had been having some trouble at work after “the pole dancer on the expense account incident” but thought he had gotten over it. One coworker noted that Morales had recently seen this other guy “drivin’ round town with the girl that I love so fuck you!”

Morales’ outbursts were unremarked at the time on account of the general bedlam in the bar, but he became the object of everyone’s attention when he jumped on “the good pool table” and began what was later described as a lewd dance that included mock masturbation motions with a pool cue.

“Obama! Obama! Rack your balls! I’m ready for you and your Sponge Bob minions, absorbing the messy spilled life blood from real American working people!” he taunted.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just enthusiastic, not crazy,” said long-time friend Sam Givens as he dragged Morales off the pool table and into the men’s room. “He just needs to sleep it off.”

And so he did (photo, above.)

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