Post image for Breaking: Obama says U.S. will bomb Twerky

Breaking: Obama says U.S. will bomb Twerky

by Lalo Alcaraz on August 30, 2013 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

obamatwerkyyy(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) President Barack Obama has abruptly dismissed the possibility of launching a U.S. military action against Syria and opted for another world trouble spot.

“I am making preparations to bomb Twerky,” the President declared in a nationally-televised speech Friday afternoon. “It is clear that Syria has used banned chemical weapons against its own people, but I must be guided by what is in the best interests of the United States, and the actual clear and present danger to our nation is coming from Twerky.”

Twerky is the suspected source of twerking in the United States, and is causing much consternation and dread in the American public.

The British Parliament, not being familiar with the dance phenomenon of twerking, which is to dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance, has voted to not take any action until further evidence can be presented, possibly at the Mercury Awards, Britain’s top music awards ceremony.

Advisers said the president would be willing to retaliate against Twerky alone.

“The President of the United States is elected with the duty to protect the national security interests in the United States of America, and of his daughters” White House spokesman Dan Soff said. “This dangerous threat cannot spread.”

“As we’ve said, President Obama’s decision making will be guided by what is in the best interests of the United States,” Soff said. “He believes that there are core interests at stake for the United States and that countries who violate international norms and encourage our children to ‘Bounce that ass, shake that ass like the Twerk Team,’ need to be served.”

U.S. Rep. Gene Kelly (D-NY), top Democrat on the House Foreign Affairs Committee, said after a White House teleconference with some Congress members Thursday, “The main thing was that they have no doubt that American youth are employing Twerking as an openly hostile and unauthorized method of rebellion.”

Social media users have been horrified and traumatized by seeing the result of twerking, mainly rapidly jiggling hips and buttocks moving to beat-heavy strip club music.

Kelly said administration officials did not provide new evidence but revealed the government has intercepted “some discussions and some indications from a high-level official” in Twerky that the dance is being targeted to the American white community. U.S. Sen. Bob Enweave (R-TN), ranking member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, said he would support “surgical, proportional military strikes” against Twerky and also enemy combatants here in the U.S. like former child star and top advocate of twerking Miley Cyrus, also known by her terrorist nom de guerre “Hannah Montana.”

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