Operation Wet Parachute: U.S. to drop Mexican deportees from planes

Better than catapult-based deportee delivery systems

(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) In an effort to “adapt to current budget realities,” the Federales of Los United Estates will begin flying deported immigrants back to Mexico and dropping them from airplanes over their home states.

This plan, dubbed Operation Wet Parachute, is the brainchild of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano who said yesterday she got the idea while making margaritas and watching the film Point Break.

Napolitano told PNS that busing Mexicans back across the border has become dangerous for deportees and that the parachute program will be more efficient and more humane than catapult-based deportee delivery systems.

Until now, the U.S. government has only experimented with catapulting Mexicans on an occasional basis because the results have been messy.

Catapulted deportees also become an additional burden for Mexican authorities, who must try to find the scattered remains once they land, which can be difficult during holidays.

Napolitano says the new parachute policy will send screaming immigrants directly into their homes where she hopes they will stay put:

We’re trying to be as humane as possible these days. A lot of these people are easy targets for cartels and human traffickers once the bus drops them off – not so with our parachute program. We’re going to be safely and swiftly dropping these hot tamales right into their little haciendas where it is our hope that they will remain there…unless they want to come back and help us make parachutes. We will need the help.

Napolitano announced the government’s plans during a one-day visit to Mexico City, adding that the aerial deportation program will begin in April or just as soon as they can get enough parachutes made by immigrant labor.

The Mexican government will also help out by providing deportees landing targets on or near their homes made of brightly colored conchas.

Experts agree  the U.S. government will save money by dropping illegal Mexicans out of planes over their home states. Homeland Security reports that a record 400,000 people were deported during the fiscal year that ended Sept. 30 2011 and that deportees are often reluctant to “pitch in” for gas money.

S. J. Rivera is an Indie Publisher/Author @ Broken Sword Publications.