8. Aqua Net: Yeah, for hair, stupid. But I also use this for multiple things like bug spray, deodorant, and even as a substitute for glue.
7. Mazapan: Marzipan is a yummy almond-flavored treat and mazapan is a similar treat made with peanuts. Instead of eating like a horse on your date, pop one of these in your mouth to hold you, you don’t want to look like my homegirl La Piggy.
6. Morning After Pill: I know you have probably taken this within the last two months but it’s quite all right, I am a ho, too. Always be prepared, Junior does not need a little brother.
5. Carmex Moisture Lip Balm: A cracked-out face does not go well with cracked lips; moisturize them labia girl both of ‘em arriba y pa down low!
4. Maybelline Water Proof Liquid Liner: This shit is better than crack I mean I don’t do crack but anyway. This shit will last you the whole day until your favorite novela at night.
3. Calling Card: You never know when you are going to have to call your man in prison! Chances are the money that you put in his books have been cashed in for some lube and PlayGirl magazines oh and top ramen!
2. Brochure for American Career College: Keep this for inspiration because one day you will finish Adult School and get the middle school education you always dreamed of.
And the top item every pocha should carry in her purse is:
Another Purse: Hey man, those fake designer purses from El Callejon in Santee Alley don’t last so with all the crap you have in there that shit might break. Hint: Put eight more things in it.
Image courtesy ISpotBags.co.