Pocho Ocho top ways El Chapo could escape again

by Especial Correspondents on January 8, 2016 in El Now, Pocho Ocho

elchapotunnelMexico has recaptured fugitive drug cartel jefe El Chapo Guzman –– who notoriously tunneled out of a high security prison last summer –- but the criminal mastermind isn’t done yet.

Sources tell our correspondents that Guzman’s narcotrafficante associates are already working on plans to bust the gangster out of his next cellblock; we’ve compiled this list of the Pocho Ocho Top Ways El Chapo Could Escape Again:

8. Trained bats

7. Incredible shrinking ray

6. Those gigantor worms from Tremors

5. Uber.MX with special escape surge pricing

4. Jedi mind tricks

3. Rescue party mounted by Oregon Bundy “militia” in exchange for snacks

2. Get Out of Jail Free Card or Marco Rubio High Heel Booties™, whichever comes first

And the numero uno way El Chapo could escape again….

Jerry Seinfeld’s 1963 silver Corvette Stingray

Al Madrigal, Lalo Alcaraz, Maria Purísima and Comic Saenz contributed to this report.

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