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Pope: ‘Quakes are message from God: Let there be gay’

by Especial Correspondents on April 1, 2014 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

popebylalocropped (PNS reporting from VATICAN CITY) The recent earthquakes in Southern California are a message from God, according to Pope Francis. The Almighty, he told a visiting delegation of American Catholics Monday, will shake things up until they are more gay.

“Lord knows this mortal world needs some bright flashes of color that aren’t suicide bomb explosions in crowded markets,” the Pontiff said.”And maybe some marigold-print cafe curtains in that drab nook over there.”

“War in the Crimea? What is this? Re-runs on the History Channel before it was all Nazis and aliens? Let’s put on our glittering disco balls and let our love lights shine,” he said. “Push push in the bush, and turn the other cheek.”

American theologian Rev. Fred Phelps (Westboro Rapist) agreed with the head of the Roman Catholic Church. “The anti-Christ puppet of the devil Pope could be right on this one,” said a message posted on his GodHatesFags website. “I may have to picket my own funeral.”

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