Random sampling of Arizonans elated by SCOTUS SB1070 ruling

by Lalo Alcaraz on June 25, 2012 in El Now

Some Arizonans were elated that the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that one key part of SB1070 is constitutional at the same time three other portions were overturned in today’s 5-3 opinion.

The part ruled constitutional requires an officer to make a reasonable attempt to determine the immigration status of a person stopped, detained or arrested if there’s reasonable suspicion that person is in the country illegally. Anything from sombreros to brown skin may allow police to inquire about one’s immigration status.

Reactions from a random sampling of Arizonans were positive and optimistic.

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer’s bony-ass mummy finger was held high in the air upon hearing of the mixed decision: “We Kept ONE! We Kept ONE!” The aged papyrus-skinned governor declared victory: “The Supremes voided much of SB1070 but let us keep my favorite part– profiling those smooth-skinned Mexicans.”

This is seen as a business-friendly ruling. Following the SCOTUS decision, Arizona’s Sally Beauty Supply announced they will have a sale on all blonde hair color solutions, and a new process called “Untanning.”

Russell Pearce, the author of the Hate State’s immigration law, told Salon he’s “very happy” with the Supreme Court ruling. Pearce hopes to celebrate the Supreme Court ruling with a lavish banquet at a local Phoenix Mexican restaurant, but he is currently banned from all Mexican restaurants in the area. Pearce’s SB 1070 fiesta may be limited to a Burrito Supreme at a Taco Bell in New Mexico.

Despite the ruling, SB1070 is still suspended, and has to go back to lower courts for implementation.

Once it does take effect, the federal government will not automatically accept for deportation every person arrested under SB 1070 in Arizona, federal immigration officials said Monday.

Immigration and Customs Enforcement said it will not take action when receiving calls from local police unless the person arrested meet priorities for deportation. ICE’s priorities include illegal immigrants who have been convicted of serious crimes and those who pose a threat to national security.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio said he is excited to continue enforcing the profiling part of SB1070. “I started a whole new program to trap illegal toddlers and kindergartners, which began last week when I arrested a six-year old girl. The perp was obviously an international terrorist here to take jobs from Dora the Explorer and Handy Manny.”

In an unforeseen development, undocumented Irish immigrants now flocking to Arizona. “It’s like a sanctuary state for white illegal aliens,” said bartender Chauncey O’Shea, adding “It’s the Luck O’ The Irish to be born pasty white, and not black and tan (photo, right.)

Irish pub in Phoenix photo by Cobalt 123.

{ 1 comment }

Robert Rose June 25, 2012 at 4:18 PM

Hilarious!!! Nice work!

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