abuela

Where have all the brown folks gone? I’m In love with ‘Coco’ that is

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Where have all the brown folks gone?

I sit at a bar and I count how many are like me, I count two in a room of 30, one is a bar back Latinx and one is an African American bartender, I’ve done this since I realized that I am the other, and I need to find allies quick, in case shit goes down, in case there’s a race war

I order thai food from a food truck and the señor making the food could be my primo, while the Asian owner takes my order

Mas…Where have all the brown folks gone? I’m In love with ‘Coco’ that is

Jesus, please! What do you mean ‘No Easter Bunny?’ (video)

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When Juanita Carmelita throws an Easter party for the kids, she’s expecting the Easter Bunny to make a guest appearance. But the costume store is out of bunny costumes, so a long-haired bearded Savior-looking guy in robes shows up instead. Dare we expect . . . . a MIRACLE? [Frankie Quiñones stars as Juanita Carmelita.]

PREVIOUSLY ON JUANITA CARMELITA:

Mas…Jesus, please! What do you mean ‘No Easter Bunny?’ (video)

This is my new motto: ‘WWND? What would nana do?’

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nanaWhile advances in technology make some areas of our lives easier, good old-fashioned child rearing has become more complicated.

In our grandparent’s day, it was a simpler time. They didn’t have the luxury of worrying about play dates and preschool applications.

I have a motto that has become a guiding principle for applying “old school” methods to present day parenting.

What would nana do?

I’m barely awake, preparing breakfast while holding the baby, trying to sip on day old coffee when my toddler asks me to cut her bread into shapes.

WWND? In nana’s day, a square slice was the only shape you were going to get.

It’s 4:30 pm, the witching hour. Despite the baby screaming all day, I’ve proudly set the table and prepared a healthy dinner. My toddler takes one look at her plate and breaks down in tears because she wants ice cream for dinner.

Mas…This is my new motto: ‘WWND? What would nana do?’

Hillary: I’m like your abuela! Twitter: #NoMames #NotMyAbuela

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hilllaryabuelaHillary Clinton’s campaign shared the “7 Ways Hillary Clinton Is Just Like Your Abuela” on her website Tuesday (photo), after daughter Chelsea announced that she was pregnant.

“[Hillary] isn’t afraid to talk about the importance of el respeto,” the site proclaimed, and “she knows what’s best.”

Also, we learned, “she reacts this way when people le faltan el respeto:”

Mas…Hillary: I’m like your abuela! Twitter: #NoMames #NotMyAbuela

Abuela with iPad terrorizes area family via Facebook

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IGgrannyipad(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Rigoberto “Rigo” Chavez, 15, cringed in horror when he logged into Facebook Thursday morning and received a notification that his abuelita had once again commented on his status.

The high school junior had posted a status that read “$waaaag$” and Abuelita replied in ALL CAPS:

CACHORRITO ERES LA LUZ DE MI VIDA. CUIDATE MUCHO TE QUIERO

Mas…Abuela with iPad terrorizes area family via Facebook

Dear Abuelita: Gay for a day, my 34C boobs, a career in modeling

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Dear Abuelita,
I wear a 34C bra. My boyfriend is always scoping out girls with bigger boobs. Should I get implants?
Titi Caca

Dear Titi Caca,
Here’s what you need to do: Tell your boyfriend to look in the mirror the next time he wants to see a big boob then dump the pendejo. As for you, make yourself an appointment for a self-esteem implant ASAP. That’s all I have to say. I don’t have time to figure out the root of your insecurities. There are more important things to focus on than your pea-sized mosquito bites.

Do you have any idea how much trouble big chi-chis are? Let me tell you, they can be a real pain in the ass! I mean it, I once flung mine over my shoulders so hard the damned things left bruises on my nalgas.
Love, Your Abuelita

Mas…Dear Abuelita: Gay for a day, my 34C boobs, a career in modeling