boyfriend


Sara Inés Calderón — POCHO’s Subcommandanta del Ñews and @SaraChicaD on the Tuiter — is facing Valentine’s Day without a boyfriend, a novio. Her grandmother recommends a statue of St. Anthony, the marriage saint; with San Antonio, according to her abuela, she won’t miss the love train.


Sara Inés Calderón — POCHO’s Subcommandanta del Ñews and @SaraChicaD on the Tuiter — is facing Valentine’s Day without a boyfriend, a novio. Her grandmother recommends a statue of St. Anthony, the marriage saint; with San Antonio, according to her abuela, she won’t miss the love train.

Dear Abuelita,
I know the pathetic preguntas that give you the opportunity to insult poor suffering souls are the ones you pick to answer, but I really need your ayuda! So put your hearing aids and reading anteojos on and eschuchame!

Some members of mi familia are pinche plain racist, elitist, and sexist! As the elections get closer and closer no se si I can keep my mouth shut yet don’t want to cause family fights.

How am I going to avoid these heated subjects when I come from a family that lets their chonies blow in the wind?
Love, Liberal Mexican-Americans Everywhere

Dear LIMA Beaner,
So not to disappoint you, I am selecting your pathetic pregunta to top off this week’s advice column.

You have no problem being a smarty nalga when it comes to writing me so I don’t see why you have difficulty holding ground with your whacked-out racist, elitist, and sexist familia. What’s family without the occasional pedo anyway? [Mas…]

Dear Abuelita:
Why do Mexicans/pochas always wear cutoff jeans to the playa? It bothers me that we have some of the most beautiful women in our raza that they are not proud of their beauty.
Signed, El Pocho

Dear Beach Bothered Bingo,
So, according to you, Mexicans (pochas) need to walk around the beach with their nalgas pa fuera (like the sucia gabachas) in order to feel proud of her beauty. Who says they’re not proud?

Mexican (pocha) chicas in cutoff jeans and the playa go together like the homies in cholo chorts and tube socks kicking it on the sand. Are you going to ask those vatos why they don’t wear Speedos? Déjalo, leave them alone. Just worry about the sand in your own crack and go watch another rerun of Baywatch.
Love, Abuelita [Mas…]