Carlos Aguilar

Pocho Ocho Top Things To Expect If We Had A Mexican President

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Tio Bernie? Uncle Joe? I guess. But call me a dreamer because I’m still holding out hope for a late but successful third-party Mexican American presidential bid. I can already see the first 100 days unfolding….

Mira the Pocho Ocho Top Things To Expect If We Had A Mexican President:

8. Secret Service detail replaced by cousins and their pitbulls.

7. Border wall built around Texas to keep Tex-Mex recipes from emigrating.

6. All veteranos are eligible for VA benefits.

Mas…Pocho Ocho Top Things To Expect If We Had A Mexican President

Pocho Ocho Top Reasons I’m Quite Sure the Fonz Was Mexican-American

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¡Feliz Hispanic Latinx Heritage Month!

I thank God for helping me identify a previously-unrecognized Hispanic icon, a man who always embodied rebel cool, and my personal hero in that corny-ass show, Happy Days.

Gente, here are the Pocho Ocho Top Reasons I’m Quite Sure The Fonz Was Mexican-American:

8. Everybody calls him by a nickname

7. Panache

6. Leather jackets from Leon

Mas…Pocho Ocho Top Reasons I’m Quite Sure the Fonz Was Mexican-American

Pocho Ocho Top Signs Your Mexican Restaurant Is Too Authentic

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From Topeka to Tallahassee, Denver to Danvers, America suffers the scourge of inauthentic Mexican food.

Twitter has outed the worst offenders, sure, but equally troubling is the oft-neglected emergence of Mexican restaurants that are TOO authentic.

How will you know when you’ve entered the danger zone? You’re about to find out.

Here are the Pocho Ocho top signs your Mexican restaurant is too pinche authentic:

8. There’s a drunk man standing outside the restroom charging you for toilet paper.

7. The horchata is room temperature.

6. They don’t have change for your $20.

Mas…Pocho Ocho Top Signs Your Mexican Restaurant Is Too Authentic

Pocho Ocho top reasons I’m still scared of taco trucks on every corner

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Remember that Latinx Trump supporter who told us to be scared, because if Hillary were elected there would be taco trucks on every corner? This vendido:

 

Dude was right, and here are the Pocho Ocho Top Reasons Why:

8. I’ll be forced into a perpetual cycle of “How many tacos can I eat in one sitting?”

7. Increased likelihood I’m ordering after a white guy who speaks better Spanish than me (shot-out Mormon missionaries, I see tu’).

6. In the first week, I’ll lose three fingers from frostbite after digging out my Mexican Coke from under the avalanche of shaved ice.

Mas…Pocho Ocho top reasons I’m still scared of taco trucks on every corner

Pocho Ocho Most Important Terms and Conditions for Dealing With Me

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I’m not a hard guy to get along with, as long as you adhere to the Pocho Ocho Most Important Terms and Conditions for Dealing With Me:

8. Don’t call me amigo; it’s the first sign we’re not friends

7. Friends don’t let friends… put lettuce in their burritos

6. Every time you microwave a tortilla, an angel loses its wings

Mas…Pocho Ocho Most Important Terms and Conditions for Dealing With Me