chicana

MAS Whitewashing: Tucson OKs textbook list with NO Chicano authors

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tusdlogo640Let me tell you a joke. Ready? The Tucson Unified School District. Get it?

No? Allow me to me explain.

On Tuesday night the TUSD approved a textbook list for their now defunct Mexican-American Studies program, which they have dubbed “Culturally Relevant US History and US Government.” The list, which consists of 25 books, has absolutely ZERO Chicana/o authors on it.

Go ahead and read that again.

If you have been following the divine comedy in Tucson at all then you already know that they not only destroyed their wildly successful Mexican-American Studies program but that they also banned a laundry list of books by Chicana/o authors, closed barrio schools and fired MAS teachers.

Mas…MAS Whitewashing: Tucson OKs textbook list with NO Chicano authors

My Shocking True Confession: Yes, I am a ‘Chipster’

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olmoschipsterI’m a textbook Chipster.

I ride a pink road bike named Rosita or a commuter folding bike, rock the thrift store combat boots with floral print dresses, listen to independent local artists like Chicano Batman, L@s Cafeter@s, eat vegan burritos, etc.

As a matter of fact, one or more of my closest companer@s can check the boxes off POCHO’s Chiptser Check-off list. It’s with this Curriculum Vitae that I am qualified to write on the Chipster question, right?

Mas…My Shocking True Confession: Yes, I am a ‘Chipster’

Everything you wanted to know about ‘Colors’ but were afraid to ask

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If you grew up in the 80’s and 90’s, you remember the film Colors. It spawned a lot of headlines about violence at movie theaters and the spread of Los Angeles-style gang wars. The Guardian Angels even protested the flick and left a toilet bowl outside of Sean Penn’s home as an “award.” They also strapped makeshift coffins to the roofs of their cars.

The film had this weird mystique. Colors introduced suburban kids (and their parents) to a whole new world – one they would spend the next decade imitating. Long gone were the fierce but safe dance-offs in Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo – in Colors, Turbo and Ozone would have simply blown the heads off of Electro-Rock’s crew with a 12-gauge shotgun.

Mas…Everything you wanted to know about ‘Colors’ but were afraid to ask

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Lamar High junior drops ‘slave name,’ renames self ‘Jennifer Lopez’

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(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) A local teen has decided to discard her slave name “María de la Paz Rodriguez Ramírez” and rename herself “Jennifer Lopez” after her Latina idol.

“I’m tired of being kept down by the man. My slave name ‘María de la Paz’ is clearly a name with Spanish roots and my family is originally from Mexico City, the former capital of the Aztec empire,” the 16-year-old Lamar High School junior said.

“I will no longer be kept down by my conquerers’ attempts to stifle my culture.”

Mas…Lamar High junior drops ‘slave name,’ renames self ‘Jennifer Lopez’

Pocho ocho most racist things said to Latinas on online dating sites

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It’s tough for hermanas out there trying to find love — especially with the anonymity of the online dating world. What makes it even harder for Latinas online is how easy it can be for dudes to be jerks, specifically, racist jerks.

Here’s our list of the top eight racist things said to Latinas in online dating sites:

8. I’ll be your anchor baby.

7. Chupa mi cabra.

6. Our future children won’t speak Spanish, like real Americans.

Mas…Pocho ocho most racist things said to Latinas on online dating sites

The Pocho Ocho worst Valentine’s Day gifts evah?

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8. Candy Bra: Lets face it, dude, the gift wasn’t really for your girl — it was for your own enjoyment. If eating chalky conversation hearts is what turns you on, you might as well just give her one. Plus, you could have thrown it on her body when she was naked. Now you just wasted $14.95 instead of Brachs conversation hearts which are 99 cents.

7. Humidifer: Don’t buy shit just because it’s on sale, unless he or she has severe allergies. Do not let yourself look like a mouth breather.

6. Electric Blanket: I know, I know, I actually got this as a gift on Valentine’s Day. He explained that because he had a Jeep I should take it along when we go out. Shortly after the relationship ended, the blanket ended as well when my niece spilled her Dora the Explorer juice box all over it.

Mas…The Pocho Ocho worst Valentine’s Day gifts evah?

Grad student realizes lesbian tendencies don’t make her Frida Kahlo

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(PNS reporting from EAST LOS ANGELES)  María de Luz Guzmán Villa had a disturbing realization this week: being a lesbian in grad school does not make her more like the Mexican icon Frida Kahlo.

Like many others, Guzmán Villa first experimented with trying to be like Frida, especially her lesbian tendencies, after her first Intro to Chicano Studies course at Cal State L.A.

But instead of giving up her fascination upon graduation, she gave up her boyfriend César and applied to grad school.

Mas…Grad student realizes lesbian tendencies don’t make her Frida Kahlo

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Delicious aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day salsa

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I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha.

Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day.

M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his daddy are divorce because his daddy like to stick his weenie ebrywhere.

M’ijo usually checks my espelling but oh gwell. Since I have a little gwhile, I give you the recipe for Aphrodisiac Salsa.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Delicious aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day salsa

Chicana activist joins EZLN movement

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(PNS reporting from NEW JACK CITY)  A local activist is excited about throwing her support behind a movement in Southern Mexico she recently read about on Facebook: the EZLN.

Pilar Morales (photo) said she saw a post on her friend Daisy’s Facebook wall about a new band called Rage Against the Machine which talked about the movement.

When the Spanish Harlem resident Googled it, she said she felt like she’d finally found a cause she could really support.

“I totally get this. They are just, like, fighting for their rights and the government is oppressing them!” Morales told PNS. “It’s just not fair.”

Mas…Chicana activist joins EZLN movement

Ring In the Oldies: ‘Happy New Year Baby,’ ‘Sabor A Mi’ (music videos)

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It’s 1965 and big hair and girl groups are all the rage.

In East L.A., sisters Rosella, Ersi and Mary Arvizu, who had been singing and playing music together all their lives, thought they had the right stuff to be the next Supremes — even before there were Supremes. They called themselves The Sisters.

Mas…Ring In the Oldies: ‘Happy New Year Baby,’ ‘Sabor A Mi’ (music videos)

Educated Bay Area Chicana wants to know ‘What about my needs?’

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(PNS reporting from SAN FRANCISCO) A Chicana with a Juris Doctor degree and a Master’s in Public Policy from the University of California at Berkeley recently reflected on her career as the director of a non-profit serving underprivileged youth in the Mission District. Why, she wondered, was she was working so hard to give back.

“Have I ever really lived? I always thought I wanted to give back to the community — it’s given me so much, everything actually — but I’ve never even been to the wine country!” said Paloma Ortiz, a native of the Mission.

Ortiz (photo, above, at her office) noted that although she studied Chicano/a studies and law, her real passion was French literature. Now that she’s in the prime of her life, the prospect of helping her community was increasingly less appealing.

Mas…Educated Bay Area Chicana wants to know ‘What about my needs?’

If every picture tells a story–does this one? Caption contest! *UPDATED

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*We have a winner! Scroll down for all the entries and the best caption.

Caption this image to win something cool from us and perhaps the esteem of pochos everywhere!

Contest begins now and ends at midnight PDT tonight. POCHO decisions final. Bribes accepted but no guarantees, OK? Deal? Deal. Write your caption below to enter. Captions posted on Facebook don’t count, even with bribes. You can’t win a prize if you don’t enter a real email address.

Image borrowed from The Chita’s Clitoris, a Tumblr well worth your adult eyeballs; the pre-cholafied painting is here.

Work in ‘The Office’? You need our Pocho Ocho Pro Tips for Latinos

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8. Don’t wear your sombrero to the office — unless it’s casual sombrero Friday.

7. If you are going to speak in Spanish at the office, talk shit about your non-Spanish speaking co-workers.

6. Respond with “Yes, I am an immigrant” when your co-workers ask you where you are from. You don’t want to be rude and tell them you were actually born in Chicago, now do you?

Mas…Work in ‘The Office’? You need our Pocho Ocho Pro Tips for Latinos

Confessions of a Yuppie Chicana: I talk with my hands and I love flan

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I recently read the hilariously snarky book, Confessions of a Scary Mommy by Jill Smokler, and all those confessions from real moms has inspired me to do the same.

I confess:

  • I only get “Latina” when I’m drunk or angry and it’s not pretty.
  • My drink of choice is tequila, not the Skinny Girl stuff but real Patron Silver.
  • Sometimes I Google anger management groups in my area but then I get so pissed off with our slow Internet connection that I forget all about my anger.
  • When I catch a cold I literally sweat it out by dancing to Ricky Martin in my living room.
  • I don’t know if I want any more kids. I can’t afford to go up another bra size.

    Mas…Confessions of a Yuppie Chicana: I talk with my hands and I love flan

Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do on Father’s Day

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Father and Son Chile-Eating Contest: Quién es más macho? The East Pocho Optimists Club once again sets up shop at Fernando Valenzuela Field for their annual chile-eating contest, which pits father-son teams against each other to see who can ascend the Picante Podium of Pain. The winning team wins even more chile! Sunday, noon.

Bronche: Angry Bull cocktails (Red Bull, tequila, orange juice) are just $3 and Dads get all the Mexican Meatloaf Sliders they want for free on Father’s Day at TGI Viernes in the Rancho Pocho Mall. Sunday 10 AM – 2 PM. Mention my name, Chale Knickerbocker, for a blank stare.

Mas…Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do on Father’s Day

Blonde Mexican dissident seeks asylum in Chinese restaurant

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Rubio "doesn't look Mexican" neighbors say
(PNS reporting from GUADALAJARA) Blonde Mexican dissident Pablo Rubio holed up in a Chinese restaurant here after eluding taunting neighbors who say he can’t be Mexican since he is fair-haired and light-skinned.

Rubio was spirited away from his home in a car trunk at noon yesterday by friends who convinced suspicious local gang members the getaway vehicle was sagging the trunk was filled with drogas, one source told PNS.

“Pablo went to the Che Xuan Panda restaurant because to them he looks Mexican,” she said. “We all look Mexican to them. Also the 75 pesos lunch special with soup and egg roll rocks.”

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo, Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

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Letter to the Editor: The Ghetto Manifesto by Lady D (NSFW audio)

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It came in exactly this way via our handy SUBMIT form. (On the go? There’s a NSFW two-minute audio podcast version we created at the bottom of this article):

This is to every person who wants to get out and break free to be human and not be a fucking stereotype. I call it the Ghetto Manifesto. I was bred from a culture that lives in fear to succeed. We were once the Gods of the Temples- the living legends standing proud on the steps of Tenochtitlan- Now we are on our knees glorifying the filth around us. Our streets are filled with soldiers of ignorance and rage- fighting brother against brother- for what? A piece of land that we don't even own? For the love we did not receive at home? We call out names- spill our hateful rhetoric, beat each other to be let in to an exclusive group of clowns with silly names. Taking family trips in to unknown territories using hurtful toys to shed innocent blood. The family. What a fucking joke.

Mas…Letter to the Editor: The Ghetto Manifesto by Lady D (NSFW audio)

Punk pioneer Alice ‘Bag’ Velasquez tells all in ‘Violence Girl’ (videos)

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Alice now
Alice then

Alicia Velasquez AKA “Alice Bag” — music scene pioneer in first-wave L.A. punk band The Bags — went on the road this winter to promote her autobiography Violence Girl. After a record store appearance, she answered a few questions for Punk Globe magazine.

Here’s the interview and the “trailer” for her book. Yes, books have trailers. And check out The Bags performance video and the vintage gurl-punk Cholitas footage — all below.

Mas…Punk pioneer Alice ‘Bag’ Velasquez tells all in ‘Violence Girl’ (videos)

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day salsa

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I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha. Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day.

M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his daddy are divorce because his daddy like to stick his weene ebrywhere.

M’ijo usually checks my espelling but oh gwell. Since I have a little gwhile, I give you the recipe for Aphrodisiac Salsa.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day salsa

Am I a racist because I want to date Latino guys?

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During my seemingly eternal quest for love, I’ve been accused  more than once of being “racist” for mostly dating Latinos.

Part of this is totally my fault and the result of my whining and chiflazón. There’s  a misunderstanding about what motivates me and other people like me, who are interested primarily in dating other Latinos.

First and foremost, let me say that I have dated mostly pochos like me, but I’ve also dated Cubans, white men, and Asian men, finally coming to the conclusion that all men on this planet are idiots when they are in their 20s. Some of my complaints, which other Latinas share,  include:  They want to get married too soon, or they’re divorced with kids young, they’re too short, as you become more educated there are less Latinos around you, they’re scared of educated/professional women. The list goes on.

Mas…Am I a racist because I want to date Latino guys?

Home from my Mexican holiday, I feel like ‘a bad Mexican’

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Not my abuelita

I spent my two-week New Year’s vacation with family in Mexico. When I got back to L.A. I felt like I had crossed a finish line and, thankfully, made it back safe and sound.

My trip was not really over, though. Everyone at work and in my life was curious. “How was it?” people asked, waiting for me to tell them about my “homeland.”

Which version did they want, the sugar-coated one or the uncensored version? Normally, I would say “It was good. I got to spend quality time with my family and relatives and ate a lot of delicious cheap food!” But that hardly touches the surface.

I know that I am supposed to feel a deep connection, a feeling of being with my people, a sense of being “at home.” But when I am there, I count the days until I come back to the States. I feel like a bad Mexican.

Mas…Home from my Mexican holiday, I feel like ‘a bad Mexican’

The Week in Ñews: Iowa analysis, death by chihuahua, looking ‘Mexican’

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By Julio Salgado

Hatred of the poor edged out racism and homophobia in the Iowa GOP caucuses, a Fresno man was mauled by chihuahuas and died of shame, and the attempt to repeal the California Dream Act failed when the referendum’s backer (photo, right) couldn’t score enough racist jerkwad signatures to get their scheme placed on the ballot.

For these Pochostan stories and more, click here:

Mas…The Week in Ñews: Iowa analysis, death by chihuahua, looking ‘Mexican’

CA Dream Act repeal fails to gather enough hateful signatures

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Racist asshole signature failure

(SACRAMENTO) Republican Assemblyman Tim Donnelly announced today that his effort to repeal the California Dream Act, which allows undocumented students to apply for in-state tuition and scholarships in the state’s universities, has failed to collect enough signatures from racist assholes to get on the ballot.

Mas…CA Dream Act repeal fails to gather enough hateful signatures