cinco de mayo

Here’s what I thinko about Cinco in one ranty, illustrated post

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chipssalsa
White folks in sombreros and serapes. Spanglish beer commercials every few minutes. Yup, pretty ridiculous, señor.

I agree with most of my friend Gustavo Arellano:

He says it’s ridiculous, only serves some limited purposes as far as educating about the evils of Imperialism, or the promotion of self-determination, y todo eso. Battle of Puebla my ear. Sure. OK, guey.

However, I think Gustavo misses one big fat burrito-sized point:

☞ We’ve got to celebrate with the holidays we have,
not the holidays we want ☜

Mas…Here’s what I thinko about Cinco in one ranty, illustrated post

Me? Today I’m drinking a cerveza and contemplating Cinco de Mayo

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I approach el Cinco de Mayo with excitement and ambivalence.

I learned the history of the Battle of Puebla as the son of proud Mexicans, who happened to be immigrants. The story goes: On the fifth of May 1862, a small Mexican army kicks French butt. Bueno.

My dad and grandmother worked at the Cinco de Mayo restaurant on Pacific Coast Highway in a small L.A. harbor town. My association with the day is food, drink, familia, history, cultura.

Mas…Me? Today I’m drinking a cerveza and contemplating Cinco de Mayo

In Puebla, MX, narco cartel killers crush French gangsters

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pueblacartel640(PNS reporting from PUEBLA, MX) Federales have finished cleaning up the streets of this southeastern city after a three-day battle between area gangsters and a French gang left 83 locals and 462 gabachos dead, PNS has learned.

The  Marseilles gang (“La Eme”) — sent to collect a drug debt allegedly owed by the Puebla-based Ignacio Zaragosa clika (the “Zetas”) — was overwhelmed by the fierce Mexican gangbangers.

Faulty HUMINT (human intelligence) was also a factor.

Based on bogus tips from informants who called themselves “los mentirosos,” which La Eme interpreted as “mentors,” the frogs engaged the enemy at noon. La Eme expected the Zeta sentries to be taking siestas with their sombreros pulled so low they couldn’t see the advancing gunmen. And the close-by burros? The French plan relied on the overhwhelming odor of naturally estanky donkeys to mask the telltale scent of French breath-de-fromage.

But the Zetas were not asleep and those weren’t your mother’s burritos.

Mas…In Puebla, MX, narco cartel killers crush French gangsters

@SaraChicaD gets her Cinco de Mayo ¡Grito! on (videos)

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gritoscreencapIt’s time again for Cinco de Mayo, the holiday whose popularity no one really understands, except for the beer companies.

But now you can celebrate by getting your Grito on with the ¡Grito! app. Get it here.

What is the ¡Grito! app? It’s an app a native Texan and lover of her Mexican heritage Kathryn Gonzales made in order to celebrate — not mock — the culture of Gritos.

The app lets you play gritos at appropriate times, teaches about the history of gritos, and even lets you create your own. Here’s one I made for everyday usage:

Mas…@SaraChicaD gets her Cinco de Mayo ¡Grito! on (videos)

Tia Lencha’s Cocina makes Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

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tiacincoHola! Is Tia Lencha here.

I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo on Thursday. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina makes Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

Win free tickets to Thursday’s rockin’ DTLA Cincléctico show

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cinclecticWhen Cinco de Mayo gets eclectic it’s CINCLÉCTICO!

Two of our fave “eclectic” local bandas are on Thursday’s CINCLÉCTICO bill at the Regent Theater downtown — rocksteady/ska superstars The Delirians and retro-soundtrack rockers Cutty Flam — and a good time is guaranteed for all.

What’s more, we’re giving out two sets of freebie tix to randomly selected entrants who can CORRECTLY answer this question before midnight Wednesday PDT:

Mas…Win free tickets to Thursday’s rockin’ DTLA Cincléctico show

Breaking Ñews: Did French troops use poison gas in Puebla?

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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) French invaders fighting indigenous militias in the state of Puebla are using poison gas, according to situation reports circulating here in the capital.

If the reports can be substantiated, it marks a dangerous escalation in the hostilities, and would mean Napoleon III’s troops have “crossed a red line” set by the Lincoln Administration in Washington.

“Oh simon, it was gas,” said one eyewitness rushed from the front by the cavalry. “French General Pepe Le Pew knows he is losing the la guerra and he is desperate. We think it is the deadly gas de brie, which these queseros love.”

Mas…Breaking Ñews: Did French troops use poison gas in Puebla?

Pocho Ocho Important Facts for Mexicans about El Ocho de Mayo

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ochodemayoOur Mexican friends have many misconceptions about today’s American celebration of El Ocho de Mayo. It is NOT the day the British burned the White House, for example, and it is NOT the day Gerry Rivers became Geraldo Rivera.

Help a hermano out with the Pocho Ocho Top Facts Mexicans Should Know about El Ocho de Mayo:

8. Best (Hellman’s in the East) Mayonnaise — El Jefe de Mayo — first introduced on this day in 1915.

7. Mayo West did not invent the life vest but she did flash her chichis to the sailors of the aircraft carrier USS Hooter on this day in 1942.

6. The Mayo Clinic — originally established to seek cures for La Cruda — opened its doors on this day in 1955.

Mas…Pocho Ocho Important Facts for Mexicans about El Ocho de Mayo

Orale! It’s the Yeb Bush Cinco de Drinko Game (video)

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yebbushMany politically conscious Chicanos are looking for yet another alternative way to Celebrate Cinco de Drinko but still protest the ahistorical consumer appropriation of a battle that is meaningless to most Mexicans.

Well, Jeb Bush (aka el Yeb according to his Mexican compadres) has provided us with a warm video message of solidarity this Fifth of May to honor the “honorable” way that the Mexicans fought against foreign invaders in the Battle of Puebla. Did I mention that the message is all in Spanish?

Mas…Orale! It’s the Yeb Bush Cinco de Drinko Game (video)

Taco Tuesday + Cinco de Mayo = Drunk Tacos + Fresh Guac!

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drunktacosHow many times does Cinco de Mayo also fall on Taco Tuesday? Our guess is 14% of the time or 1/7th but math is hard, amiright?

But the odds are with us today (the Fourth Was With Us yesterday, and with you) so let’s get loqui with two of our favorite thematically-appropriate videos — Tacos by My Drunk Kitchen and Fresh Guacamole. Are you ready? Remember, kids don’t try these at home!

Mas…Taco Tuesday + Cinco de Mayo = Drunk Tacos + Fresh Guac!

Area man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is all about, yo!

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shirtmodel(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Ruben Covarrubias astounded family and friends here Sunday night when he admitted that the history of Cinco de Mayo didn’t concern him and he’d always thought “May 5 was Mexican Independence Day, so like so what?!”

“I don’t care what it’s about, yo!” he told everyone within earshot of the backyard grill. “I just always celebrated it with MEChA and at school. Partay!”

Friends and family at the Covarrubias’ weekly carne asada were aghast. Some reconsidered whether they’d be driving back to El Sereno next week, multiple witness reported.

Mas…Area man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is all about, yo!

Me? I’m drinking a cerveza and contemplating Cinco de Mayo

by

I approach el Cinco de Mayo with excitement and ambivalence.

I learned the history of the Battle of Puebla as the son of proud Mexicans, who happened to be immigrants. The story goes: On the fifth of May 1862, a small Mexican army kicks French butt. Bueno.

My dad and grandmother worked at the Cinco de Mayo restaurant on Pacific Coast Highway in a small L.A. harbor town. My association with the day is food, drink, familia, history, cultura.

Mas…Me? I’m drinking a cerveza and contemplating Cinco de Mayo

Puebla, MX narco cartel killers crush French gang invaders

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Federales clean up bodies after cartel Battle of Puebla

(PNS reporting from PUEBLA, MX) Federales have finished cleaning up the streets of this southeastern city after a three-day battle between area gangsters and a French gang left 83 locals and 462 gabachos dead, PNS has learned.

The  Marseilles gang (“La Eme”) — sent to collect a drug debt allegedly owed by the Puebla-based Ignacio Zaragosa clika (the “Zetas”) — was overwhelmed by the fierce Mexican gangbangers.

Faulty HUMINT (human intelligence) was also a factor.

Based on bogus tips from informants who called themselves “los mentirosos,” which La Eme interpreted as “mentors,” the frogs engaged the enemy at noon. La Eme expected the Zeta sentries to be taking siestas with their sombreros pulled so low they couldn’t see the advancing gunmen. And the close-by burros? The French plan relied on the overhwhelming odor of naturally estanky donkeys to mask the telltale scent of French breath-de-fromage.

But the Zetas were not asleep and those weren’t your mother’s burritos.

Mas…Puebla, MX narco cartel killers crush French gang invaders

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

by

tiacincoHola! Is Tia Lencha here.

I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo — next week. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

POCHO Asks America: How did you celebrate Cinco de Mayo?

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POCHO sent reporters to bars and parties, barbecues and parades all across the United Estates to find out how Americans were celebrating Cinco de Mayo. Here’s what they said:

PochOpinion: Here’s what I thinko about Cinco

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chipssalsaWhite folks in sombreros and serapes. Spanglish beer commercials every few minutes. Yup, pretty ridiculous, señor.

I agree with most of my friend Gustavo Arellano’s Cinco de Mayo video rant, mas o menos.

He says it’s ridiculous, only serves some limited purposes as far as educating about the evils of Imperialism, or the promotion of self-determination, y todo eso. Battle of Puebla my ear. Sure. OK, guey.

However, I think Gustavo misses one big fat Manuel’s El Tepeyac Hollenbeck Burrito-sized point:

☞ We’ve got to celebrate with the holidays we have,
not the holidays we want ☜

Mas…PochOpinion: Here’s what I thinko about Cinco