Attention, Zacatecas: Pocho Ocho top ways to calibrate your gaydar

gaymayorBenjamin Medrano, 47, won Fresnillo’s July 7 election and will take office this September. His election — he is said to be the first openly-gay mayor in Mexico’s history — has led some observers to speculate that famously-macho Mexicans didn’t really know Medrano was gay, or didn’t believe him when he told them.

Hey, Zacatecas! Try these Pocho Ocho ways to calibrate your gaydar:

8. P.A.N. — not gay. P.R.I. — gay.

7. Maria del Barrio — not gay. Maria del Zona Rosa — gay.

6. Blue Demon — not gay. Santo Gay — gay.

Mas…Attention, Zacatecas: Pocho Ocho top ways to calibrate your gaydar

I’m not that all that into marriage, but I support marriage equality

I was at a party the other night when a group of women asked me how long I’ve been with my boyfriend. Oh boy.

I told them six years and braced myself for the onslaught of “WHY AREN’T YOU MARRIED! HE NEEDS TO GIVE YOU A RING! BLABLABLABLA” and so on and so forth.

As a woman who consciously chooses not to get married, I’m constantly dealing with this sort of thing. People just don’t understand why.

Is my boyfriend a commitment-phobe? Are we swingers? Are we not serious? Never are we thought of as a happy stable couple content to just enjoy each other’s company.

No, something must be wrong with us.

Mas…I’m not that all that into marriage, but I support marriage equality

Breaking Ñews: Former Microsoft employee Clippy comes out

THIS JUST IN: (PNS reporting from REDMOND, WA) Former Microsoft Office Assistant Clippy, fired after a controversial career just trying to help some people out for crissake, will come out as gay in a forthcoming tell-all autobiography, PNS has learned.

The book, tentatively titled Don’t Ask Me Again, details Clippy’s crush on icon rival Happy Mac (photo), tempestuous meetings with erstwhile colleague Microsoft Bob, and all-night drug-fueled parties with the Tux, the Linux Penguin.

Mas…Breaking Ñews: Former Microsoft employee Clippy comes out

Grad student realizes lesbian tendencies don’t make her Frida Kahlo

(PNS reporting from EAST LOS ANGELES)  María de Luz Guzmán Villa had a disturbing realization this week: being a lesbian in grad school does not make her more like the Mexican icon Frida Kahlo.

Like many others, Guzmán Villa first experimented with trying to be like Frida, especially her lesbian tendencies, after her first Intro to Chicano Studies course at Cal State L.A.

But instead of giving up her fascination upon graduation, she gave up her boyfriend César and applied to grad school.

Mas…Grad student realizes lesbian tendencies don’t make her Frida Kahlo

Tampa’s gay hookers ready for Republican Convention (NSFW video)


There’s going to be hot time in Tampa Bay next week when the GOP National Convention rolls into town. Republicans, who like to be seen as “job creators,” are expected to stimulate a long and thick boost in business for area gay prostitutes, and the hookers are looking forward to handling the hanging chads of closeted delegates. (Totally NSFW language.)

Col. Sanders on Chick-Fil-A: Gay? What’s the big clucking deal?

(PNS reporting from DIXIE) Legendary chicken mogul Col. Harlan Sanders is a hawk in the chicken culture wars and he’s not afraid to let the whole clucking chicken world know it.

The white-haired international icon and Kentucky Fried Chicken fast food magnate today issued this statement:

I completely respect the Chick-Fil-A chicken restaurant business built by CEO Dan Cathy, and the Christian principles you espouse are fine as wine, but come on, give it a Goddamn rest. Are you selling chicken or your dumb-ass views? This guy is as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.

I personally don’t give a good Goddamn what the homos do in the privacy of their nicely-decorated bedrooms. Hell, they can do it in the bathroom of the KFC, I don’t give a June Bug’s nut sack! I just want their money. Do I hate gay marriage? Who gives a duck’s ass?! Buy some of my chicken. Come in with your flamin’ gay self and order a bucket of Original, Crispy, or BBQ. Hell, I might even come up with a new flavor, “Extra Gay”!

Mas…Col. Sanders on Chick-Fil-A: Gay? What’s the big clucking deal?

Pocho Ocho ways birthday girl Frida Kahlo has influenced our lives

Those eyebrows, that hair, those monkeys. Happy birthday Frida Kahlo! We celebrate your awesome influence on our pocho lives by listing the top eight ways you’ve influenced us.

8. Made us think we, too, could be an artist. After all, she painted her own reality, right?

7. Inspired us to stop plucking your eyebrows. Or maybe you just didn’t feel like a chola anymore.

6. Helped us fall in love. If Frida could love a crazy fat man like Diego Rivera, surely the love of your life — and his panza — are worth the ride, too!

Mas…Pocho Ocho ways birthday girl Frida Kahlo has influenced our lives

Mexclusive: ‘Google Doodle’ honors Frida Kahlo’s 105th birthday!

(PNS reporting from SILICON VALLEY) In honor of Mexican artist Frida Kahlo’s 105th birthday Friday, Google is featuring a special Google Doodle commemorating her contributions to international art.

Born on July 6, 1907, Kahlo was a surrealist painter and smoker who is best known for her brilliant self-portraits, her tragic life and her stormy relationships with such global figures as Diego Rivera, Leon Trotsky and Josephine Baker.

Kahlo was known to be uncompromising in her art, her politics and her famous monobrow, which launched a feminist revival and Fridamania craze in the 1990s and also extended the co-ed bisexual experimentation stage from one to two semesters.

Mas…Mexclusive: ‘Google Doodle’ honors Frida Kahlo’s 105th birthday!

Dear Abuelita: Gay for a day, my 34C boobs, a career in modeling

Dear Abuelita,
I wear a 34C bra. My boyfriend is always scoping out girls with bigger boobs. Should I get implants?
Titi Caca

Dear Titi Caca,
Here’s what you need to do: Tell your boyfriend to look in the mirror the next time he wants to see a big boob then dump the pendejo. As for you, make yourself an appointment for a self-esteem implant ASAP. That’s all I have to say. I don’t have time to figure out the root of your insecurities. There are more important things to focus on than your pea-sized mosquito bites.

Do you have any idea how much trouble big chi-chis are? Let me tell you, they can be a real pain in the ass! I mean it, I once flung mine over my shoulders so hard the damned things left bruises on my nalgas.
Love, Your Abuelita

Mas…Dear Abuelita: Gay for a day, my 34C boobs, a career in modeling

Rick Santorum’s Pocho Ocho political proposals

Although many are shocked by presidential pretender Rick Santorum’s proposal to consider statehood for Puerto Rico if it drops Spanish and espeaks English, it turns out this idea is only the newest of his Brainfarts Brainstorms for America.

Here are the Pocho Ocho:

8. Mexico’s Los Tigres del Norte will be offered citizenship if they lose their stripes

7.  Jews get to go to Catholic Heaven if they stop being, you know, Jews

6. African-Americans get access to high-paying Wall Street jobs when they straighten out that hair thing

Mas…Rick Santorum’s Pocho Ocho political proposals

Video: The ‘Sheriff Babeu for @MexicanMitt’ TV spot

(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) It’s the commercial the Mexican Mitt Romney campaign didn’t want you to see — an explosive TV endorsement by anti-immigrant Sheriff Paul Babeu calling for the erection of a GAYDAR border fence.

The six-figure TV buy on local stations was cancelled over the weekend after Babeu faced hard questions about how exactly he meant to “get to the bottom” of the Mexican immigrant situation.

Mas…Video: The ‘Sheriff Babeu for @MexicanMitt’ TV spot

Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’

Anti-Immigrant Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu has resigned as Mitt Romney’s Arizona GOP Primary Campaign Co-Chair.  Sheriff Babeu is facing explosive allegations that he tried to intimidate a former Mexican immigrant lover with deportation threats. Especial Guest Columnist Mexican Mitt Romney offers his Opinión:

Sheriff Babeu has stepped down from his volunteer position with the campaign so he can spend more time fighting with his gay mojado boyfriend.

I am so sad that Sheriff Babeu had to geu.

But he has a bigger fight on his hands than getting me elected President of the United Estates. Babeu is going to focus more on wrestling the problem of illegal immigration to the ground.

Sheriff Babeu is right when he says America’s head is buried in a pillow over immigration. Sheriff Babeu has always said he wants to get ahead of the mojados, and inside the illegals. Inside their minds! Ajua!

Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’

Clean sweep: Santorum not pooped out yet

(PNS reporting from THE HEARTLAND) Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum swept the nominating contests in Missouri, Minnesota and Colorado Tuesday night, claiming, “My campaign is far from pooped out.”

The fiercest gay-baiting candidate in recent history, Santorum now has four victories under his belt in the GOP race, more than any other closeted candidate. “People were saying all along I had Big Mo, but they meant I was a big ‘mo.”

Mas…Clean sweep: Santorum not pooped out yet

Home from my Mexican holiday, I feel like ‘a bad Mexican’

Not my abuelita

I spent my two-week New Year’s vacation with family in Mexico. When I got back to L.A. I felt like I had crossed a finish line and, thankfully, made it back safe and sound.

My trip was not really over, though. Everyone at work and in my life was curious. “How was it?” people asked, waiting for me to tell them about my “homeland.”

Which version did they want, the sugar-coated one or the uncensored version? Normally, I would say “It was good. I got to spend quality time with my family and relatives and ate a lot of delicious cheap food!” But that hardly touches the surface.

I know that I am supposed to feel a deep connection, a feeling of being with my people, a sense of being “at home.” But when I am there, I count the days until I come back to the States. I feel like a bad Mexican.

Mas…Home from my Mexican holiday, I feel like ‘a bad Mexican’

Year after shooting, modest Giffords aide still says he is not a hero


Daniel Hernandez Jr., the Congressional intern who saved Rep. Gabby Gifford’s life on Jan. 8 last year, still declines to call himself a hero.

A mentally-ill man fired on Giffords and her constituents, killing six people and and wounding 13, including the popular liberal Democratic representative.

Only on the job five days, Hernandez, a student intern who had accompanied the congressmember to the Tucson shopping center for a voter registration event, rushed to her side when he heard gunshots and held her bleeding head and comforted her until paramedics took over her care.

In a TV interview, Hernandez still declines the “hero” label. Presidential candidate wannabe AK Half-Governor Sarah Palin was also singled out for scrutiny at the time because of an ad on her website that put gunsite cross hairs on Gifford’s congressional district.

Hernandez was just elected to the Tucson school board.

Palin has never been elected to anything since.

‘Mom, Dad – I was born this guey’


It took Mark a long time to screw up the courage to talk about it with his parents, but finally, thank God, finally, he was ready.

He sat them down on the couch and pulled up a chair. “Mom, Dad,” he said, “I have something to tell you.”