governor

picoheadshotPio Pico, an African-Mexican, was the last governor of California under Mexican rule.

His name is everywhere. There is the city of Pico Rivera, Pico Park, Pico Canyon, and, of course, Pico Boulevard. The corner of Pico and Sepulveda in West Los Angeles even has its own music video: [Mas…]

superbrewerFormer Arizona Governor Jan Brewja is predicting Donald Trump will win in the Hate State elections because Latinos won’t vote.

“Nah,” Brewer said in an interview with the Boston Globe. “They don’t get out and vote. They don’t vote.”

What else does she foresee? Here are her Pocho Ocho Mas Loco Predictions:

8. Pigs will fly.

7. When nasty women stop provoking the average guy with slutty clothes, rapes will stop.

6. If regulators approve the AT&T-Time Warner merger, the cable guy will actually arrive between 10am and 2pm. [Mas…]

cucajindal

rickperryhorseWhen news broke Friday that GOP presidential nominee wannabe Texas Governor Rick Perry (photo) was indicted on two counts of abuse of power, we were pissed off because we were in the middle of a conference call and didn’t that grand jury know our meeting schedule and publishing deadlines?

We realized later, however, that we had a treasure trove of Perry-ana that could be given fresh life on the Interwebs with a cool big-ass image of Perry, a clever headline and lots of SEO-friendly keywords.

POCHO proudly presents PREVIOUSLY ON INDICTED TEXAS GOVERNOR RICK PERRY THEATRE: [Mas…]

deporttion640(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Texas Governor Rick Perry was “outraged” after seeing leaked photos of crowded child detainees at the U.S. Border Patrol Detention center in Brownsville, PNS has learned.

“The kind of sloppy detention seen in those photos is a clear waste of space as well as taxpayer dollars,” Perry said in an email sent to aides Monday night.

Perry thinks the centers could squeeze in more detainees using the “tight pack” system long advocated by GOP lobbyist John E. Rebb. [Mas…]

bigchristie

Maria Conchita Alonso likes a Tea Party guy with cojones (video)

by Verdana Bold January 17, 2014 El Now
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Tea Partier Tim Donnelly wants to be the next governator of Califas, and that means he needs Latino votes. And who could be better to help with Mexican-Americans in Cali than Cuban-American actress Maria Conchita Alonso? Never mind about his hardline position on immigration. PREVIOUSLY ON STRANGE BEDFELLOWS:

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Rick Perry is sad new hipster glasses don’t help him make friends

by María Purísima November 14, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Gov. Rick Perry is disappointed his new hipster glasses haven’t helped him in the polls. “Why don’t people like me? I’m more than just the guy who came after Bush, I’m cool, see?” he told reporters at a press conference at the Capitol Wednesday as he pointed to his stylin’ horn […]

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Califas will issue driver’s licenses to the undocumented

by Lalo Alcaraz September 13, 2013 El Now
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Fox Latino, which puts “undocumented” in their headline but “illegal” in their story, reports: California, home to the nation’s largest immigrant population, would become the 11th state to grant immigrants who are in the country illegally [sic] the right to a driver’s license under a bill that passed the Legislature late Thursday and that Gov. […]

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Pocho Ocho new items on TX Gov. Rick Perry’s to-do list

by Especial Correspondents July 10, 2013 El Now
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Rick Perry announced Monday he won’t be running for reelection as Texas’ governor. So what’s up next for this GOP favorite? Here are the Pocho Ocho things on Rick Perry’s to-do list: 8. Concentrate his hatred on a wider range of disenfranchised groups 7. Sign with the Lakers 6. Spend more time with the Westboro […]

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Breaking: Rick Perry moving West: ‘Let’s turn Cali red!’

by María Purísima July 9, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Rick Perry told a crowd of press and supporters here Monday that he will not seek another term as Texas governor when his term expires in 18 months. Instead, the longest-serving governor in Texas’ history said he was going to do the unthinkable: move to California to turn the state back into […]

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How Gov. Schwarzenegger terminated Mexican alien problems (video)

by Comic Saenz April 26, 2013 Cultura
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Following a successful career battling aliens on screen, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected and reelected as Governator of Califas This video looks back at how he handled aliens on the Golden Estate’s border with Mexico in 2007.

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Year in Review: The lonely, fading star of Texas Gov. Rick Perry

by APRES MOI December 20, 2012 El Now
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The stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas. Except, of course, when Gov. Rick Perry (photo, right) is involved. The one-time GOP nominee wannabe Perry is so underwhelming that when he walks into a room, it seems as if someone just left. Rick Perry is so stupid he peels […]

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Schwarzeneggar ‘Total Retard’ bio takes hard look and bares all

by Malcolm Mex December 10, 2012 Cultura
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Former California Gübernator and bodybuilding icon Arnold Schwarzeneggar’s new autobiography Total Retard paints a scandalous picture of a life dominated by men, sweat, steroids, cigars and the desperate need to womanize and destroy the California economy. Reading like a review of an action film in which the main character blows up everything in his path, the […]

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Lost Governor! Please print and share!

by Lalo Alcaraz December 4, 2012 Cartoons
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Governor Janet Brewer of Arizona has gone missing. Please help by printing out and sharing this poster. RELATED: Where the *(&^%$# is Jan Brewer?

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Where in the &*[email protected]# is Jan Brewer? The Pocho Ocho places…

by Especial Correspondents December 4, 2012 El Now
Thumbnail image for Where in the &*+@# is Jan Brewer? The Pocho Ocho places…

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is MISSING. Before you uncork the champagne, and before she comes back from her one-week vanishing, here’s the Pocho Ocho places Jan Brewer COULD BE: 8. At the Rawlings factory getting her skin re-laced 7. In Georgia filming the lead zombie role in “Walking Dead” 6. At a private correctional prison junket […]

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Anti-terror WIN! Wrinkled AZ governor detained by U.S. Border Patrol

by Lalo Alcaraz July 5, 2012 El Now
Thumbnail image for Anti-terror WIN! Wrinkled AZ governor detained by U.S. Border Patrol

Quick-thinking U.S. Border Patrol agents, inspired by the skull-melting Arizona heat, have captured an elderly terrorist who was hell-bent on turning the vast wasteland known as Arizona into a vast radioactive wasteland. Or was it the nation’s oldest living ex-governor, Raul Castro (photo,right), 96, who was detained at a border patrol checkpoint in the brutal Arizona […]

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Fired undocumented gardener sorry he ‘peed on Romney’s petunias’

by JERRY RIVERS May 11, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from BEVERLY HILLS) Inspired by Mitt Romney’s apology for assaulting a long-haired commie prep school classmate, one of the undocumented gardeners Romney hired and then fired in 1996 has issued his own apology. Berto Lopez, now working as a freelance arborist in Beverly Hills, regrets he once peed on the then-governor’s prized petunias. “I […]

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