mexicanmitt

hashtagheatmapSome Twitter users are just unclear on the concept, especially when it comes to the appropriate use of the #JeSuisCharlie hashtag, the most popular ever (“heat map,” above). The viral slogan — coined after the massacre at Paris satire magazine Charlie Hebdo — affirms support of free expression.

French-deficient? “Je suis Charlie” means “I am Charlie.”

The Pochodores combed the Internets for these Pocho Ocho top Twitter #JeSuisCharlie hashtag fails:

8.
vadertweet [Mas…]

Hola Gueyes! This is my Live Tweet/State of the Union response chingadera. Will someone please get me a water, that bottle I’m looking at is right out of reach. CHINGAO!

MEXIPHONE CHECK, JUAN TU, JUAN TU

HIJOLE EL TWITTER IS ESLOW, IT’S MORE CLOGGED THAN THE TOILET AT EL TORITO

HEY OBAMA, STOP TOUCHING THE CROWD, YOU ARE NOT LL COOL J

THE ESTATE OF THE UNION ESTA CHINGADA

IT IS OUR YENERATION’S TASK TO IGNITE DORNER’S CABIN

FREE ENTERPRISE ISN’T FOR FREELOADERS [Mas…]

@MexicanMitt Romney phoned public radio station KUNM in New Mexico Monday night for his first post-election interview. The Twitter Idol liberally assigned blame for his defeat by Bronco Bama, reminisced about the fireworks he planned to set off had he juan and revealed he’s still on the lookout for his missing running mate Pollo Ryan. Here’s the interview from the program RAICES.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: @MexicanMitt Romney, the Twitter sensation, has graced us with the complete text of his concession speech upon losing to President Barack Obama. Enjoy this heart-wrenching espeech, gueyes.]

AJUA!

GREETINGS MY GUEYES!

I HAVE CALLED BLACK REAGAN AND CONCEDED THAT HE CHEATED BETTER THAN I DID. SHOUT OUT to his wife and her sister-wives.

I WANT TO THANK my running mate POLLO RYAN FOR NADA, NALGAS, EL ZILCHO.

We didn’t win his home estate of Wisconsin. He couldn’t even get us the Munsters vote, ESMALL AS THAT IS.

IF ANYONE knows where he has been for the last three weeks, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. [Mas…]


Enjoy the ELECTION EVE WORLD PREMIERE of Mexican Mitt Romney‘s first animated music video! Share it with your friends!

MY FINAL ESPEECH TO THE NATION BEFORE I RULE OVER IT

AJUA!

Viejas and Gentlemen, voters, suppressed voters, this is my final espeech to you before I win the election tomorrow for the Presidency of the United Estates. This is the most important Presidential election of your lifetime, if you were born this year.

I know, you are RELIEVED that this long national nightmare will be finally over. I, too, am sick of the ads, the constant campaigning, having to look at my running mate what’s-his-face, but especially I am sick of Bronco Bamma.

But enough about Black Reagan. Or the country. You all want to know how this affects ME, Mexican Mitt Romney. Campaigning is hard. It’s almost like a yob, which I have not held in a long time. Despite waking up in various strange hotels with Mormon wood every day, I still miss my 14 RANCHOS. (For the language-impaired, “rancho” is Spanish for “polygamous Mormon compound.”) [Mas…]

@MexicanMitt Romney: I’m prepped y ready for Debate Number Juan

by MEXICAN MITT ROMNEY October 3, 2012 El Now
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I AM TANNED, RESTED AND READY. AND MORE TANNED. AJUA! I have been preparing all night for my debate against BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA. Tonight there will be A LOT OF JUAN ON JUAN MASTERDEBATING. I will right ALL THE LEFT-LEANING POLLS with my victory! I will completely dominate, not LIKE A BOSS, but LIKE A […]

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Wild! @MexicanMitt Romney and frat bros in music video: ‘Dinero’

by EDUARDO BURRO September 28, 2012 El Now
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In his freshman year at Stanford, @MexicanMitt Romney and his Kappa Lota Gelta fraternity brothers made a music video under the name Joe King Carrasco and the Crowns. In retrospect, Dinero seems prophetic, showing the future Bean Capitalist’s magic carpet knack for amassing large amounts of other people’s cash. (The future Mrs. Ann Romney is […]

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@MexicanMitt: Corrected subtitles for my Univision appearance

by MEXICAN MITT ROMNEY September 20, 2012 El Now
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Those vendidos at Univision‘s Espanish subtitling department are lying Cubanos and they hate Mexicans like me. That is the ONLY EXPLANATION I have for the way they translated my remarks for my Espanish-speaking friends. Here is what I really said: So-called transcript: But the truth is as you know my dad was born of American […]

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@MexicanMitt Romney: It would be helpful to be ME

by MEXICAN MITT ROMNEY September 18, 2012 El Now
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I say that jokingly, but it would be helpful to be Latino. Sometimes I say the DARNDEST THINGS. As a Republican Presidential candidate with a good chance of unseating an incumbent Presidente, it is very important to watch what you say. But I keep on saying CREYSY CHET. It’s as if I’m not aware that […]

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Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium

by Comic Saenz September 9, 2012 El Now
Thumbnail image for Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium

Is brown the new black? That’s the question POCHO asked in a massively-popular photo essay that featured Japanese women who dress like cholas. They make ‘gang’ signs, they pose and they mad-dog the camera. Is this a good thing? Political coverage broke most of the ñews this week as just-released-from-Twitterham-jail @MexicanMitt Romney debuted a music video […]

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@MexicanMitt on the DNC: THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED!

by MEXICAN MITT ROMNEY September 7, 2012 El Now
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COMO CHINGA ESE OBAMA. If this Democratic convention was the FIESTA, then this yobs report is the CRUDA! There is no bowl of menudo big enough to cure the mess that Barack Obama has failed to clean up after the frat boy party thrown by George W. Bush. Whoops, never mind that I mentioned what’s-his-face. […]

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@MexicanMitt on Bill Clinton: Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech

by MEXICAN MITT ROMNEY September 6, 2012 El Now
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Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech. Ex-Presidente BILL CLINTON spoke to the Democratic National Convention last night before heading out to a night of debauchery and cheeseburgers in Charlotte. Sure, you might say he delivered a good defense of Barack Obama’s awful Presidency.  But he filled the whole long rant with PINCHE BORING FACTS […]

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@MexicanMitt Romney responds to Democratic Convention espeeches

by MEXICAN MITT ROMNEY September 5, 2012 El Now
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I was recovering from the Clint Eastwood Chair Incident, pretending to listen to some storm victims in who-knows-what-FOCKED-UP backwards-ass SOUTHERN STATE, and I was forced by my campaign adviser to watch the Democratic National Convention. TV COVERAGE OF THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION IS HILARIOUS, the camerapeoples have to constantly pan around to find THE ONE STRAIGHT […]

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New music from @MexicanMitt Romney: ‘The Juan Percent’ (video)

by SAM OLDIBUT GUDI September 4, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for New music from @MexicanMitt Romney: ‘The Juan Percent’ (video)

Popular and controversial Twitter character and POCHO contributor MexicanMitt Romney sings for himself in this post-Republican Convention lament, a new song to mark his release from Twitterham Jail. It’s called The Juan Percent. Co-starring Rafalca Romney and Pollo Ryan. WTF? Jail? Catch up on MexicanMitt’s Twitter arrest, incarceration and release here

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Ñewsweek: Did the GOP send @MexicanMitt to Twitterham Jail?

by Comic Saenz September 2, 2012 El Now
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Could it be? Was Presidential future loser Mitt Romney’s campaign so upset with POCHO contributor MexicanMitt Romney‘s Twitter feed that they made the social networking company lock @MexicanMitt in Twitterham Jail just before their candidate’s speech to the GOP convention Thursday? Although @MexicanMitt’s simultaneous Twitter espeech to the RNC was smuggled out of Twitterham Jail and […]

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Ñewsweek: Mexican Mitt, NAACP, Craig Romney, ’50 Shades of Brown’

by Andalé Mono July 15, 2012 El Now
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GOP wannabe Mexican Mitt Romney tried his very best to appeal to the Colored People at their National Association’s annual convention; we’ve got the transcript. And son Craig Romney tried his very best to appeal to Latinos in a Spanish-language ad for his dad. We translated the commercial for the Ingles-espeaking masses. The publishing world […]

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Transcript: Mexican Mitt Romney’s speech to the NAACP

by Lalo Alcaraz July 11, 2012 El Now
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Mexican Mitt Romney just spoke to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People convention in Houston, TX and we have the transcript: —BEGIN TRANSCRIPT— Thank you, NAACP for the invitation to espeak here, and Bishop Graves for your introduction. Thanks also to President Ben Jealous and your weird last name. Good mornings, black […]

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Mexican Mitt Romney: Latinos need Labambacare, pronto!

by MEXICAN MITT ROMNEY June 28, 2012 El Now
Thumbnail image for Mexican Mitt Romney: Latinos need Labambacare, pronto!

This is a terrible day for illness and disease. Obamacare being upheld by those activist judges at the Supremes Court is making me sicker than the time I tried McDonald’s experimental “Birria Burger.” Thank God it was Available for a Limited Time Only. The Republican Party is the only party looking out for disease! Diseases […]

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Mexican Mitt Romney: ¡I AM THE LAST JUAN STANDING!

by MEXICAN MITT ROMNEY May 30, 2012 El Now
Thumbnail image for Mexican Mitt Romney: ¡I AM THE LAST JUAN STANDING!

AJUA! You didn’t think I could do it. You doubted me. You said, “Oh no, Mexican Mitt, you cannot be the Republican nominee! They hate you so! They would never EVER let such a VIRILE, MACHO HOMBRE become the REPUBLICAN NOMINEE!” By virile and macho hombre, you must mean that a Mormon could never win […]

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Pocho Ocho best campaign songs for Mexican Mitt Romney

by Victor Payan March 8, 2012 El Now
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Since Mexican Mitt’s nomination is inevitable after his domination on Super Taco Tuesday, we graciously offer our list of the Pocho Ocho campaign songs that would rock his 2012 campaign – Mittchoacan style. 8. Lowrider 7. Stayin’ Alive 6. Volver Volver

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Mexclusive: Mexican Mitt Romney for President (music video)

by Estaff Reporters March 2, 2012 El Now
Thumbnail image for Mexclusive: Mexican Mitt Romney for President (music video)

[If you liked the video, you can now own the song. Get it on iTunes ahora! Mexican Mitt’s  “(I Wanna Be) The First Latino President” ] After sweeping both Arizona and Michigan –– he says it’s because the gringos won’t do it -– a certain South-of-the-Border candidate is clearing his way to “paint the White […]

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@MexicanMitt TV ad: ‘The Most Mexican Man In The World’

by Chale Knickerbocker February 9, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from an undisclosed Goat Ranch in Chihuahua) Mexican Mitt Romney’s headquarters here today released their first television commercial, a tribute to the “most Mexican man in the world.” This ad shows why @MexicanMitt is the leader of the Juan Percent. He doesn’t always make TV commercials, but when he does, they’re pinche funny. Stay […]

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Breaking Ñews: @MexicanMitt releases first campaign poster

by Bronco del Camino January 24, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from NEAR THE BORDER) Campaign aides at Gov. Mitt Romney’s headquarters at a palatial goat rancho here have just released the candidate’s first campaign poster. Romney released his first English-subtitled Spanish-language commercial last week. “The Most Mexican Man In The World,” @MexicanMitt is  pictured enjoying the glamorous lifestyle of a “Baindido” of the […]

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