I’m not a hard guy to get along with, as long as you adhere to the Pocho Ocho Most Important Terms and Conditions for Dealing With Me:

8. Don’t call me amigo; it’s the first sign we’re not friends

7. Friends don’t let friends… put lettuce in their burritos

6. Every time you microwave a tortilla, an angel loses its wings


Video creator Glen Hunt was just an ordinary guy, microwaving an ordinary burrito (don’t judge) and then THIS happened.

¡Hola, Hispanic moms! Serving your Hispanic family a dubiously-healthy breakfast is just a button-push away with Jimmy Dean® Brand croissant, egg, sausage and cheese breakfast sandwiches. Not only are they graded F for nutrition but you can heat them in the microwave to pretend you care! Each delicious serving packs a generous 60% of the daily recommended fat allowance and that means 45% of the cholesterol quota AND 60% of the saturated fat limit.

Wait, there’s more! Each sammich features a full half ounce of protein and over a third of your daily allowance for salt. Jimmy mexplains:

CHICAGO–(EON: Enhanced Online News)–The Jimmy Dean brand (www.jimmydean.com), America’s favorite traditional breakfast sausage brand* will release a new Spanish-language TV commercial this month to promote its popular line of breakfast sandwiches to Hispanic consumers. [Mas…]

Cuban ballet dancers who recently defected from their troupe in Mexico and now live in Miami are “amazed at how many foods come canned and can be easily heated up in a microwave,” according to the Associated Press.

Canned foods! But wait, there’s mas. Here are the Pocho Ocho other things about the U.S. that also surprised our new island immigrants:

8. Studebaker, DeSoto, Willys and Nash are out of the automobile business

7. America’s most famous Cuban? Mark Cuban

6. Fidel is a sofa bed mogul and Che sells t-shirts [Mas…]

Things were simpler then, when you didn’t have to worry about stuff like cholesterol and vegetables and carbs and gluten — the good old 1950s when a foil-wrapped TV Dinner meant a party for your mouth — a mouth party in vivid black and white! It was the Age of Tang for Pete’s sake! How many of you are old enough to remember this Mom-approved easy-to-prepare specialty, oven-ready Suck’em Downs?