mutation

PREVIOUSLY ON SCARY SCARIER SCARIEST TACO CART GUY: [Mas…]

(PNS reporting from NEW NEW YORK CITY) Attention, pochas y pochos! Interstellar starship captain and Mutants’ Rights advocate Turanga Leela is warning of serious side-effects from a popularly-priced hair care product you may be using at this very moment.

Leela thinks her late mother Munda’s use of Aqua Net hairspray is the reason she’s a loveless mutant with only one eye, and says the ingredient cyclopentasiloxane is the culprit.

“I mean the name STARTS with cyclop, how did people miss that?” she asked a press conference in New New York City Sunday (photo, above.)

Aqua Net hairspray is a must-carry purse item for every well-prepared pocha, according to a recent survey, and is used as a “bug spray, deodorant and a…substitute for glue.” [Mas…]