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obamabackWashington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises.

We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for:

8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans

7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a drone. Everybody gets a drone!”

6. Obama cruises to the Capitol in a clean 1953 Packard limousine, a gift from the people of Cuba [Mas…]

obamabackWhite House insiders indicate the President’s State of the Union address tonight will have a few surprises for the Congressional and TV audiences.

Here are the top eight:

8. The NSA will intercept Republicans’ text messages to each other and display them on the JumboTron in real time

7. President Obama will be sporting snazzy new Uncle Sugar costume

6. Mass wedding performed according to Sharia Law [Mas…]

Hola Gueyes! This is my Live Tweet/State of the Union response chingadera. Will someone please get me a water, that bottle I’m looking at is right out of reach. CHINGAO!

MEXIPHONE CHECK, JUAN TU, JUAN TU

HIJOLE EL TWITTER IS ESLOW, IT’S MORE CLOGGED THAN THE TOILET AT EL TORITO

HEY OBAMA, STOP TOUCHING THE CROWD, YOU ARE NOT LL COOL J

THE ESTATE OF THE UNION ESTA CHINGADA

IT IS OUR YENERATION’S TASK TO IGNITE DORNER’S CABIN

FREE ENTERPRISE ISN’T FOR FREELOADERS [Mas…]

I was recovering from the Clint Eastwood Chair Incident, pretending to listen to some storm victims in who-knows-what-FOCKED-UP backwards-ass SOUTHERN STATE, and I was forced by my campaign adviser to watch the Democratic National Convention.

TV COVERAGE OF THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION IS HILARIOUS, the camerapeoples have to constantly pan around to find THE ONE STRAIGHT WHITE MALE.

Then I was forced to watch the espeech given by JULIAN CASTRO. Yes, the espeech gave ME A PAIN IN THE BIDEN.

First of all, how did a 12-year-old version of Jimmy Smits become the mayor of a major American City? Oh it’s San Antonio? Never mind. [Mas…]