science

Scientists: We’ve decoded more than 80% of Mayan hieroglyphs

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maya codexThe meaning of the intricate and striking hieroglyphs of the ancient Mayans have resisted decoding for centuries, but now some scientists claim the secrets will soon be revealed.

Ancient Origins reports:

For hundreds of years, linguists have been trying to decode the ancient hieroglyphic script of the Mayans, left behind on monument carvings, painted pottery, and drawn in handmade bark-paper books.

Mas…Scientists: We’ve decoded more than 80% of Mayan hieroglyphs

Pocho Ocho things to eat that are way worse for you than bacon

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fryingbaconanimatedBacon is makin’ news because a questionably-reported study says the hot and salty candy can cause cancer – or not. They say we had to ditch the bacon, but we said, “No! No! No!”

That’s because there are Pocho Ocho Top Things You Can Eat That Are Way Worse Than Bacon:

8. Bush™  special frijoles — THE BROWN ONES™ — now with 25% more nepotism! [Editor’s Note: Our sources tell us this product may not be on the market much longer. Choose wisely.]

7. Uncle Ben Carson’s Tacos de Seso

6. Ferguson’s Gelato – You’ll be screaming, “Hands up! Don’t scoop!”

Mas…Pocho Ocho things to eat that are way worse for you than bacon

Elise @Buttronica Roedenbeck: Do computers zap our creativity? (video)

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elisecomputerMiJA Elise Roedenbeck, formerly a professional geek*, wonders if computers make our brains less creative. Since half of Elise’ cabeza is exposed to Mutant Moon Rays from Outer Espace synergistically multiplied by the Reality Distortion Field generated by her MacBook Pro, it was urgent she get an answer as quickly as possible. In this case, it took her only 3:03.

PRO TIP: Elise’s high tech screen name on the Twitter is @buttronica, so you know she’s right, especially when POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal shows up on her list as #1 most creative comedian. 🙂

Here’s Buttronica’s video:

Mas…Elise @Buttronica Roedenbeck: Do computers zap our creativity? (video)

Massive ancient Mayan cities found deep in Mexican jungle

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junglecityArcheologists have re-discovered two ancient Mayan cities deep in the Yucatan jungle — massive cities with plazas, buildings and pyramids, some over six stories high.

One spectacular find was a monster mouth portal carved with a stylized earth monster eye and fangs along the doorway jamb (photo.)

The cities, Lagunita and Tamchen, flourished in what is called the Late and Terminal Classic periods (600-1000 A.D.).

Discovery News has the story:

Mas…Massive ancient Mayan cities found deep in Mexican jungle

Did Puerto Rican lawyers cause rise in bed-fall fatalities?

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people-who-died-by-falling-out-of-their-bed_number-of-lawyers-in-puerto-rico(PNS reporting from CAMBRIDGE, MASS) Did you know that the more lawyers there are in Puerto Rico, the more people die from falling out of their beds?

That’s the startling statistical relationship discovered by the prestigious Harvard Law-school-based Spurious Correlations Institute, one of many recently revealed on their website.

Mas…Did Puerto Rican lawyers cause rise in bed-fall fatalities?

Mexican biologists wonder: Where have all the axolotls gone?

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axolotlYou know those uber-cute salamander-like axolotls who are native to the lake system in and around Mexico City? They’re gone.

The Guardian reports:

Growing up to a foot long (30 cm) and known as the “water monster” or the “Mexican walking fish”, its only natural habitat is the Xochimilco network of lakes and canals, which are suffering from pollution and urban sprawl.

Biologist Armando Tovar Garza, of Mexico’s National Autonomous University, described an attempt last year by researchers to try to net axolotls in the shallow, muddy waters of Xochimilco as “four months of sampling zero axolotls”.

Mas…Mexican biologists wonder: Where have all the axolotls gone?

Breaking: Scientists ID ’empty the trash’ gene in male DNA

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trashguy(PNS reporting from BOSTON) Geneticists at Boston University have discovered the gene in men that gives them the strength, stamina and expertise to take out the trash.

According to an article published Monday in the journal Science, the gene is located near other genetic material that corresponds to mens’ inherent superior ability to mow the lawn and open tight jar lids.

Mas…Breaking: Scientists ID ’empty the trash’ gene in male DNA

Mexican scientist reveals underground high speed travel system

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hyperlupe(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) Not to be outdone by Space X founder Elon Musk’s proposed high speed “Hyperloop” rail system, a Mexican engineer has plans to commercialize his country’s high speed travel infrastructure, a proprietary closed system that has been in operation for years.

Researchers and engineers in this high tech city in Mexico’s Silicon Barrio are not impressed with Musk’s Hyperloop, a system of people-sized pods that move through a network of air-free tubes built over or under the ground at speeds of up to 800 MPH.

“We have had almost the same method of transportation a very long time, so I do not understand what the big deal is,” Universidad de Guanajuato Prof. Carlos Sagañez told PNS Tuesday.

Mas…Mexican scientist reveals underground high speed travel system

Flash: Three authors get Castaneda Research Bullshit Award

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(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) Carmen Reinhart and Kenneth Rogoff, authors of the mathematically-challenged Growth in a Time of Debt pro-“austerity” study, and Jason Richwine, the Heritage Foundation researcher who claimed Hispanics have lower IQs, are the recipients of the 2013 Carlos Castaneda Award for Academic Bullshit, it was announced today.

The prize is named for the Peruvian-born UCLA anthropologist and cult leader who wrote several best-selling books about a Yaqui brujo that were marketed as truth but turned out to be bullshit. It’s presented annually to “those academic authors who manage to fool some of the people some of the time.”

The award, which features a $19.99 monthly stipend and a year’s supply of vegetarian “sausage” for the winners, is a community project of the Soyrizo Foundation of Los Angeles, which is “dedicated to recognizing and celebrating phony-ass shit wherever we find it, with a spicy Latin flair,” executive vice president Penn O. Kehoe said in a foundation press release.

Mas…Flash: Three authors get Castaneda Research Bullshit Award

Not everyone hates GMO foods; Itty Bitty Mexicans back GMO frijoles

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(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) A rainy day failed to damper the spirits of people marching against Genetically Modified Organisms in downtown Austin Thursday.

With signs proclaiming JUST SAY NO TO GMO, the crowd rallied on the steps of the Capitol to protest the “seeds of destruction” they say GMO foods present to society.

Not all the people at the rally supported that viewpoint, however.

“Frijoles should be GMO, so Mexicans can grow,” said Richard Salazar, a software engineer who stands 5’6″ tall and is the president of the local chapter of Itty Bitty Mexicans or IBMs.

Mas…Not everyone hates GMO foods; Itty Bitty Mexicans back GMO frijoles

Tio Sam’s official gummint blog: No Mayan Apocalypse for you

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Yes, your Uncle Sam wastes your tax money on blogs while millions suffer and our country lurches toward the fiscal cliff. And Tio Sam says no Mayan Apocalypse for you, despite the obvious DOOMSDAY 2012 COUNTDOWN CLOCK in the right column of EVERY PAGE ON POCHO which says we only have two weeks left!

Ignoring hundreds of thousands of blog posts, websites, videos, prophecies and Tweets, Big Government wants to tell you what “scientists” think. These are the same “people” who think they know better than Hispanic Sen. Marco “Pollo” Rubio the age of the Earth. (It’s 6000 years, but who’s counting?)

Why are they doing this? “For the children!” )*&^%#

Here’s Monday’s official posting, from Blog.USA.gov:

Scary Rumors about the World Ending in 2012 Are Just Rumors

False rumors about the end of the world in 2012 have been commonplace on the Internet for some time. Many of these rumors involve the Mayan calendar ending in 2012 (it won’t), a comet causing catastrophic effects (definitely not), a hidden planet sneaking up and colliding with us (no and no), and many others.

Mas…Tio Sam’s official gummint blog: No Mayan Apocalypse for you

Pocho Ocho best definitions in the new ‘Republican Dictionary’

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Hoping to capitalize on the enormous groundswell of support they’ve generated with their new definitions of life, marriage and assault weapons, the GOP braintrust is planning to premiere a Republican Dictionary at next week’s convention in Tampa, FLA.

We got a brief peek at a draft (the “rape” definition was leaked Monday); check out the Pocho Ocho best definitions:

8. Rape: When a man loves a woman
7. Voting: What white people get to do
6. Minorities: Three-fifths of a person

Mas…Pocho Ocho best definitions in the new ‘Republican Dictionary’