tia lencha

tiacincoHola! Is Tia Lencha here.

I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it. [Mas…]

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The other day mijo say he gwanted a burrito for breakfast.

“OK,” I say, and I start to look for my refry beans.

“No,” mijo say. That is the burrito you make me gwhen I was little.”

“Ju don’t like it?” I say.

“I gwant somesing more like for a man.”

“A man?”

“Ju know, a man that goes to gwork and he has a burrito wrapped in aluminio.” (That’s aluminum foil for ju pochos). [Mas…]

salsainabowlI’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha.

Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day.

M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his daddy are divorce because his daddy like to stick his weene ebrywhere.

M’ijo usually checks my espelling but oh gwell. Since I have a little gwhile, I give you the recipe for Aphrodisiac Salsa. [Mas…]

jarosalsaHola. Is Tia Lencha here.

Ju want to give presens to eberyone on your Chrismas list or Chanukah or Kwanzaa or Reyes Magos or Chinese Year but ju are short on dinero? No worry! Tia Lencha is going to give ju recipe for to make the oven roast red salsa!

Is nice! Is a good gift for the peoples! And is easy! No like making mole for Turkey Day.

I make this salsa to give to my comadres and the lob it. They have little hearts in their eyes when they see my salsa. They eat with almost eberything. They say they fight their childrens and viejos to eat the last drops of it in the jar. Is that good. Oso, it don’t matter if the peoples are no Mexican. The peoples at my job are no Mexican and they ask me for the salsa. [Mas…]

lenchatacosHappy Mexican Thanksgiving Day!

Is Tia Lencha here. Gwhat is Mexican Thanksgiving Day you ask? Is Thanksgiving but with all Mexican food. What?!?! My gringo frends say. Oh no! How you can do that! Is crazy! And Tia Lencha say, no really.

When I help mijo with his homeworks, I learn that Thanksgiving come from a Puritan holiday in Englands. When it was the Reformation the Protestantes wanted to throw away all the Catholic holidays, even Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny! [Mas…]

tialencha300I say there are racists, or Marxists, or Russia-level fascists
An orange glo-worm that hashes and dashes.

“Hey Beaner,” said the weiner, “go back to Mexico!”
Three gueros in a car. I yell back at the guero,
“Oh yeah? Thas not bery far.”

And the white people say, there’s no racists, or Marxists,
Or Russia level fascists, no orange colored glo-worm
That hashes and dashes [Mas…]

Tia Lencha: What pochos need to know about El Dia de Los Muertos

by TIA LENCHA October 31, 2016 Cultura
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Happy Day of the Dead! Is Tia Lencha here. Many people ask me questions about Dia de Los Muertos. I answer the questions today. Question numero one: Tia Lencha wass this Dia de los Muertos? Is it the Mexican Halloween? Gwell, kind of, I say. Except that the Day of the Dead celebrations come from […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: That time Mijo made me a ‘Hipster Taco’

by TIA LENCHA September 9, 2016 Cultura
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Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Today I going to help you make my new faborite taco. The other day I saw my mijo making sonething in the kishen. I so proud. He like to cook like his mama. I say, “Mijo, what you making?” He say, “A taco.” I see that he was using corn […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina makes Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

by TIA LENCHA May 4, 2016 Cultura
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Hola! Is Tia Lencha here. I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo on Thursday. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos! I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Hot and Sexy Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

by TIA LENCHA February 12, 2016 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina:  Hot and Sexy Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha. Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day. M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Thanksgiving turkey al pastor tacos

by TIA LENCHA November 25, 2015 Cultura
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Happy Mexican Thanksgiving Day! Is Tia Lencha here. Gwhat is Mexican Thanksgiving Day you ask? Is Thanksgiving but with all Mexican food. What?!?! My gringo frends say. Oh no! How you can do that! Is crazy! And Tia Lencha say, no really. When I help mijo with his homeworks, I learn that Thanksgiving come from […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: On Father’s Day I think about my ex’s chorizo

by TIA LENCHA June 15, 2015 Cultura
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Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. After many jears of being divorce from mijo’s daddy, (that’s a photo of him leaving I took for the lawyer), I share with ju the recipe I make for the Father’s Day, which is on Sunday. When I think of mijo’s daddy, I think of chorizo. Oso, when I see […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Fruity Virgin Micheladas for Cinco de Mayo

by Celina Martinez April 29, 2015 Cultura
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Hola! Is Tia Lencha here. I going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo — next week. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos! I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Mijo makes for me a ‘Hipster Taco’

by TIA LENCHA April 1, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Mijo makes for me a ‘Hipster Taco’

Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Today I going to help you make my new faborite taco. The other day I saw my mijo making sonething in the kishen. I so proud. He like to cook like his mama. I say, “Mijo, what you making?” He say, “A taco.” I see that he was using corn […]

[Mas…]

How do you clean nopales? And how does Tia Lencha cook them?

by JEFE BOYARDEE March 24, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for How do you clean nopales?  And how does Tia Lencha cook them?

Ani from Confessions of a Foodie (@afotogirl on the Twitter) demonstrates the best way to clean nopales. But what then? How do you cook nopales? Our Tia Lencha has the answer:

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: My Hot Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

by TIA LENCHA February 12, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: My Hot Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha. Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day. M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his […]

[Mas…]

Los Pochodores: Our Pocho Ocho Top New Year’s Resolutions

by Especial Correspondents December 31, 2014 Cultura
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We asked the POCHO posse to share their New Year’s Resolutions for 2015. After the responses came in, we picked the best answers, and then carefully removed all the information that could personally identify the authors because El Cucuy. And so we present Los Pochodores’ Pocho Ocho Top New Year Revolutions: 8. Update my Nahuatl […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted Red Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa Salsa

by TIA LENCHA December 23, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted Red Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa Salsa

Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Ju want to give presens to eberyone on your Chrismas list or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Reyes Magos or Chinese Year but ju are short on dinero? No worry! Tia Lencha is going to give ju recipe for to make the oven roast red salsa! Is nice! Is a good […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How ju make Mijo’s favorite Mole Poblano turkey

by TIA LENCHA November 25, 2014 Cultura
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Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Sorry I no give ju recetas (recipes for ju pochos) for a gwhile. Mijo’s daddy no send the cheques for the mijo support. I mad. Then he go to my house crying because the eskelton eskank he marry left him for another viejo (old man for ju pochos). The viejo […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: The Mexican flag three-color salsa for El Grito

by TIA LENCHA September 16, 2014 Cultura
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Happy Day of the Mexican Independence! Is Tia Lencha here. Today we make a salsa that is the colors of the Mexican bandera (flag for you pochos). Tia Lencha is all dress in her green, white, and red to celebrate El Grito, but all of her pocho and gringo friends is a little confuse. They […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How ju make chilaquiles for the World Cup

by TIA LENCHA July 9, 2014 Cultura
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Hello. Is Tia Lencha here. I haves the World Cup feber. Do ju? Is the feber ju get from watching the World Cups and being so mad at the referees and Holland and wonder who put brujeria on Brazil, that ju want to hit the telebision with a cuchara from the kishen. But I watch […]

[Mas…]

Dear gringa who wants to defend the Mexican food in New Jork

by TIA LENCHA June 19, 2014 Cultura
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I read jur article ^^^^ on the google about the Los Angeles Mexican food is not better than the New Jork food but different. Tia Lencha’s chonies are in a bunch. Is that how ju say? Ju don know what ju are talking about. These are the reasons gwhy: In jur articulo, ju spend mos […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Valentine’s Day Hot Salsa Blind Tasting Test

by TIA LENCHA February 10, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Valentine’s Day Hot Salsa Blind Tasting Test

Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Happy Valemtines Day! I haf the perfect parry idea. What is red and espicy and uses a blindfold? Get jur mind out of the basura (thas trash for you pochos.) Is the Valentimes Hot Sauce Taste Test. This is one test that is fun to estudy for! What is it? […]

[Mas…]

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted red Chanukah Christmas Kwanzaa salsa

by TIA LENCHA December 3, 2013 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted red Chanukah Christmas Kwanzaa salsa

Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Ju want to give presens to eberyone on your Chrismas list or Chanukah or Kwanzaa or Reyes Magos or Chinese Year but ju are short on dinero? No worry! Tia Lencha is going to give ju recipe for to make the oven roast red salsa! Is nice! Is a good […]

[Mas…]