Taco Tuesday + Cinco de Mayo = Drunk Tacos + Fresh Guac!

drunktacosHow many times does Cinco de Mayo also fall on Taco Tuesday? Our guess is 14% of the time or 1/7th but math is hard, amiright?

But the odds are with us today (the Fourth Was With Us yesterday, and with you) so let’s get loqui with two of our favorite thematically-appropriate videos — Tacos by My Drunk Kitchen and Fresh Guacamole. Are you ready? Remember, kids don’t try these at home!

Mas…Taco Tuesday + Cinco de Mayo = Drunk Tacos + Fresh Guac!

A burrito is not a sandwich, Massachusetts judge rules

qdoba640(PNS reporting from MASSACHUSETTS) A burrito is not a sandwich, you idiots, according to a court decision announced here last week.

Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Locke made the ruling as he threw out a lawsuit brought by a Panera restaurant seeking to stop White City Shopping Center in Shrewbsury from leasing space to a franchisee of the Qdoba Mexican Grill chain.

Panera’s lease prevents the center from renting space to a (competing) sandwich shop.

From the Associated Press:

[The judge] cited Webster’s Dictionary as well as testimony from a chef and a former high-ranking federal agriculture official in ruling that Qdoba’s burritos and other offerings are not sandwiches.

Mas…A burrito is not a sandwich, Massachusetts judge rules

Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines for Valentine’s Day

lovetshirtLove is in the air for Valentine’s Day, along with cries for immigration reform, economic fairness and equal justice.

Is there a way for the politically active pocha or pocho to get lucky AND make the world a better place?

Yes, there is! Check out our list of the Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines you can use this Valentine’s Day:

8. What do we want? A quiet romantic dinner for two! When do we want it? Friday night — what do you think — 8-ish?

7. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a MEChA like this?

6. Is that a GMO-free organic sustainably-raised earth-friendly heirloom local family farm non-corporate elote in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Mas…Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines for Valentine’s Day

Religious figures to Guadalupe: You’re a ‘miraculous appearance hog’

(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Leading Catholic personalities gathered here this week to address a simmering controversy in the official Divine Advent & Manifestation Union (DAMU): members claim that La Virgen de Guadalupe (photo, center) is a publicity hog when it comes to miraculous appearances.

“Can’t the Son of God just miraculously appear on a slice of toast without someone copying me?” asked Jesus Christ (photo, right). “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for faith and everything, but she goes out of her way to appear on everything! Am I right, people?”

Another virgin in attendance, rarely-seen La Virgen de San Juan (photo, left), said that although she’s “totally cool” with being a lesser-known virgin, she will never be able to grow her Twitter following or sell more CDs when Guadalupe is always “hogging the spotlight.”

“The union has rules for a reason, so everyone has a chance at appearing on tortillas or an oil stain,” San Juan told PNS. “I don’t expect to be number one — I mean, c’mon, we’re talking about the Mother of God here — but I do expect my fair share.”

Mas…Religious figures to Guadalupe: You’re a ‘miraculous appearance hog’

All I want for Xmas is a burrito-wrapped baby in a tamal-looking hat

burritobabyRunning out of Christmas gift ideas for the little pochito in your life?

How about doubling down with a Comida Mexicana duo that wraps your baby up like a burrito in a tortilla-colored blanket and keeps his/her cute little cabeza warm with a hat that looks like the corn husk knot that secures tamales?

Bon Vivant Baby has you covered for only $48.  [Baby not included.]

PREVIOUSLY ON BURRITO-LOOKING BABIES:

Link via MiBlogEsTuBlog.

Editor’s Note: POCHO Subcomandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón wants to remind you it is one tamal and two tamales; one frijol, two frijoles; one asshol, two assholes, etc.

Don’t cry for me Argentina: How NOT to make a taco! (video)

mexikoshertacoThis is HOW NOT MAKE A TACO … NO NO NO NO

Chef Katsuji Tanabe of Mexikosher got all indignant on his Facebook page, and he wasn’t the only one. Why so mad? It’s that darn Argentinian Chef Maru Botana and her how-to-make-a-taco video.

Argentine Chef Maru Botana Crucified On Twitter For Mocking Mexican Food was the headline in the “Latin Times,” an English-language website despite its name. Maria G. Valdez reporting [*Latin translation by Google below.]:

Mas…Don’t cry for me Argentina: How NOT to make a taco! (video)

Breaking: Silicio Barrio startup demos 3D tortilla printer

(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) Previously-secret startup MasaTek.com today unveiled a hardware/software combo that uses 3D printing to print corn or flour tortillas with the religious or brand image of your choice.

“The waiting is over!” Carlos Molinero, president of the Silicio Barrio company, told reporters here. “You need Jesus? He’s just a click away. La Virgen is always on deck!”

The WiFi-enabled printer is the size of a small microwave and has a hopper on top for masa. It uses open source 3D software, Molinero said, and is easily addressable with standard CAD tools.

Mas…Breaking: Silicio Barrio startup demos 3D tortilla printer

Corn tortilla achieves enlightenment on unattended Texas comal

tortillas on a comal(PNS reporting from Edinburg, TX) A corn tortilla was released from its physical shell and achieved enlightenment last night when it was inadvertently consumed by fire during Gil Trejo’s dinner preparations.

The University of South Texas assistant professor of Latin American literature was heating the traditional Mexican flat bread to accompany leftover frijoles con queso when he became distracted by an intense scene in the sitcom How I Met Your Mother. He sat down in his living room, thoughtlessly leaving the comal unattended.

Alone, on the flat metal griddle, the tortilla de maiz burst into flames, releasing its essence from saṃsāra and leaving behind naught but the charred husk of its temporary shell.

Mas…Corn tortilla achieves enlightenment on unattended Texas comal

Oxnard man says ‘Hand of God’ saved family from salsa poisoning

Jar of Herdez Salsa Casera(PNS reporting from OXNARD, CA) Sam Fuentes is certain he and his kids would be dead today if God hadn’t intervened.

“The Lord Almighty — with a strong hand and an outstretched arm — saved us from the Grim Reaper, that’s for sure!” the Del Norte businessman and father of two told PNS. “That salsa coulda killed us, but it didn’t.”

Fuentes called the POCHO ñewsroom tipline (408-POCHO-28) to share his story.

The brush with death by salsa, his voicemail said, began Sunday morning after church when he began preparing pot roast for his children Selena, 9, and Chente, 11, who were “his” over the weekend per terms of the custody agreement with his ex-wife Evangelina.

“I got the recipe right off the Internets from the Herdez gente. I trust Herdez Salsa Casera. I have toda confianza, just like the label says. It’s Mexico’s favorite and my mom always swore by it,” Fuentes said:

Mas…Oxnard man says ‘Hand of God’ saved family from salsa poisoning

Denver man’s shocking confession: ‘I prefer flour to corn tortillas’

(PNS reporting from DENVER) Felix Garcia is out of the closet.  The Five Points resident called friends and family together yesterday to confess the secret he had kept hidden for so long:

I just didn’t want anyone to think I wasn’t Mexican enough. I mean, corn is OK and everything, but oh my God, a good flour tortilla is unlike anything else!

Long considered the more “authentic” tortilla, corn tortillas have been the favorites of Mexicans from Southern Mexico for centuries, as well as Chicanos interested in joining MEChA.

Advertising executive Garcia (photo)  spent most of his life feigning a preference for corn over flour, hoping that no one would notice his secret stash hidden in the deli drawer of the fridge, under the cold cuts, cream cheese and lox.

Mas…Denver man’s shocking confession: ‘I prefer flour to corn tortillas’