UNESCO adds Salma Hayek’s breasts to world heritage list

by María Purísima on June 4, 2012 in Cultura, Pocho Ñews Service

(PNS reporting from GENEVA) The U.N.’s Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) has added Salma Hayek’s breasts to the official list of the world’s greatest cultural assets.

Joining the Pyramids in Egypt, the Eiffel Tower in France, the Taj Mahal in India and the Great Wall of China, the Mexican-American actresses’ ample bosom is now acclaimed as one of the great “Cultural Wonders of the World.”

According to UNESCO, Hayek’s bodacious tatas  give untold numbers of young (and old) men around the world a “sense of identity and continuity” that promotes “respect for cultural diversity and human creativity.”

Committee Chair Dr. André Moreau noted that Hayek’s contributions to Hollywood films of the 1990s in which you can almost see her breasts and charity work that requires her to dress up her choice chi-chis in expensive gowns have both been pivotal to the American male psyche.

“Who would we be as the human race were it not for Hayek’s turns in Desperado and From Dusk ‘Til Dawn? Those roles made each one of us question whether we had previously seen beauty in boobs, and by extension, in ourselves,” Moreau said.

Back in the U.S., Latino moviegoers were ecstatic, rushing to video stores and Redboxes in order to revisit such memorable appearances by Hayek’s tremendous titties in Wild Wild West, Bandidas and who could forget, Grown Ups.

“I remember the first time I saw them in Desperado, that was a pivotal moment for me,” said Rafa Aguilar, who was twitching in line at a Redbox in Dallas, TX. “I was all, like, ‘Damn! Those are some bitchin’ boobies!’ And I’ve never been the same since,” he said.

When asked how Hayek’s massive mammary glands would be preserved for posterity, Moreau had no comment, noting that Hayek had not returned UNESCO’s phone calls during the process of her breasts’ nomination.

More Salma Hayek: When she was young and needed the money, she shot this video.

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.


Melinna Bobadilla June 4, 2012 at 9:49 AM

This is extremely sexist, but I wonder if you truly don’t already know that. It’s 2012, you call yourself Chican@, yet you still think fragmenting the female body for a cheap laugh is appropriate? Lame.

Nigel Tufnel June 4, 2012 at 10:23 AM

What’s wrong with being sexy?

Jose Bustamante June 4, 2012 at 11:28 AM

I agree with sister Melinna, it’s totally sexist and disrespectful. Chicano my ass, es un pendejo !

Cesar Vargas June 4, 2012 at 12:21 PM

Sexist? You guys need to take a few women studies courses. And this is hilarious.

Sara Ines Calderon June 4, 2012 at 1:18 PM

i thought it was funny, too. i think if you read between the lines you can see that it’s poking fun of the objectified salma hayek obsession. but that’s just me.

Marie Garcia June 6, 2012 at 10:01 AM

Seriously, some people take things a little too seriously.

Jesse Acosta June 6, 2012 at 10:09 AM

And the big things too 😉

Luis June 4, 2012 at 7:05 PM

Whats with the nasty remarks?? (Boooooooo!!) I think she was very chistosa about this….eh eh ..

Marnie June 6, 2012 at 10:07 AM

Why not celebrate the beauty, voluputiousness, and sheer gorgeousness of her boobs! I am a woman and not at all offended by this. As women we need to start embracing our beauty whether it be on the outside or inside. Salma is a beautiful woman of Mexican and Middle Eastern descent, who represents herself well and is proud of who she is. Lets hear it for her BOOBS! Hip,hip, hooray! LOL 😀

Si Si Si June 6, 2012 at 10:29 AM

“Lets hear it for her BOOBS!” made me spit my diet coke out.

Angel June 6, 2012 at 12:20 PM

From what I understand, on Goodwill visits to 3rd world countries, she actually has been known to breastfeed starving children. Partly, she aims to increase the social acceptability of breastfeeding.

So, as funny as this is for satire, and as chingon as those bodacious chi-chis are there is some actual worthiness to giving her, (and her breasts) accolade for more than belleza.

Who knows, her boobs alone might have done more for starving children than Sally Struthers’ entire body!

Viva las ta-tas Hayek!

Jerry June 6, 2012 at 1:59 PM

Its wonderfull that we have beutifull Mexican women.

Mariaeu June 7, 2012 at 2:57 PM

if Salma thinks that exposing her breasts is OK, why should we object to the picture? or to Pocho for mentioning Salma’s exposed breasts? Nobody complained when Vanity Fair’s cover displayed the almost naked beautiful, muscular, male bodies of the World Cup players.

whatsamatta_u June 8, 2012 at 11:56 PM

Meet the UN’s newest Goodwill Gombazadors ;D

DavidSholts June 9, 2012 at 3:19 AM

Makes you proud to be a mammal.

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