White Hispanics: ‘Hey! We’re not ALL murderous douchebags’

by EDWARD RUEDA on July 16, 2013 in Cultura

ronstadtbrown“White Hispanic” is one of mainstream media’s hottest new buzzwords, a term that has leaped off of old census forms and job applications to join the ranks of “twerking,” “3-D printing,” and “Death to Edward Snowden!”

The mainstream media needs to distinguish between different colors of Latinos because it was too polite to ask  “Why is Trayvon Martin’s killer, George Zimmerman, so… DARK for his name? And isn’t Aaron Hernandez, that allegedly trigger-happy New England Patriots player, a little… LIGHT for his?”

I guess I could be called a “White Hispanic,” as my dad’s from Colombia and my Yiddishe momme reps Brooklyn.  I really wish it didn’t take two high-profile killings to bring Latino-and-white people into the public eye, but Linda Ronstadt (photo) and Joan Baez aren’t making new albums and Little Ricky’s been off TV for a while.

So before Cameron Diaz beats me to the punch, let me share with you a few insights into my own life, so that gringos won’t keep thinking that “White Hispanic” is just a typo.

  • I am not a Spaniard and I am not a gabacho.  Given my last name and complexion, some people assume I speak Spanish with a lisp.  Other times, I will talk to Latinos in Spanish and they answer me in English.  In either case, I wish people heard what I had to say before they had a response ready.
  • I do not belong to a neighborhood watch group.  I never thought that the “gun-happy White Hispanic” would be a potential media stereotype.  I’m a calm, rational person and only rarely do I shoot at my house guests.
  • My family does not act in a telenovela.  Latino TV networks earn their pan y mantequilla showing light-skinned güeros committing wild crimes of passion.  Let me assure you, I live a normal life, running a modeling agency and a rancho while my fiancee cheats on me with my twin brother and my best friend sleeps with my sister while stealing diamonds from a high-security bank vault when suddenly a mysterious gunshot fires from off-camera. Or as it’s known at my house, “Saturday.”
  • I wish people would stop unbuttoning my shirt.  Ladies, I appreciate the attention.  I know you hope under the buttons and zippers lie the pecs and abs of a William Levy or the nalgas of an Antonio Banderas, but I just don’t have that kind of time or energy.
  • And finally, I hate the term “white Hispanic.”  My relatives on my dad’s side have a wide range of skin tones. Why do I have to be the “white” Hispanic, separated from the rest of mis primos? That’s just the mainstream media patting my head like the creepy great aunt who said my wavy locks are “pelo bueno” — “good hair.”  C’mon, mainstream media, I know you have more pressing concerns than the misplaced compliments from my slightly racist great aunt. You know that in a police lineup of white dudes, I’m still gonna be Hispanic Male Suspect #1.

Edward Rueda wants you to visit “Rajbhog Streetz,” his Latino-and-Desi-themed Tumblr: http://rajbhogstreetz.tumblr.com/

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{ 5 comments }

Martha I Beltz July 18, 2013 at 12:07 AM

NICE
I guess I’ll just stay a half breed guera

HYPOCRITE MEXICANS July 18, 2013 at 12:03 PM

Edward, I’ll respond to your points:

“I am not a Spaniard and I am not a gabacho.”

Be real, no white American is thinking your actually speaking with a “lisp”, and the way Spaniards talk which isn’t a lisp is the actual dialect of Spaniards, what’s wrong with that? Kind of racist if you ask me.

“I do not belong to a neighborhood watch group.”

But some do. Unlike most Mexicans, Zimmerman wanted to defend his neighborhood and looked into his rights AS AN AMERICAN.

And then there are those that buy guns legally to protect themselves from the more criminal elements in this country. And don’t tell me you don’t have gun-happy gang banger cholos/cholas in your culture… please, what hypocrisy, I love it when you give me more to work with.

That’s why we live in a country that gives us the right to bear arms. If you don’t that’s your freedom of choice, now bend down and kiss the ground of the country that allows you those freedoms. Now.

“My family does not act in a telenovela.”

Okay, yes, most are light skinned actors but why would you point that out? Oh that’s right, you a HYPOCRITE RACIST that has racist sentiments against light skinned people… incredible, the hypocrisy in that.

On the subject of telenovelas, there WAS a time, maybe 15, 20 years ago when you would see Telenovelas from various different Latin American countries, Venezuela, Brazil, maybe Colombia… and those telenovelas are not non-existent as Mexicans discriminated those countries and hoarded, dominated SPANISH Language television in the USA with Mexican only telenovelas that are junk. You didn’t find that kind of ridiculous type scenarios you described in Telenovelas until Mexican telenovelas became more dominating as the ONLY telenovelas in on SPANISH language television.

” I hate the term “white Hispanic.”

Hmmm hypocrite… I hate the term “Salvatrucha” or “Serote” to describe other Latino ethnic groups that AREN’T Mexican.

Your slightly racist aunt, as you put it, isn’t even the tip of the iceberg in your people. What’s your beef with wavy hair? I’ve seen first hand how Mexicans with straight hair discriminate other Latino’s that have naturally curly hair. Its ridiculous, but you brought it up, so why not discuss all the little racist issues YOU have with others that don’t fit YOUR views of what is more … superior.

“You know that in a police lineup of white dudes, I’m still gonna be Hispanic Male Suspect #1.”

In Mexico, in a police lineup a shorter Central American will be suspect #1.

Hypocrite.

Pupusa Power July 18, 2013 at 12:36 PM

Hypocrite M., Cerote is not a racial slur. If someone called you a Cerote, which I have a feeling has happened on numerous occasions, it is not because of the color of your skin, it is because of the content of your character.

HYPOCRITE MEXICANS July 20, 2013 at 11:35 AM

Cerote, IS used as a RACIAL SLUR because it directed at Salvadorians based on their ethnicity.

Even your “Pupusa Power” has a racist tinge to it, oh but that’s right, you cowardly Mexicans hide behind “humor” and “satire”.

Its not funny.

What is, is that you people can read everything I state and say NOTHING and focus on one thing and THEN have the temerity to say it’s NOT a racial slur, when it clearly is.

You reached for straws homie. Expect more from me AND… when you least expect it… being contacted by the appropriate authorities. And again, I’m not talking local.

Rosalinda December 2, 2013 at 11:59 AM

One thing is for certain…we are more similar than we are different…and skin tone doesn’t reach an Alma Latina or Corazon Hispano. Cut out the distinctions and divisions within us…we get enough of that outside our own ethnicity.

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