After the responses came in, we picked the best answers, and then carefully removed all the information that could personally identify the authors because El Cucuy.
And so we present Los Pochodores’ Pocho Ocho Top New Year Revolutions:
8. Curb my smartphonethusiasm [I’m not addicted. I can unplug any time I want. Hold on I have a text.]
7. Find a better way to check if I washed all the jalapeño juice off my hands — better than rubbing my eyes.
6. Get my Mexican Wife Game on point with a new, improved caldo de res recipe.
5. Break that horchata habit once and for all.
4. It’a an Election Year: Voto Latino.
3. Let the Boundless Wisdom of Comrade Lalo and Comrade Gustavo Guide Our Way to Glory on the Great Raza March to Immanentize the #TelevisionReconquista.
2. Two Words: Dump Trump.
And the Numero Uno Pochodores’ resolution is…
Give peace a chance.
Paz a vosotros, salaam aleikum, y shalom aleichem. May The Peace be with you,
Professor Equis, Tia Lencha, Junco Canché, Estefania Zavala, Gustavo Arellano, Maria Purísima, Dan McClintock, and Comic Saenz contributed to this report.
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