Iowa analysis: Hatred for poor edges out homophobia, racism

Former Sen. Rick Santorum's election campaign rubbed up behind Romney's muscular Iowa presence

(PNS reporting from IOWA) Hatred for the poor won in Iowa yesterday,  squeaking by second-place entry homophobia and runners-up racism and tax evasion in the hotly-contested GOP caucuses.

In a stunning, almost come-from-behind finish, current homophobe and former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum ended the caucus vote in a number two position, rubbing up right behind human simulation Mitt Romney.

Mas…Iowa analysis: Hatred for poor edges out homophobia, racism

The Math4Men™ formula: BOOBS+BUTT–WAIST=♥ (I think)

A girl can never win.

When I was in seventh grade, I was derided for being flat-chested. When I was in college I was derided for having ample junk in the trunk. As a 20-something I was felt self-conscious because I didn’t have thin legs.

It turns out, depending on who you ask, this is all good — or all lacking. It’s confusing: do Latino men want voluptuous or not? Or do they only want voluptuous in certain places? Do they just like to drool over skinny women on TV, but when they get home prefer something more ample? What are the mathematics on being an “adequately-attractive” Latina?

Mas…The Math4Men™ formula: BOOBS+BUTT–WAIST=♥ (I think)

Bolivia puts Mother Earth over God, dooms country to Hell

Cocaine-growing heathen socialist Evo Morales is president of a country bound for Hell

(PNS reporting from BOLIVIA) Undoubtedly weakened by defending herself from deranged Islamo-fascists seeking to nestle in her naïve, hot-blooded bosom, Latin America has fallen victim to an even more dangerous attacker: The Green Dragon of Environmentalism.

Bolivia is slated pass unprecedented legislation that would grant the planet the same rights as human beings. The environment will be given special protections from industry and related development under the recently-proposed Law of Mother Earth. Socialist cocaine-growing President Evo Morales, the first openly-heathen president in Latin America, believes this legislation will help protect unwed whore Mother Earth from the fairy tale of climate change.

Mas…Bolivia puts Mother Earth over God, dooms country to Hell

Traditional GOP caucus ritual marks Iowanian New Year

Don D. S. Waldo, 24, is a medical student: "Mitt Romney seems to have cornered the Just for Men contingent, but the Tres Flores activists are still up for grabs."

(PNS reporting from THE HEARTLAND, USA) Thousands of Iowanians are fighting their way across the wind-blown plains today to perform the traditional Republican caucus ritual.  Sioux City City College PoliSci Professor Rico Alvarado explains the Ceremony of the Caucus this way:

First, the gabachos make a 4WD posada to the high school gym for the ritual gathering. There, by standing and waving, they compete for a majority of the donuts and coffee. The Caucus Ceremony must end before the Big Tornado Siren heralds the start of the Iowanian New Year.  

We photographed six citizens and asked them to evaluate the political process and the contenders. Here they are and here’s what they said:

Mas…Traditional GOP caucus ritual marks Iowanian New Year

Hoy in History 1/1 and welcome to 2012, the Mayan last year


The Zapatista Rebellion was born this day in 1994 – Que Viva EZLN!

The Zapatistas… issued a declaration which amounted to a declaration of war on the Mexican government, which they considered so out of touch with the will of the people as to make it completely illegitimate.

Welcome to 2012, the last year, according to the Mayan Calendar, which predicts the end of the world on Dec. 21. No worries – we have what you need:

  • A countdown clock on the right so you can sync your watch for the big day
  • This New Age technomuzak didactic rap video by Gurudevi which links the Mayan wisdom to a properly calibrated understanding of the 13-month-cycles of noospheric spacetime (WARNING DON’T WATCH THIS VIDEO IF YOU ARE DRIVING):

Mas…Hoy in History 1/1 and welcome to 2012, the Mayan last year

Year in Review: JLo needs to fix it again, Tony


You can’t go home again; ask la Señorita Lopez.

JLo’s waxing poetic about her roots and her neighborhood made for a very nice commercial but a not-so-nice commentary about her beloved Bronx.

Jenny-from-the-block’s part in her new commercial was not shot “round the way” but rather on the rough and tumble streets of West Los Angeles (yeah, I know they both look soooo much alike.)

Mas…Year in Review: JLo needs to fix it again, Tony

Epic video announcement: Luchador ♥ POCHO


¡Hola!  The POCHO management team is hustling for our January 2nd re-launch.  As you will see from our launch promo video, we didn’t have a lot of time to audition many spokes-avatars.  At least he gets the point across, sort of.  POCHO is launching and we are looking forward to bringing you the freshest & sassiest News y Satire when it does.  Meantime, check out our Facebook page and sign up for our mailing list so you can keep up with us.

Share this video freely con tus amigos. What’s that? You don’t even know what POCHO is yourself? Well, our Mission Statement oughta clear that right up for you.

Lalo’s Pocho Ocho New Year’s resolutions

8. Wear more slimming clothes

7. Get a new job to supplement income from five other jobs

6. Take a vacation at one of those nice FEMA camps

5. Quit drinking alcohol that doesn’t get me fucked up really fast

4. Reduce financial stress by picking up a hobby, like bank robbing, or writing a hit song

3. Start eating my 10-year supply of freeze-dried survival food

2. “Party Like It’s 2012”

And my top New Year’s Resolution for 2012:

72 dpi

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What are your New Year’s resolutions? Post them here!

Mayan Doomsday 2012? Instant karma gonna get you

We as a species deserve whatever Mayan Doom 2012™ brings our way.

Tweet-comic Jon Hendren proved it on Xmas and Boxing Day when he retweeted people’s bitching about not getting the gifts they wanted. Boohoo, they moaned – no one loves me enough to give me the muy caro gadget I need sooo sooo badly.

I, on the other hand, was sad because I had no iPad … until I met a man who had no nalgas. Lookit these screenshots of Tweets:

Mas…Mayan Doomsday 2012? Instant karma gonna get you

Funny, you don’t look Mexican!

doesntlook“You don’t look Mexican” is something I hear a lot. I hear it from whites, African-Americans, Asians, Mexican nationals, Latinos from Latin America, just about everyone. Of course, in polite company, I usually respond, “Oh, yeah, I get that a lot.”

In my head, however, I usually think, “What, exactly does is a Mexican ‘supposed’ to look like?” This is, in turn, followed by some expletives.

I find it uncanny that, in 2011 with a country and a world that is increasingly multiracial, that educated people still assume that certain people are “supposed” to look one way or another. Boggles my mind.

Mas…Funny, you don’t look Mexican!

Razaphobic AZ judge just says ‘nein’ to Mexican-American Studies

Arizona has made it illegal to be brown in their state, now that a judge has ruled that it is illegal to think brown.

Tucson Unified School District’s Mexican-American Studies Department has lost an appeal before a Razaphobic judge and faces the complete dismantling of their academic program. Mexican-American Studies educates brown and non-brown children, but the main problem to Superintendent John Huppenthal is that brown children come out smarter and empowered after taking MAS courses.

Arizona state school officials violate the educational rights of brown children while Sheriff Joe Arpaio allows the violation of brown children.

Cue the banjos!