Those new neighbors, you know, those people down the hall or across the street — where do they come from? What’s that crazy moon language? What are they up to? If you see something, say something.
Here are the Pocho Ocho Top Ways to Tell If Your New Neighbors Are Terrorists:
8. Since sunset on Sunday, they’ve been burning more and more candles every night and singing in a Middle Eastern language.
7. They instruct their children — even pre-K kids — in violent martial arts, regularly staging practice backyard executions where children swinging war sticks decapitate colorful paper effigies strung up for torture.
6. Suspiciously clean-cut young men in shirts and ties living in the house regularly head out on bikes for neighborhood surveillance, knock on doors to see who is home, and take copious notes after every encounter.
5. They’ve begun building a front lawn mosque (?) with camels and men in “Eastern” robes.
4. No wreath, no lights, no Santa.
3. Two Words: No bacon.
2. They are openly, unashamedly, “sick” (sp?)
And the numero uno way to tell if your new neighbors are terrorists is …
Their geeky kid Ahmed is building “clocks” in the basement.
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