Family disowns Chicana after discovering she’s vegetarian

veggiestudent(PNS reporting from LAREDO, TX) Alma Huerta returned to her South Texas home for the summer vacation a changed woman.

The 20-year-old history major, the first in her family to go to college, has begun to learn about post-modernism and existentialism in her freshman classes at the University of Texas at Austin. She’s also started to explore vegetarianism.

And that’s where the trouble began.

“It all started with carne asada on Memorial Day — like normal, like always!” Alma’s mother Elvia explained. The family tradition of a carne asada usually included not only the aforementioned meat, but corn, rice, beans, salsa and lots of Bud Lite.

Mas…Family disowns Chicana after discovering she’s vegetarian

Dear Abuelita: Gay for a day, my 34C boobs, a career in modeling

Dear Abuelita,
I wear a 34C bra. My boyfriend is always scoping out girls with bigger boobs. Should I get implants?
Titi Caca

Dear Titi Caca,
Here’s what you need to do: Tell your boyfriend to look in the mirror the next time he wants to see a big boob then dump the pendejo. As for you, make yourself an appointment for a self-esteem implant ASAP. That’s all I have to say. I don’t have time to figure out the root of your insecurities. There are more important things to focus on than your pea-sized mosquito bites.

Do you have any idea how much trouble big chi-chis are? Let me tell you, they can be a real pain in the ass! I mean it, I once flung mine over my shoulders so hard the damned things left bruises on my nalgas.
Love, Your Abuelita

Mas…Dear Abuelita: Gay for a day, my 34C boobs, a career in modeling