POCHO’s Subcommandanta del Ñews, Sara Inés Calderón (@SaraChicaD on the Twitter), wants to know why Latinos shame each other over culture.
When you ASSUME you make an ASS of U and ME. Also him and her. He and she tambien. Both of them. [Video by Elaine Del Valle.]
PREVIOUSLY ON YOU DON’T LOOK/SOUND/ACT LATINO:
“White Hispanic” is one of mainstream media’s hottest new buzzwords, a term that has leaped off of old census forms and job applications to join the ranks of “twerking,” “3-D printing,” and “Death to Edward Snowden!”
The mainstream media needs to distinguish between different colors of Latinos because it was too polite to ask “Why is Trayvon Martin’s killer, George Zimmerman, so… DARK for his name? And isn’t Aaron Hernandez, that allegedly trigger-happy New England Patriots player, a little… LIGHT for his?”
I guess I could be called a “White Hispanic,” as my dad’s from Colombia and my Yiddishe momme reps Brooklyn. I really wish it didn’t take two high-profile killings to bring Latino-and-white people into the public eye, but Linda Ronstadt (photo) and Joan Baez aren’t making new albums and Little Ricky’s been off TV for a while.
(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Marisa Rodriguez just wanted to look “fresh” for the summer.
What she didn’t want was the public humiliation from finding out the blue contact lenses she bought at the Mothers’ Day car show and swap meet at Traders’ Village didn’t actually make her look fresh, or more white.
“It happened at school when one of my classmates laughed at me when I asked him if he noticed something different about me,” the Harlandale High School junior tearfully told PNS.
“Justin is a bully, he just laughed at said I had a nopal on my forehead and that I looked lame with these blue contacts!”
(PNS reporting from SAN DIEGO) Horton District travel agency Mad Mad World Tours is now offering a new cosmetic surgery/tour package featuring makeovers in beautiful Thailand, the company announced today.
The tours, organized in partnership with the Bod Thai Clinic of Bangkok, Thailand, promise an all-expenses-paid two-week luxury trip to the southeast Asian country and a procedure called a frental nopalectomy. The forehead surgery promotion targets upscale Mexican-Americans.
(PNS reporting from SAN JOSE) Johnny Ramírez had a huge confession to make to his Pre-Columbian Latin American history class last week. The summer he spent in Barcelona really changed him, the San Jose State junior told his fellow students during section.
“I always felt this pressure to be true to my indígena Aztec roots, you know? Even though me — and well my parents and grandparents, too — were all born right here in California, I always wanted to honor my family’s real roots,” the well-known Latino campus activist said. (Ramirez, right, was photographed at an immigrants’ rights march last May Day.)
When he was in Barcelona, he said, he realized that he had Spanish blood, too, and it wasn’t something to be ashamed of — but proud. He has a cousin, Juanita, who has hazel eyes, so obviously his family has Spanish blood, too.
In 2006, a bunch of people wanted you to know that they were not Mexican, so they made this video. They’re still not Mexican as far as we know and good for them!
- Who/what are you? How do you define yourself?
Rubio was spirited away from his home in a car trunk at noon yesterday by friends who convinced suspicious local gang members the getaway vehicle was sagging the trunk was filled with drogas, one source told PNS.
“Pablo went to the Che Xuan Panda restaurant because to them he looks Mexican,” she said. “We all look Mexican to them. Also the 75 pesos lunch special with soup and egg roll rocks.”
Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo, Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court. Don’t ask us, we just work here.
Seventy years ago, when Mexico joined the Allies (AKA the United Nations) to fight against Nazi Germany, the U.S. Office of Inter-American Affairs produced and released Mexican Moods praising our new BFF.
Sometimes shaky period color footage is matched by shaky period narration and musical production numbers as the film celebrates Mexico’s joining the United Nations, silver making in Taxco (right), modern Mexican airports, Aztec ruins and rituals and Mexican movie and stage stars like handsome young law-school-dropout/comic actor Cantinflas. The 11-minute video, produced and directed by Aldo Ermini, is right down here…
This POCHO ñewsweek is brought to you in living — and dying — color.
In the Southwest, New Mexico’s tourist board is casting a commercial to promote visits to the state. Who do they want to play the tourists in their commercial? “Caucasians and light-skinned Hispanics.”
And in the Southeast, Florida cowers in the Spotlight o’ Shame as the country asks why an unarmed teenager was killed by a self-styled neighborhood watch vigilante.
These are the stories that made the ñews this week:
Variations on this particular meme have been going around the Internets for a while in online poster format (and for every ethnic, geographic, political and affinity group you can imagine.) Here’s a cool Mexican version re-imagined as a video.