Of the people, by the people and for the people — except those people?
election
RNC Drinking Game: Turn lame to LOLs with Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila
Endless speeches, stupid roll calls and pointless posturing can make national political convention watching a boring exercise — that’s why you need to play games along with the pinche politicians.
Mira! The Republican National Convention Drinking Game, sponsored by Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila.
Keep your eyes on the screen, stay alert and react swiftly! Life is chort!
Mas…RNC Drinking Game: Turn lame to LOLs with Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila
Romney gets especial love at El Palacio de los Jugos in Miami (video)
When GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney visited El Palacio de los Jugos in Miami earlier this month, he was greeted by the owner, a convicted Koch coke dealer, and an excited, vocal crowd. Angel Reyes was there and shot this video.
Tampa’s gay hookers ready for Republican Convention (NSFW video)
There’s going to be hot time in Tampa Bay next week when the GOP National Convention rolls into town. Republicans, who like to be seen as “job creators,” are expected to stimulate a long and thick boost in business for area gay prostitutes, and the hookers are looking forward to handling the hanging chads of closeted delegates. (Totally NSFW language.)
Paul Ryan’s Pocho Ocho favorite bands besides RATM
Now that we know that GOP VP pick Paul “Unclear on the Details” Ryan loves anti-establishment (and anti-Ryan) L.A. pocho punk band Rage Against the Machine, we thought we’d check out what else is on his playlist.
Here are the Pocho Ocho most-played bands on the pendejo’s iPod:
8. Johnny Rebel
7. The Michelle Bachmann Corndog Quartet
6. Das Racist
GOP VP pick Paul Ryan is the ‘machine’ that RATM rages against
Tom Morello is a meanie who makes Paul Ryan cry.
The powerful guitarist of Rage Against the Machine has blasted a thunderous riff on Mitt Romney’s running mate, Paul Ryan.
Ryan, in a typical blockheaded, know-nothing right wing move, has declared that the left wing, bomb-throwing, anti-establishment rock group (fronted by fellow pocho Zach de La Rocha) is his favorite band. Talk about not paying attention to details! (It must be hard to think when he works out with P90X to the powerful guitar rock rolas.)
Maybe this is why Ryan is painfully oblivious to the suffering going on in the U.S. when the uber wealthy continue to hoard all the money and leave the rest of us to scrape by.
Could be why he thinks giving tax cuts to the 1% and making the rest of us pay for it is a Christian act?
No wonder he does not flinch when people call him a “zombie-eyed Granny starver.” Maybe it’s not that he doesn’t care — maybe he has no pinche idea what is going on around him. Either way, it’s not exactly the kind of leadership the U.S. needs right now.
Mas…GOP VP pick Paul Ryan is the ‘machine’ that RATM rages against
Farmworker releases tax returns and asks ‘Where are Romney’s?’
(PNS reporting from EL PASO) Early this morning, area farmworker Celestino Sepúlveda made five years of his tax returns public.
Holding faded copies of his 1040EZ from tax years 2007 to 2011, Sepúlveda told reporters, “Quiero ser un ejemplo para Romney” (I want to be an example for Romney) by publicly revealing his Federal returns.
At a press conference held at 3AM scheduled to accommodate his need to obtain agricultural day work from farm labor contractors, who start recruiting at 3:30, Sepúlveda explained.
“I have nothing to hide about the way I earn my money, because I earned it through honest work,” said the 37-year-old native of Jalpa, Zacatecas, standing with several other farmworkers on the corner of Paisano and Oregon Streets. (A family photo, above, shows him harvesting cucumbers.)
Fellow farmworker Pepe Martínez agreed. “Sí, una persona humilde como mi compadre lo hizo, ¿porqué no El Romney?”
Mas…Farmworker releases tax returns and asks ‘Where are Romney’s?’
Breaking Ñews: GOP VP pick Paul Ryan reveals his new budget plan
(PNS reporting from KANSAS CITY) GOP Vice Presidential candidate Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wis., is introducing his budget plan to voters today and POCHO is on the scene as he begins his press conference (photo, above.)
- Check back with POCHO for updates — we break the ñews 24/7.
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO, INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.
Remember ‘Obama Girl’? Check out ‘Romney Girl’! (music video)
She’s sweet, she’s sassy and she especially digs dudes with huge offshore holdings, if you know what I mean! Meet Romney Girl!
Mexican Mitt Romney’s Pocho Ocho picks for Vice Presidente
8. Mr. Clean: Although a white male, not a very diverse pick, Mr. Clean makes Mexican Mitt’s hair stand out even more when they stand next to each other.
7. Quaker Oats Quaker: Another white male, but this man’s religious values and the fact that he stands for America, makes him attractive to the Romney camp. It’s the right thing to do.
6. Uncle Ben: Fight fire with fire! Mexican Mitt says the best way to displace the first African-American president is to bring along a black chef! Isaac Hayes was not available.
Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney’s Pocho Ocho picks for Vice Presidente
Mexican Mitt Romney: My Pocho Ocho top Tweets from England
Ann is having having trouble taking dictation (her Blackberries are on the wrong side of the estreet or something) so here are my personal Pocho Ocho Top Tweets from England for ustedes:
8. Mexican Mitt Romney: DAMN THERE’S A LOT OF MUSLIMS HERE
7. Mexican Mitt Romney: WE’RE GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS IN DRESSAGE, BEECHES
6. Mexican Mitt Romney: WHERE’S THE NEAREST CHICK-A-FILA?
Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: My Pocho Ocho top Tweets from England
Mexclusive: Romney’s VP short list is now down to three names
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) Mitt Romney’s list of potential vice presidential running mates is now down to three finalists, campaign insiders report:
- Wei Chen, Chengdu, Sichuan, China
- Sadashiv Gupta, Mumbai, Maharashtra, India
- Ester Ramirez, San Antonio, San Miguel, El Salvador
All three offer various strengths to Romney.
Highly energetic Wei Chen is currently employed at the Foxconn plant in Chengdu, and makes iPads, although he has never seen the complete product.
“I wake up, go to work for 14 hours, then I go back home and go to bed, wake up and do it again,” says Chen, 25. “Being Mitt Romney’s running mate would be a welcome change to my schedule, and perhaps stifle my thoughts of suicide.”
Mas…Mexclusive: Romney’s VP short list is now down to three names
Al Madrigal smuggles negative political ads into Mexico (video)
POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal puts on his Daily Show Senior Latino Correspondent hat and rubber gloves to spice up the Mexican presidential elections with smuggled negative political advertisements.
Shocking Rush Limbaugh claim! President Obama is ‘The Darkie Knight’
(PNS reporting from DITTOSTAN) Just a day after revealing that The Dark Knight Rises villain ‘Bane’ is actually Mitt Romney, Rush Limbaugh has uncovered even more insidious left-wing propaganda in the eagerly-anticipated film:
The movie, Limbaugh told his radio audience, is part of the Kenyan Socialist media conspiracy and President Obama is “The Darkie Knight.”
“Friends, I am sitting here today in the EIB studio and I have to tell you, I am really, really, realllllly high. Have you guys seen this movie, what’s it called? Yeah, The Dark Knight? Wow…just wow…folks, it’s a real liberal whammy, OK? Uncle Rushbo is giving it to you straight here – I’ve seen the darkie knight and his name is Obama. Hang on a second, folks, I have to play with myself again,” Limbaugh said during yesterday’s program.
Mas…Shocking Rush Limbaugh claim! President Obama is ‘The Darkie Knight’
Craig Romney’s Spanish ad for dad now with English subtitles (video)
Craig Romney narrated a new Spanish-language advertisement for his dad, GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney. Here’s a version with English subtitles/captions for folks who don’t espeak Spanish.
Here’s our translation of an Spanish-language Craig Romney commercial from earlier this year:
Mas…Craig Romney’s Spanish ad for dad now with English subtitles (video)
Transcript: Mexican Mitt Romney’s speech to the NAACP
Mexican Mitt Romney just spoke to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People convention in Houston, TX and we have the transcript:
—BEGIN TRANSCRIPT—
Thank you, NAACP for the invitation to espeak here, and Bishop Graves for your introduction. Thanks also to President Ben Jealous and your weird last name.
Good mornings, black humans. I am Mexican Mitt Romney. I know it is crazy to speak to you here at the NAACP, but guatever.
I will not be the Presidente for only the East Coast, or the West Coast. I do not believe in your geographic gang rivalries. I want to be the Presidente for all the people, but mainly the rich people. I know you already have Black Reagan as your Presidente, but hear me out.
Tomorrow Vice President Joe Biden will speak before you, please do not let him drink a 40-ouncer before he comes onstage, just sayin’. I won’t let any special interests like black people get in the way, whoops, that’s from my GOP nomination speech.
Ñewsweek: SCOTUS, SB1070, AZ, Obamacare and Mexican Mitt
GOP nominee wannabe Mexican Mitt Romney led off the chorus of this week’s reactioneers after the SCOTUS decisions on SB1070 and Obamacare. “We need to implement Labambacare for all Hispanics pronto!” he wrote in a special guest editorial.
Some Arizonans like the SB1070 decision — we have their reactions — but Chicago Congressman Luis Gutierrez ripped the decision to shreds on the floor of the House of Representatives — and we have the video.
Lots of ñews this past week on POCHO; here are our top stories:
Mas…Ñewsweek: SCOTUS, SB1070, AZ, Obamacare and Mexican Mitt
Mexican Mitt Romney: Latinos need Labambacare, pronto!
This is a terrible day for illness and disease. Obamacare being upheld by those activist judges at the Supremes Court is making me sicker than the time I tried McDonald’s experimental “Birria Burger.”
Thank God it was Available for a Limited Time Only.
The Republican Party is the only party looking out for disease! Diseases are people, my friends. Especially Jan Brewer.
This ruling upholding Obamacare is wrong for Amercia, and really messes up my campaign for President. However, things are not terminal yet.
I vow on my Day Juan in office as Presidente Romney, to repeal Obamacare (AKA Romneycare) and replace it with Romneydoesntcare.
Romneydoesntcare is modeled on the health system we had before, which was, “rich people pay cash for healthcare, and everyone else can go pound pupusas.”
How Obama’s DREAM Act end run is ruining our democracy (video)
The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart goes to the tape to expose the shocking Obama plan to stop the deportation of innocent DREAMERs. It’s an Affront to Democracy, the Action of a Dictator and a Threat to Our American Way of Life.
Republican ‘Latino outreach’ website confused by non-white kids
RNCLatinos.com, the Republican National Committee’s new Latino outreach website, is apparently a laboratory for developing new ways of screwing up Latino outreach.
Last week RNCLatinos hosted a Spanish-language poll asking “Has President Obama disillusioned you?” (the overwhelming response was “No”) and then they used a stock photo of Asian children at the top of their page.
The RNC blamed the error on outsourced web developers — rumored to be in either Bombay or Honduras — who misread the tags on the photo.
Outreach spokestaco Beltina Inchancla offered up this explanation:
It was an honest mistake. They thought the picture was labeled as featuring “Latino” children, but actually read, “Laotian.”
Mas…Republican ‘Latino outreach’ website confused by non-white kids
Got CLAP? (Press release: Conservative Latino Alliance for Prosperity)
[FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE JUNE 1, 2012] C.L.A.P. (Conservative Latino Alliance for Prosperity) is holding its Annual Membership Drive throughout the month of June.
C.L.A.P., founded in 1912, is the oldest conservative Latino organization in the nation. For 100 years, we’ve worked tirelessly to return the country to core conservative principles.
These are our guiding principles:
Pillar 1: Immigration
Fact: Rare baseball cards, comics, and stamps increase in value the scarcer they become. With over 50 million Latinos in the U.S., our value to this country has become more and more diluted . As a result, C.L.A.P. aims to deport all Latinos (regardless of residency status) until four or five very valuable Latinos remain. There is power in numbers – very, very small numbers.
Mas…Got CLAP? (Press release: Conservative Latino Alliance for Prosperity)
Mexican Mitt Romney: ¡I AM THE LAST JUAN STANDING!
AJUA! You didn’t think I could do it. You doubted me. You said, “Oh no, Mexican Mitt, you cannot be the Republican nominee! They hate you so! They would never EVER let such a VIRILE, MACHO HOMBRE become the REPUBLICAN NOMINEE!” By virile and macho hombre, you must mean that a Mormon could never win the GOP nomination.
But you were WRONG. Last night, I finally got the required 1,144 delegates for the Republican nomination by winning Texas, the lone state to vote this week. Like I always said, “ALL MY VIEJAS LIVE IN TEJAS!” And I received a full 90% of my viejas’ votes. (I’ll have a word with you later, Margarita.)
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FLA) proposes new DREAMY Act
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) In an attempt to capitalize on the political gains made by Pres. Barack Obama’s support for gay marriage, Florida GOP senator and possible presidential candidate Marco Rubio has revamped his unpopular DREAM Act alternative.
The original federal DREAM Act allowed undocumented youth brought here as minors a path to citizenship if they served in the military or attended college. Rubio’s DREAM Act “lite” version offered these youth only a non-immigrant visa and permanent status as second-class citizens.
Now, hoping to suck off gay votes from Obama, Rubio has introduced the DREAMY Act.
Mitt Romney: I’m proud to announce my new bank, JP Mormon
Barack Hussein Obama’s biggest donors and best crony capitalist friends at JP Morgan Chase recently lost over two billion dollars in risky trades.
Instead of wailing about this so-called “Wall Street reform” nonsense, I have decided to open my own bank and mega Wall Street trading firm: JP Mormon.
At JP Mormon, we promise to keep your money away from the risky trades of Wall Street and in safe, secure island strongholds.
We will also store your hard-earned trust fund payments in secret European locations, places where Michele Bachman once held dual citizenship.
Mas…Mitt Romney: I’m proud to announce my new bank, JP Mormon
Mexican Mitt Romney: Obama is spiking the gay football
AJUA!! I am Mexican Mitt Romney, and I am here to clear the record on the GAY MARRIAGE.
Contrary to reports by ABC News and Perez Hilton about Barack Obama being the first president to approve of same-sex marriage, I invented it, and now Barack Obama is hogging all the credit! If you ask me, Obama is spiking the gay football! That is wrong! Everyone knows gays play tennis and hacky sack.
Now the gays are all running around and shrieking like the end of an episode of Ru Paul’s Drag Race just because the PINCHE North Carolina DOUBLE NEGATIVE GAY MARRIAGE Proposition that won this week. HIJOLE! Such drama queens!
In North Carolina it just means that Jethro cannot marry Jethro, but he can marry HIS COUSIN ELLIE MAE! Ajua! That’s what I call FREEDOM!