What to wear in Monterrey when listening to cumbia and huffing glue

We don’t really know what to say about this, so we’ll let VICE tell the story in this report from Monterrey, MX:

Every Sunday afternoon, after dancing all weekend at bars and clubs around town, a bunch of Mexican Colombianos gather outside the 7-Eleven at the bottom of the Latino Tower in downtown Monterrey. Taking their cues from LA’s cholos and some mythical ideal of tropical Colombia, they wear huge plaid and Hawaiian shirts over the baggiest Dickies you’ve ever seen. These are color-coordinated with their Converse and shoelaces whenever possible (one kid we met rotates four pairs of Chucks with seven different colors of laces) and then topped with a customized baseball cap worn just tight enough that it doesn’t cover their whole head but gingerly rests on their bangs. Every visible inch of hat space is cluttered with airbrushed or embroidered writing, including its wearer’s nickname, his girlfriend’s name, his clique’s name, the radio station he listens to, the neighborhood he’s from, etc.

Mas…What to wear in Monterrey when listening to cumbia and huffing glue

Mujeres: Wearing Victoria’s Secret doesn’t make you a model

Supposebly, I was supposed to sex it up for my boyfriend Manuelito. He said the romance was gone and we needed to spice it up. So I did what any girl would do — I went to Victoria’s Secret.

I spent a long time in that store, too. I looked at everything they had — from those bras with the gel to make you look like you have more cleavage to the ones that scrunch your chi-chis together to make you look muy sexy and even considered those itty bitty tangas that would inevitably get lost somewhere in your pompis.

After all that looking around, I wondered: how do these tiny women manage to be so chichonas anyway?

I finally settled on something and went home to make it a special night. I lit sexy cinnamon candles, the kind that smell like churros, put on my new brassiere and waited for Manuelito to come over. Once he got there I was so excited! But, as it turn out, we were both in for a shock.

Mas…Mujeres: Wearing Victoria’s Secret doesn’t make you a model

Spring cholo fashion tips from Le Smoké light up Montebello

XXXXL pants are de rigeur
(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Fresh cholo fashion tips brought style and fabulous funké decadence to the Montebello Town Center over the Easter weekend at fashion magistrate Le Smoké’s semiannual Eastsider Estilo Eshow, Low Rider Expo and Petting Zoo.

Le Smoké is celebrated for his ground-shaking declaration in 2006 that burgundy was the new red and periwinkle would not be considered blue. His list of do’s and don’t’s is always the highlight of the show.

Le Smoké, a 13-year Communications Sciences major at Unincorporated East Pocho City College and a 15-year veteran of the mean streets of Pocho Hills, a struggling suburb of Mission Pocho Viejo, uses the cutting edge of fashion rather than a prison shank to do his stabbing.

Mas…Spring cholo fashion tips from Le Smoké light up Montebello

You might be a Latino hipster if…

Austin hipsters (photo by NewsTaco)

First off, you may be asking yourself, “What is a hipster?”

Hipsters are the contemporary derivative of beatniks and manifest particular philosophies, fashion and food choices, professional and geographic preferences and, inevitably, are the butt of many jokes.

Why did the hipster burn his mouth on the pizza? Because he ate it before it was cool.

Mas…You might be a Latino hipster if…