Forget the Oscars, It’s The Hectors©! Pocho’s 1st Annual Awards

by Lalo Alcaraz on February 26, 2012 in Cultura, El Now

Behold, The Hectors©, Pocho’s own Oscars, bestowed for Excellence in Mockability.

The Hector© is named for my annoying cousin Hector, who is excellent at ruining family gatherings, especially when he has downed his third 12-pack. He hasn’t seen a film since Blood In, Blood Out.

And the Hector© goes to:

Best Actor in a Tragedy- goes to Newt Gingrich, for his remarkable portrayal of The One Supposedly Sane GOP Candidate

Best Special Effect- goes to Callista Gingrich’s hair.

Most Ignorant- Sen. Rick Santorum, for suggesting that anyone who wants kids to go to college is a “snob.”

Best Sound Effects Editing – Bad Lip Reading, for actually making Ron Paul make sense

Best Costume – the UC Davis Police Department, for Pepper Spray Cop’s realistic thug garb, complete with the ultimate fashion accessory,the 16-ounce can of aerosolized “STFU, Hippies.”

Best Editing – goes to the state of Arizona for continually violating the U.S. Constitution.

Best Period Costume – goes to Rick Perry for his amazing jacket in Broke Back Mountain.

Best Achievement in Making an Animal Speak- Sheriff Joe Arpaio

Best Media Marginalization – goes to Time Magazine with their “Screw it, he *looks* Latino” cover.

Best Horror Makeup – goes to the Tales from the Crypt’s Crypt Keeper, AKA Arizona Governor Jan Brewer

Best Comedy – goes to the 2012 GOP primary debates.

Best Fantasy- Self Deportation

Best Mexican – goes to Mexican Mitt! (Duh!)

Best Racist Crybaby – goes to Pat Buchanan after getting shitcanned and blaming “The Blacks and Jews.”

Best Romantic Comedy- AZ Sheriff Paul Babeu for the movie Deporting Jose.

Best Animation- the stunning, almost lifelike appearance of Mitt Romney

Mack Reed and SJ Rivera were basically the whole Hectors© voting Academy.


Laurita February 26, 2012 at 7:56 PM

I think Lalo should’ve gotten best impersonation of a valet!

Gustavo Arellano February 26, 2012 at 10:46 PM

Lupe Moreno for the Daniel D. Portado Lifetime Achievement Award in Self-Loathing.

lololobo February 23, 2013 at 9:48 PM

Ted Cruz for Best Adaptation of McCarthyism!

Previous post:

Next post: