Facebook stock is foundering and cash-heavy investors are looking for a better place to lose their online money. That’s why MexicanMitt Romney is launching his own social media site – Feisbuk.
POCHO asked the nominee wannabe one question: What does Feisbuk have that Facebook doesn’t? Here’s his reply:
- On Feisbuk you can Likear things, of course, but we also have a Dislike button, called CTM, or Chinga Tu Madre.
- Feisbuk also features a Pokear button where you can get freaky with other users.
- Here your friends are not just Amigos. On Feisbuk they are Primos or cousins, and there is no limit on the number of primos you can have, since our cousins are seemingly endless.
- Feisbuk’s exciting new Timeline feature, which shows all the pinche posts and photos you ever took, is calibrated to MST (Mexican Standard Time.) If you post some good pics from Chata’s quinceañera or your outing at the local Raza Swap Meet, Feisbuk will eventually get around to posting them. Mañana, guey.
- The Feisbuk Profilo has a dropdown menu for aliases and AKA’s: Poindextro Gonzalez AKA
* Speedy Gonzalez
* Big Bopper
- On Feisbuk, we support family values. Everything you post is automatically copied to your mother.
- Feisbuk also offers a No Mames newsfeed filter which removes all the chafas people who dirty up your feed. Gone are poor people, since I’m not concerned about the very poor, and American kids without legal status since the DREAM Act is a handout. Also invisible is anyone with long hair who might be gay. That way I can avoid having to assault them with my gang and then explain to pinche liberals it was only teenage hijinks.
- When you Blokear someone on Feisbuk, we block the offending ex-GF or BF or estalker and we send threatening messages from our staff of Feisbuk cybercholas.
- Feisbuk is tag proof and we guarantee no one will tag you in photos of shoes ever again. Feisbuk automagically replaces shoe pics with lovely airbrushed renderings of the Virgen de Guadalupe on a Lowrider.
- Say goodbye to old-school Fan Pages. Feisbuk lets you create Flan Pages!
- Forget that mindless time sink Farmville… On Feisbuk you can play Santeria Villa instead! “Your Tio Pepucho has requested a sacrificial goat.”
Shares in Feisbuk’s IPO, underwritten by investment bankers Bean Capital, will be available next week for $0.99, exclusively in the App Store.