Behold, The Hectors©, Pocho’s own Oscars, bestowed for Excellence in Mockability.
The Hector© is named for my annoying cousin Hector, who is excellent at ruining family gatherings, especially when he has downed his third 12-pack. He hasn’t seen a film since Blood In, Blood Out.
And the Hector© goes to:
Best Actor in a Tragedy- goes to Newt Gingrich, for his remarkable portrayal of The One Supposedly Sane GOP Candidate
Best Special Effect- goes to Callista Gingrich’s hair.
Most Ignorant- Sen. Rick Santorum, for suggesting that anyone who wants kids to go to college is a “snob.”
Best Sound Effects Editing – Bad Lip Reading, for actually making Ron Paul make sense
Best Costume – the UC Davis Police Department, for Pepper Spray Cop’s realistic thug garb, complete with the ultimate fashion accessory,the 16-ounce can of aerosolized “STFU, Hippies.”
Best Editing – goes to the state of Arizona for continually violating the U.S. Constitution.
Best Period Costume – goes to Rick Perry for his amazing jacket in Broke Back Mountain.
Best Achievement in Making an Animal Speak- Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Best Media Marginalization – goes to Time Magazine with their “Screw it, he *looks* Latino” cover.
Best Horror Makeup – goes to the Tales from the Crypt’s Crypt Keeper, AKA Arizona Governor Jan Brewer
Best Comedy – goes to the 2012 GOP primary debates.
Best Fantasy- Self Deportation
Best Mexican – goes to Mexican Mitt! (Duh!)
Best Racist Crybaby – goes to Pat Buchanan after getting shitcanned and blaming “The Blacks and Jews.”
Best Romantic Comedy- AZ Sheriff Paul Babeu for the movie Deporting Jose.
Best Animation- the stunning, almost lifelike appearance of Mitt Romney
Mack Reed and SJ Rivera were basically the whole Hectors© voting Academy.