LALO ALCARAZ

Lalo Alcaraz is Jefe-in-Chief of POCHO.

Mexican scientist reveals underground high speed travel system

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hyperlupe(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) Not to be outdone by Space X founder Elon Musk’s proposed high speed “Hyperloop” rail system, a Mexican engineer has plans to commercialize his country’s high speed travel infrastructure, a proprietary closed system that has been in operation for years.

Researchers and engineers in this high tech city in Mexico’s Silicon Barrio are not impressed with Musk’s Hyperloop, a system of people-sized pods that move through a network of air-free tubes built over or under the ground at speeds of up to 800 MPH.

“We have had almost the same method of transportation a very long time, so I do not understand what the big deal is,” Universidad de Guanajuato Prof. Carlos Sagañez told PNS Tuesday.

Mas…Mexican scientist reveals underground high speed travel system

Scary Naked Geraldo photo slashes ‘Walking While Black’ crime

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GATE1(PNS reporting from FLORIDA) Neighborhood Watch volunteers across the nation’s gated communities are posting Twitter photos of Naked Geraldo to frighten off dangerous junk food-toting hoodie-wearing kids.

Award-winning journalist Geraldo Rivera, who proclaimed in his initial Tweet that “Seventy is the new Sexty,” snapped the nude photo of himself in the bathroom in order to fight the rampant scourge of black teen crime.

In the wake of the child-killer George Zimmerman’s acquittal in the homicide of Trayvon Martin, the support for crushing “Black On Sidewalk” crime has been boosted by law abiding citizens everywhere, and the Naked Geraldo photo has been a big help.

Mas…Scary Naked Geraldo photo slashes ‘Walking While Black’ crime

Release the hounds? What, me worry? I’m @ #SDCC (photos)

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whatmeworry releasethehounds2

I’m back in my hometown — however briefly — for the San Diego Comic-Con, SDCC, where I had a chance to talk with and take photos with two of my heroes, Montgomery Burns and Alfred E. Neuman.

Alcaraz. Lalo Alcaraz. I’ve got a license to toon:

lic2toon

Photographers here are always happy to snap pix of hot chicas in super hero garb. Click on the gigantor image to enlarge:

Mas…Release the hounds? What, me worry? I’m @ #SDCC (photos)

The Pocho Ocho top favorite ways racists try to tell me off

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Screen Shot 2013-07-15 at 9.59.39 AMIt comes with the territory — when you tackle controversial issues you attract controversial responses.  Or, as I like to call it, Crackpot Racist Hate Mail From Right Wing Nut Jobs (CRHMFRWNJ for short.)

Some of the messages scrawled on paper bags in crayon (and blood?) are mailed to various newspapers around the country that publish La Cucaracha and/or my editorial cartoons.  Some post comments here on POCHO and assorted loons follow me from Twitter to Facebook to my blog to leave me droppings from their thought processes.  No one follows them around with pooper escoopers, so I’m stuck with what they call in the sewage industry “solid waste” — mierda for you pochos.

I spent maybe 10 or 20 minutes going through the folder on my Mac desktop named Love_Letters, and came up with this list of my Pocho Ocho favorite insults:

8. Go back to Africa!

Mas…The Pocho Ocho top favorite ways racists try to tell me off

Animal Planet Latino launches controversial show ‘Devious Mermaids’

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(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Animal Planet Latino will be premiering a new “documentary” series that has stirred the waters of controversy.

The new cable show, Devious Mermaids, will explore the lives of five captured Latina mermaids who live in a giant tank on display at a Florida aquatic park set in the fictional town of Orlando.

Critics of the show are disturbed by what they call misleading and unrealistic portrayal of Latinas.

They also are assailing creator Marc Cherry, charging that as a middle-aged landlubber, he is insensitive when it comes to interpreting the experience of Latina mermaids.

Mas…Animal Planet Latino launches controversial show ‘Devious Mermaids’

Flash: English-Only Whole Foods now known as AssWhole Foods

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(PNS reporting from TEXAS) After suspending two Latino employees in an Albuquerque, NM store for daring to speak Spanish, specialty grocer Whole Foods has announced that it will be changing its name to “AssWhole Foods.”

Whole Foods PR executive Kaley Quinoa, at the company’s corporate offices in Austin, released this statement:

We feel we need to reflect the public’s view of our changing brand, and nothing would represent this view better than changing our name to AssWhole Foods.

Quinoa explained her company’s “English Only” policies this way

Mas…Flash: English-Only Whole Foods now known as AssWhole Foods

Gustavo Arellano: Summers, I turn on my inner George Clooney

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Summers are when our amigo Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano, editor of the OC Weekly, turns on his inner George Clooney. In a grisly yearly ritual, Gustavo entrusts me, POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz, with the opportunity to illustrate a comic relating some sad aspect of his tragic love life. He writes the comic script, but then lets me have his way with the last panel, and the results are guaranteed to entertain you and embarrass Gus!  The way he described it to me, it looks something like this…

Get Loqui! Spanglish mariachi cover of Daft Punk’s ‘Get Lucky’ (video)

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No, it’s not Juan Direction. It’s Sangre Azteca playing Uruapan Mexican Son the mariachi and Spanglish-ish version of Get Lucky by Daft Punk. You can hear these guys every Friday on the radio show Despierta Exa 6 to 10 AM, probably in some Mexican time zone, on Exa FM. Their Spanglish is more like Manglish.

Here are the English lyrics so you can follow along:

Mas…Get Loqui! Spanglish mariachi cover of Daft Punk’s ‘Get Lucky’ (video)

Obama visits Oklahoma to inspect damage caused by weather machine

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(PNS reporting from OKLAHOMA) Standing by a pile of debris that once was an elementary school, President Barack Obama on Sunday called the destruction caused last week’s tornado “fairly devastating” and vowed to seek additional funding to increase the catastrophic power of his weather control program.

Obama’s E-5 category tornado killed two dozen people, ripped a 17-mile-long corridor of destruction through the suburb of Oklahoma City, flattening entire blocks of homes, two schools and a hospital.

“This is nothing. Obviously we can do better,” the president said, standing on a block where lumber, bricks and concrete that used to be houses and businesses lined the side of the street. Items that survived the disaster – a blender, a pink baby carriage – stood in stark contrast to most of the wreckage.

Mas…Obama visits Oklahoma to inspect damage caused by weather machine

Charlie Sheen debuts ‘Carlos Estevez’ line of Hispanic Charlie Sheen

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(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Charlie Sheen today announced the launch of Carlos Estevez, a new line of Charlie Sheen created to appeal to Hispanic preferences and to specifically meet their needs based on the unique way Hispanics approach entertainment.

Charlie Sheen’s new product targets the burgeoning Hispanic market, now valued at a trillion dollars a year.

The Carlos Estevez line of Charlie Sheen is based on extensive consumer research and will be available soon in the new Robert Rodriguez Machete Kills film, and eventually in various TV commercials for personal injury attorney services and Budweiser Lime-A-Rita spots.

Mas…Charlie Sheen debuts ‘Carlos Estevez’ line of Hispanic Charlie Sheen

Secada emerges from the ground after 17 years

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(PNS reporting from PHILADELPHIA) American singer Jon Secada has begun to crawl out of the ground in the Mid-Atlantic area.

The now 50-year-old Secada reemerges every 13 or 17 years somewhere in the eastern half of the United States.

The last time Cuban-born Secada went underground was in 1996, two years after releasing Heart, Soul and a Voice. During his absence he somehow managed to quietly release two greatest hit albums and two Christmas albums, both in English and Spanish.

After re-emerging, Jon Secada typically sheds his crunchy brown exoskeleton and will spend a few weeks of adulthood mating and laying eggs in tree branches. He will also release yet another greatest hits or holiday-themed collection, definitely in Spanish.

Mas…Secada emerges from the ground after 17 years

In LaLa Land, in 2005, we were ‘Livin’ Villagairosa’ (audio)

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Antonio Villaraigosa came into the Los Angeles’ Mayor’s office with so much promise in 2005.

My radio show on KPFK, The Pocho Hour of Power (heard Fridays at 4PM PST on 90.7 FM) produced and played this also hopeful and playful tune, Livin’ Villaraigosa, to document the excitement and also skewer the anti-Mexican conspiracy theorists who were raising a Reconquista alarm about Villaraigosa.

Mas…In LaLa Land, in 2005, we were ‘Livin’ Villagairosa’ (audio)

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