Breaking: Congress to probe ‘illegal immigrant sneaker code’

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Rep. Randolph Snopes (R-AL) plans committee hearings next week to investigate reports that “illegal immigrants” from Mexico are encoding secret messages in sneakers hanging over telephone wires — messages about how to avoid police, sell drugs and promote terrorism, PNS has learned.

Snopes, chairman of the Unamerican Activities Committee, maintains that evidence of  “sneaker-encoded propaganda” has been covered up by “high echelons of the Obama Administration,” according to leaked committee documents circulating on Capitol Hill.

“Shoes hanging from the wires advertise a local crack house where crack cocaine is used and sold. In Los Angeles, residents know that these shoes indicate sites at which drugs are sold or worse yet, gang turf,” the report says.

Snopes will also charge that in the last 18 months illegal immigrant gang member-terrorists have killed seven embassy employees who innocently flashed their headlights at gang-banger vehicles that were driving at night with their headlamps off, committee staffers told PNS.

A handwritten note, allegedly from Snopes and penned in the margin of the Xeroxed report furnished to PNS, warned of an imminent threat :

Unfortunately, the word on the street (which has been confirmed by a probation officer) is that the Rolling 60’s (a LA gang) stole 160 kilo’s of cocaine from the Mexican Mafia. In retaliation, the Mexican Mafia and other Mexican gangs have decided to target and kill 400-1000 black men of all ages who are wearing white t-shirts. This is not limited to the freeways….. I understand that this is very real and very serious. Please pass this on to EVERYONE that you know. I suggest you do not wear any white shirts at all if possible. Also, if you have on a dress shirt, consider wearing your jacket over it….

A source at the Brooks Brothers menswear store near the Capitol told PNS they had suddenly sold their entire inventory of blue dress shirts, which feature durable cross-stitched buttons, Supima® cotton oxford and the signature button-down soft-roll polo collar, but no one knew why.

Sneaker photo by Zarateman.


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